What is proper +1 Etiquette??

CrystalWagner755

My Fiance and I have started to narrow down our invite list, but I have one dilemma I am just not sure on: Who Gets Plus One's? Everyone? Only Non-single friends? Is there a general cut off date regarding how long the couple has been together to follow? (friends of ours used a one year cut-off) We want a good amount of our college friends to come, and obviously that would be easier if those that are single did not have a +1, but at the same time I do not want to step on any toes, and get the awkward write in's when we get our responses back.
Any input would be greatly appreciated!

aurianna

If someone considers themself in a relationship (regardless of length of time together), they are in a relationship and a social unit. So anyone you want to invite, you should find out if they consider themself in a relationship, and if so, find out their SO's name and include it on the invite.

You do not need to include a +1 for guests who are truely single, but it's always nice if you can afford it.

aragx6

If they consider themselves in a relationship then that is a social unit and they should be invited together. There's no hard and fast rule for how long that is, and when you arbitrarily set one you get into relationship judging which is never a good plan.

So truly singles don't need plus ones (though wedding party and guests who would truly know no one else are often exceptions), but anyone in a relationship must be invited with their SO by name.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-proper-1-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:19ee47c3-63bb-40e7-a4c4-2d131bb56a8dPost:6cc2e6f4-f68d-4add-bec5-161328f49f99">What is proper +1 Etiquette??</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fiance and I have started to narrow down our invite list, but I have one dilemma I am just not sure on: Who Gets Plus One's? Everyone? Only Non-single friends? Is there a general cut off date regarding how long the couple has been together to follow? (friends of ours used a one year cut-off) We want a good amount of our college friends to come, and obviously that would be easier if those that are single did not have a +1, but at the same time I do not want to step on any toes, and get the awkward write in's when we get our responses back. Any input would be greatly appreciated!
Posted by CrystalWagner755[/QUOTE]

 Anyone who says they are dating someone/in a relationship has a SO so the invitation automatically gets addressed to both of them by name.  Length of time in relationship has zero bearing on the invitation.  It would be rude to exclude the SO.


+1s are given to truly single guests .   Etiquette wise, it's okay to not extend a +1 to your singles, however if your space and budget allow it, it's a very nice gesture.  Most B&Gs do give the courtesy of +1s to their BP members even if they can't extend that courtesy to all of their guests.

Does that help a bit?

CrystalWagner755

Yes, all responses have been very helpful and make complete sense. Thank you!!

Mrs.B6302007

Regarding the awkward write-in situation:

It does happen, either because of people asking to bring a +1 or because guests are in new relationships of which the B&G were unaware.  If at all possible, budget for couples the whole time.  Then if you do send an invitation to a friend whom you thought was single and then you find out guest is dating someone, you've already planned for that "spot".  If you  plan in pairs and then don't need to offer a +1 to a single guest, then you saved yourself a little bit of money.

Should your guest write in someone on the RSVP card who is not a SO and to whom the invitation was not addressed, you can certainly call the guest and explain that the invitation was only for him or her. 

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-proper-1-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:19ee47c3-63bb-40e7-a4c4-2d131bb56a8dPost:c5666bf3-0e44-44d3-9f28-b1896d2ac472">Re: What is proper +1 Etiquette??</a>:
[QUOTE]If someone considers themself in a relationship (regardless of length of time together), they are in a relationship and a social unit. So anyone you want to invite, you should find out if they consider themself in a relationship, and if so, find out their SO's name and include it on the invite. You do not need to include a +1 for guests who are truely single, but it's always nice if you can afford it.
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

This, but make sure you leave a little bit of buffer room for those guests that may begin a relationship after invites have gone out.  Such as John was single when invites went out, but then started seeing someone a week or so later.  That SO should then be invited (verbally) to come as well since they are now a social unit.

CrystalWagner755

Thanks!!

[Deleted User]

Another thought to add on to the PPs. If you have people coming in from out of the area for the wedding, are not in a relationship, and may not know many people at the wedding, giving them a +1 would be considerate.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-proper-1-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:19ee47c3-63bb-40e7-a4c4-2d131bb56a8dPost:17c7de3f-40a9-4003-8647-fec5b7e2fd4c">Re: What is proper +1 Etiquette??</a>:
[QUOTE]Another thought to add on to the PPs. If you have people coming in from out of the area for the wedding, are not in a relationship, and may not know many people at the wedding, giving them a +1 would be considerate.
Posted by JordanF13[/QUOTE]

I agree with this whole heartedly!

Mrs.B6302007

Yep, very true about OOT guests.

kaos16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-proper-1-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:19ee47c3-63bb-40e7-a4c4-2d131bb56a8dPost:dec322b7-ede7-43ea-90af-b3f5d882f358">Re: What is proper +1 Etiquette??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is proper +1 Etiquette?? : This, but make sure you leave a little bit of buffer room for those guests that may begin a relationship after invites have gone out.  Such as John was single when invites went out, but then started seeing someone a week or so later.  That SO should then be invited (verbally) to come as well since they are now a social unit.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

To piggyback on this, if you discover after sending invitations that a guest you thought was truly single has a SO you should welcome that SO and apologize for your oversight. . . . I just had to do this on Tuesday.

lauraanne9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-proper-1-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:19ee47c3-63bb-40e7-a4c4-2d131bb56a8dPost:6cc2e6f4-f68d-4add-bec5-161328f49f99">What is proper +1 Etiquette??</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fiance and I have started to narrow down our invite list, but I have one dilemma I am just not sure on: Who Gets Plus One's? Everyone? Only Non-single friends? Is there a general cut off date regarding how long the couple has been together to follow? (friends of ours used a one year cut-off) We want a good amount of our college friends to come, and obviously that would be easier if those that are single did not have a +1, but at the same time I do not want to step on any toes, and get the awkward write in's when we get our responses back. Any input would be greatly appreciated!
Posted by CrystalWagner755[/QUOTE]

<div>While we were tracking down addresses, we just asked the people who we were not sure about their relationship ststus.  We said something along the lines of "We need your mailing address and the name of your significant other for the invitation" (it was more polite than this, I actually think we asked who they would like included on the invitation as their guest).  And, if the person had a name, that guest was invited by name.  If they didn't give us a name, they were invited without one.  Also solved the issue of them being upset later, as we asked them and gave them a chance to put just about anyone they wanted on the invite!</div>