Dealing with BF's + one??? Help

hsutton84

My best friend is my cousin, she's like a sister to me. We literally grew-up together. I love her dearly and would never want to hurt her BUT I told her the on again off again fiance wasnt invited to our SMALL INTIMATE weekend event. I really can't stand him, but i respect her trying to work things out. Their relationship decisions are none of my business, but who's coming to our wedding is. Right? She's rather upset with me(she said it was rude) but I don't plan on changing my mind anytime soon. Any thoughts???

AmoroAgain

Unless they're not together at the time, it's not within your right to say he can't attend.

ETA: She's right- you're not.

mica178

She's engaged.  It might be "on again off again," but if they're engaged, her FI should be invited.  This is not some random guy.  Also, she's your best friend AND cousin.  He could be your cousin-in-law soon.  The correct and polite thing to do is invite him.

pumpkinpumpkin

Would you want to be invited to a wedding without your fiance?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

My thought is - you're wrong. It doesn't matter if YOU know the person, like the person, etc. Couples are invited together and she has every right to be upset and not attend.

I'd put my FI before my best friend or even my cousin. Sorry.

LuluP82

She's right. You're being rude. You can't split up social units (which they are, unless they break it off before your wedding). You have to invite (at the very least) married and engaged couples as a couple-- even if you don't like their other half.

marisah83

Your cousin is right.  You may not care for him or their relationship, but it is what it is.  Anyone in a committed relationship should be allowed to bring their significant other.  If you refuse to allow him to come, you will probably find that she won't come either.

bethsmiles

I think you should plan on changing your mind because you were incredibly rude.

redheadfsu

Ditto pps.

You are wrong. Your *cousin* is right, he gets an invite.


*edit

leah2b

She is right - it was rude.  I do think you probably owe her an apology.  You can decide who is coming, but you can't split up couples and decide one can come but the other can't.  And beleive me, even if she eventually breaks it off with this guy, she will be talking about your faux pas for years!  I have a friend that was a bridesmaid in the wedding party of her roomate and her (now ex) boyfriend was not invited to the wedding (they were trying to cut costs and only invited married or engaged couples - which I also think is super rude).  She still makes snarky comments about it when the subject of weddings comes up and its been over 5 years and the boyfriend is no longer around.

frenchy730

I understand that you don't like him or completely support their relationship.  But at the same time, think about how you would feel if you were invitied to someone's wedding, someone who you are close to, and they did not want your fiance to come because they personally didn't care for him.  It's obviously hurting your cousin/bff to know that you don't approve of her bf/fiance/whatever, so also think about how that will harm your relationship with her in the future.  Suck it up for a day and let her decide if she wants to bring him or not.

kirasibley

I've run into problems like this. The etiquette monster strikes again! She's an important part of your special day, and she's got baggage attached to her. If you want her, you'll have to accept her baggage!
You don't HAVE to do anything. But years later, this issue may still be lingering between you and her.. even if her and her man aren't together.