Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is This An Invitation?

I just received this Facebook message this morning. It's a little rambly, so I cut out the unimportant stuff.

"Serious question. We set our wedding date for March 23, 2012 (yes, quick, for health insurance and benefits purposes). It's gonna be in New Jersey, which is a hike, and it's on a Friday night, which would require folks to both a hotel room and taking time off work. 

I have you on the invite list, but I know it would be asking a lot to make the trip, shell out hotel and take vacation days. It's no offense to me if you can't make the trip or would just like to be home that weekend, depending on schedules. 

I didn't want you to feel obligated to go, but I didn't want to say 'it's too much of a hassle for people to come that far for a few hour shindig' and not give you the choice. Totally up to you. (---)'s in the bridal party, and (---)i is invited. I'm extending the same email to (---), as I don't want her to feel obligated to make the trek from afar if she doesn't want to. 

Choice is yours. Just get back to me when you can. 

Thanks :)"

Um. What do I say? I'm glad to be invited, and I might actually go. But, I have no idea. We're not really all that close (even though she did say "I BETTER BE INVITED" when I said I was engaged, so um, she's invited to my wedding), but I like her. We run a lot of events together, but I've never been to her house or anything.

I just don't know how to reply.
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Re: Is This An Invitation?

  • Well she said you're on the invite list, so I guess that means you're invited...This is a very strange message to send to someone though. She should have just invited you normally and let you decide whether or not it's too much of a trip.

    I have a feeling that she wants to save money on invitations and is weeding out people she wants to invite but that may not come so that she then doesn't have to send an invitation. Just a hunch...

    I'd respond and tell her you're honored to be invited and that you would like to go if you're able to. I'm not really sure what kind of answer she's expecting, but just be honest with her.

    Hope that helps!
  • It sounds like they're probably trying to figure out if people are going to commit to making the trip now. My guess is if you say no you won't be receiving an actual invitation in the mail.

    Like Duds said, if you want to go then go. If you don't, just tell her you already have some other commitment that weekend. 
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  • That's what it sounds like to me, too, but my question is moreso, do I have to tell her right now? Is this The Invite? It sounds weird, like she's asking me to tell her right now whether I can go or not. I don't know what I'm doing in late March.
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  • I would reply and say something about how I'd like to go, but of course I won't know for sure whether we can commit until February or March, and we'd RSVP for sure when we got the invitation.
  • Thanks guys. I'm going with:

    "I'm truly honored  to be invited (that sounds so weird written out, but it's true), and we'd love to come, depending on our schedules and finances at that time. We won't know for sure until February or March, but we'll RSVP for sure when we get the invite. As far as races, I'm open that weekend. March is typically a little crammed, because I have family stuff that month every year, but I don't know that it would be that late in the month. Keep me in the loop, though, for sure.

    If you need anything, let me know. I'm doing a lot of things myself for mine (invites, Save-The-Dates, programs, flowers, favors, etc.), and I've done it for friends' weddings, so just holler if you want help. Or, if you just want to vent or have a question. We're not that far along in planning, but I've been reading up.

    Thanks again, and congrats! So excited for you!"
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  • Sounds like a nice response you gave! I bet she is trying to figure out her final numbers before planning. Yikes. Wouldn't it be nice for us all to know our no/yes ratio way in advance so we can budget accordingly? It just doesn't work that way. I imagine if you said you would not be able to make it, you wouldn't receive a true invitation and she would allot your spot or money for your plate elsewhere. Tacky for sure.
  • I think your response is a lot more gratious and well-thought-out then her original message to you :) so I say send it!
  • Ok everyone. I'm sendin' it! I also asked a friend who knows both of us, and she agreed with everything said here. Just so you can all pat yourselves on the back and all that.
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  • Very gracious response on your part :)

  • I would assume you are invited, because she made a point of saying you are on the guest list.  I guess it is her way of sending a STD, without actually sending one.
    Respond with whatever you wish, attending or not attending.
  • I guess she did it to be able to invite 'b-listers', when the real invitations come around... Good reply though!
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