Bridal Shower - Hosting

kelsey+brandon

I posted this on the June 2012 board, but I wanted to get y'alls opinion on this as well. I looked through some old posts and did a search and couldn't find the answer, so I really hope this wasn't a recently asked question! If it was, I'd be happy to just be directed to that post.

So I had talked to my MOH about my bridal shower and it's going to be at one of my bridesmaid's houses who lives near me. My mom and I were going over the list and we' have a ton of people we'd want to invite...like 50.

So now we're thinking of having the one my MOH is hosting in Raleigh, then FI's mom is throwing me a shower, but my mom thinks I should also have a shower in Greensboro - which is my hometown and where a lot of my extended family lives.

My question is...my mom wants the party to be at her townhouse, but she doesn't want to host since that's clearly poor ettiquette. Would it be okay if other people hosted it at my mom's?

Avion22

FWIW, three showers sound like a lot to me.  Raleigh and Greensboro aren't that far apart.  Could you maybe do one big shower in either Raleigh OR Greensboro?  Maybe your MOH could help plan one (and "host") at your Mom's house in Greensboro?   Or you just have your family in Greensboro carpool to Raleigh?  

krizzo17

This is pretty common in my family, but it's usually because the MOB has a house to host in, and the bride's friends all live in small apartments.

rebarobert2012

I don't really see how the shower could be at her house without her hosting?  I understand that someone else would be providing the food and stuff like that, but I think that she is still a host since it's her house.

At any rate, I really don't see anything wrong with your mom hosting a shower.  My mom hosted a shower for my older sister when she got married because she had moved out of the area years ago and didn't really know anyone else.  My fiance's mom/ my mom /my MOH and bridesmaids are hosting mine.

Habs2Hart

Someone else needs to offer to host it though.  So unless someone offers to host, then there isn't anyone to host it. 

3 showers is a lot.  I would just try to have one big one, or a big one and a small one with his side.

kelsey+brandon

So y'all don't think inviting 50 people to one shower is a lot?

Avion22

50 people is kind of a lot, but it can definitely be done.

Just because it's at your Mom's house doens't mean she necessarily will be hosting it.  If someone else sends out invitations (say, your MOH), then THEY are the host, regardless of whose house it is at.   Presumably the host would also do most of the planning and pay for associated costs, but in this case I think it would be fine for your Mom to help plan/pay if she offers.   This is kind of a blurry line, but I personally think it's fine for someone else to host a party for you at your Mom's house, since it's a convenient location.   

aleighk1

I don't get it. If a relative hosts a shower it's "gift-grabby" but if anyone else hosts a shower aren't you still expecting gifts? Wouldn't that still be consider "gift-grabby"?

I've just never understood why relatives couldn't host showers.

krizzo17

My mom explained it to be that if she were to host a shower for me, it would be like saying "Come give our daughter things so we don't have to!", as opposed to a friend saying "hey, let's spoil her with gifts".

I agree the difference is silly, but etiquette makes it clear that the mother of the bride shouldn't host.

divadancer11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:18db32c1-37f2-4b9c-80af-53720161ad13Post:963072cd-3e9c-40d3-9d3a-ce47bf1fe4ec">Re: Bridal Shower - Hosting</a>:
[QUOTE]So y'all don't think inviting 50 people to one shower is a lot?
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

50 is not a lot!!! My shower list is at 98..smh

My mom, granny and FMIL are hosting ours as 1 big one, I would have preferred 2 but not my deal :) They are the hostesses :)

Bonzo2011

As long as someone else sends out the invitations and plans the shower, I think it's fine to have it at your mom's house. For my friend's shower, the other bridesmaids and I planned it, but since none of us had a home big enough to host and we didn't have the budget to rent a space, a lady from my friend's church offered her home. We took care of all the food, setting stuff up, cleaning afterwards. She opened her home and let us use her huge collection of china and silver, but basically sat back and let us host. I think that's what your mom will need to do--sit back, and let your MOH or whoever take care of things.

froggatt.clare

I believe it is becoming more common for mothers to host showers for their daughters, since many of us have moved out years before the engagement.

I don't see a problem with one shower, perhaps co-hosted?  It might be nice for all sides of the family to meet each other, and meet the bridesmaids, before the wedding day.

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:18db32c1-37f2-4b9c-80af-53720161ad13Post:554614f6-64ec-4868-9ca3-1d6a3ba88b54">Re: Bridal Shower - Hosting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower - Hosting : 50 is not a lot!!! My shower list is at 98..smh My mom, granny and FMIL are hosting ours as 1 big one, I would have preferred 2 but not my deal :) They are the hostesses :)
Posted by divadancer11[/QUOTE]

<div>98 people - holy cats!  I was cringing at 50.  With 98 people I hope their home has a parking lot or you're hiring a valet :)</div><div>
</div><div>I would absolutely hate attending a shower that big.  Sitting through hours of gift opening is not a good time, and I *like* showers.</div>

divadancer11

ceh789- It is at a big restaurant and the room holds up to 150, so we are good there. Trust me I dont like big showers either but what is a girl to do?!?! The BM's already know it is going to be a quick assembly line There are some OOT people and some that have already told my granny when she brought it up to them that it will probably be too far so we will see.

A girl I worked with invited 80(something) and only 40 showed but she is a biotch and her invitation stated "Please come join us to shower "her name" and "his name" with gifts....yep tacky

DramaGeek

In my circle, 50 is way too many.  Have you checked with the hostess(es) to be sure they can afford for you to invite that many people?  It should really be up to them as to how big your invite list can be.

As far as separate showers, that's how it's done in my circle.  Each shower is a general group (his family, her family, friends, etc) and they usually are only 20ish people.  However, someone must offer to host for it to happen, you can't ask someone to host it.

kelsey+brandon

I was thinking 50 was a lot too. I know Greensboro and Raleigh are only an hour + away from each other, but it's kind of a long way to go just for a shower. 

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:18db32c1-37f2-4b9c-80af-53720161ad13Post:0c4c9d27-6d01-4387-ac32-c1a28c028541">Re: Bridal Shower - Hosting</a>:
[QUOTE]As far as separate showers, that's how it's done in my circle.  Each shower is a general group (his family, her family, friends, etc) and they usually are only 20ish people.  However, someone must offer to host for it to happen, you can't ask someone to host it.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

<div>I see the same thing at the showers I attend.  20ish people is plenty of present opening to watch and more than enough people to socialize with.</div><div>
</div><div>I don't think there's anything wrong with having 3 or 30 showers as long as you're not asking the same people to all of them (including Bridesmaids!)</div>

bmoruzzi

50 is a lot, but I doubt everyone will come so you should be fine.  

TiffannieF

My cousin hosted a shower at her mom's house. 

50 doesn't seem like *too* many, just make sure there are only 1-2 games. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

50 is a lot. You need to see how many people your MOH was planning on accomodating. If it's less than 50, cut down the list. If someone else wants to host a shower, cool, but if not, you have to work with what you have to work with.

FWIW, for most people, the MOB hosting a shower isn't poor etiquette anymore. But if it is in your circle, then that option is out.

Viczaesar

Showers are gifts that people offer to give to you.  You don't walk up to someone and ask them to host a party for you.  If nobody in Greensboro offers to host a third shower for you, then you don't get one there.  Whether or not your other showers can accommodate 50 people depends on the hosts - ask them for a number of guests that they feel comfortable with and can afford to host, and go from there.

LeiselEB

50 is not too many, nor are 3 showers so long as the guest lists do not overlap. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

It's definitely fine for your mother to allow others to host a party in her home. If you rent out a restaurant for a party, is the restaurant throwing you the party? Same logic applies here. Her house would be the location, but the hosts would be other people. 

JacklovesSarah

I think 3 showers is fine. The more the merrier! What's wrong with celebrating again and again?

As for your mother's house, I didn't even know that it wasn't appropriate until I stumbled up on it on The Knot. If you don't have room for it anywhere else, or you can't afford a place, I don't see why your mother's condo is a big deal. I don't think anyone would really question it.

Supposedly it's supposed to keep it from looking like your family is just asking for gifts for you? Something like that? Anyone who knows you, knows that you wouldn't just have a get together just for the presents. In my experience bridal showers are gift-optional anyway.  No one should care if it was at your mom's. And if they did, they aren't your friends, so who cares?

On the invites you can always word it as "hosted by so-and-so" and "located at Mom's"

Have fun! Don't stress about it too much

vaneshwa124

I'm having multiple showers as well. Our families are just to big to do just 1, I think it is fine for a shower to be at your moms house and someone else to host it. That's no big deal :-)