Future SIL drama

hrlichtenstein

My SIL is being rediculous.  She is going behind my back and complaining about how she's not involved in my wedding.  I didn't ask her to be in my wedding party b/c I haven't known her for very long.  My FH has 2 brothers both married.  One SIL I've known for 8 yrs she's in the wedding party and his 2 brothers are as well.  My sister is my MOH and her husband is not in our wedding party.  Its not like i'm excluding her.  We are doing a sibling table at the reception so we will be sitting with them specifically to include her.  I don't understand why she needs to go behind my back and cry to my MIL about  me.  Also, she did not show up to my shower and never got back to me about having her sons hand out programs at the wedding.  She has never once called to see how things are going or to ask if she can help.  I'd just assume leave it that way, but instead she started all this drama about how i'm excluding her.  I dont know what to do....

Also I'm 26 and she's 40! I should also mention that she and my MIL are BFFs so my MIL sided w/ her and complained to my other SIL (the one in the wedding) about how I'm not doign enough to involve the other one- without coming to me about it to even see if its true.  I want to keep everyone happy, but right now I don't want anything to do with her!

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_future-sil-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a25446e-8422-4ce2-a168-65f83dd269b4Post:2922b103-8509-46d6-b2f8-f3c508fa70c9">Future SIL drama</a>:
[QUOTE]My SIL is being rediculous.  She is going behind my back and complaining about how she's not involved in my wedding.  I didn't ask her to be in my wedding party b/c I haven't known her for very long.  My FH has 2 brothers both married.  One SIL I've known for 8 yrs she's in the wedding party and his 2 brothers are as well.  My sister is my MOH and her husband is not in our wedding party.  Its not like i'm excluding her.  We are doing a sibling table at the reception so we will be sitting with them specifically to include her.  I don't understand why she needs to go behind my back and cry to my MIL about  me.  Also, she did not show up to my shower and never got back to me about having her sons hand out programs at the wedding.  She has never once called to see how things are going or to ask if she can help.  I'd just assume leave it that way, but instead she started all this drama about how i'm excluding her.  I dont know what to do.... Also I'm 26 and she's 40! I should also mention that she and my MIL are BFFs so my MIL sided w/ her and complained to my other SIL (the one in the wedding) about how I'm not doign enough to involve the other one- without coming to me about it to even see if its true.  I want to keep everyone happy, but right now I don't want anything to do with her!
Posted by hrlichtenstein[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Nobody should guilt you into including anyone.  Tell your FI to talk to your mom and FSIL, and explain that the WP is not a point of debate.  

</div>

garyandjenna

I wish I had better advice to give you,& I am dealing with a similar problem with my future SIL & MIL. The conclusion I've come to, is this... Its your day. People seem to lose sight of the fact that this is about you and your fi..and making your commitments. Nothing else matters- not the dress, the reception,.. really.. I'm excited for my wedding more than anything- but seriously, people are really selfish. It's over before you know it.. so don't worry so much about what OTHER people want-- and give yourself a break from them for a few weeks. :-) Good luck!

jmkaiser

I've been dealing with the same thing. Here's my perspective: if she's the kind of person that talks bad about you why would you have her in your wedding? It's that simple. I said the same thing to my FSIL. I asked her if she can logically see a reason why I would have her in my bridal party if she's never been nice to me and has never gone out of her way to be nice to me but only talk behind my back.

I agree....there are a lot of selfish people that show up during the wedding planning stages. People have lost complete site of the day and it kind of disgusts me.

firsttimersluck

ooooh I'm getting the same thing. All I can do it say whatever.. honestly.. in my situation, I have tried to make the effort, and she is slowly coming around, but since she's not putting forth the effort in without me pushing, why WOULD I want her standing up for me?

What we are doing, which is a thought for you, is getting her a corsage along with the Mom's so that she feels like she is still NOTED in the wedding party as part of the important family. We're also putting a "reserve" sign on her chair for her.

ADTonk

I think you've done all you should do.  She sounds incredibly immature.  Just let it ride out - she'll get over it eventually.

janinekk

Ahhh, the fun of FSIL drama. What is up with all these drama llama's?? When my FI's brother got married a few years ago, my name wasn't on the invititation, I wasn't invited to any events related to the wedding, and was not included in pictures or anything the day of. (We'd been dating 11 months) Then after the wedding we did not receive a link to the pics, and when I finally got it from someone else, and looked through all 2,000 pics, I was not in a single one of them. Coincidence? I mean, I was the gf of a groomsman. Here we are, 4 years later, and I told her about the wedding as soon as we picked the date and she is going to "see if she can get off work". (she only works 4 days a week and makes her own schedule) I mean really.

If your FSIL didn't bother to get back to you about her sons, and is talking about you behind your back, what makes her think you would want her to be a BM in your wedding?! She has shown no interest in being part of your day (other than complaining about it), so why should you include her anymore than she really is.

Just ignore her. Like ADTonk said, she'll get over it.

firsttimersluck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_future-sil-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a25446e-8422-4ce2-a168-65f83dd269b4Post:57ae9ac1-8d3e-4513-aeb0-f087f7ed04e2">Re: Future SIL drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Ahhh, the fun of FSIL drama. What is up with all these drama llama's?? When my FI's brother got married a few years ago, my name wasn't on the invititation, I wasn't invited to any events related to the wedding, and was not included in pictures or anything the day of. (We'd been dating 11 months) Then after the wedding we did not receive a link to the pics, and when I finally got it from someone else, and looked through all 2,000 pics, I was not in a single one of them. Coincidence? I mean, I was the gf of a groomsman. Here we are, 4 years later, and I told her about the wedding as soon as we picked the date and she is going to "see if she can get off work". (she only works 4 days a week and makes her own schedule) I mean really. If your FSIL didn't bother to get back to you about her sons, and is talking about you behind your back, what makes her think you would want her to be a BM in your wedding?! She has shown no interest in being part of your day (other than complaining about it), so why should you include her anymore than she really is. Just ignore her. Like ADTonk said, she'll get over it.
Posted by janinekk[/QUOTE]


oh man I feel your pain! My FSIL did the whole "well since you guys don't even really want me there since I haven't been asked to be in the WP I don't think I'll even come"

I'm thinkings.. you're an idiot. your daddy is paying for your hotel room and plane ticket so you basically get a free vaca out of it...
I SAID "I'm sorry if that makes you feel like you aren't wanted at the wedding and if you really feel that you will be uncomfortable there don't force yourself to come and be part of something you don't want to be, but know that we both look forward to you attending and being a part of celebrate our marriage"

She apologize.
hah

blahblah85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_future-sil-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a25446e-8422-4ce2-a168-65f83dd269b4Post:2922b103-8509-46d6-b2f8-f3c508fa70c9">Future SIL drama</a>:
[QUOTE]My SIL is being rediculous.  She is going behind my back and complaining about how she's not involved in my wedding.  I didn't ask her to be in my wedding party b/c I haven't known her for very long.  My FH has 2 brothers both married.  One SIL I've known for 8 yrs she's in the wedding party and his 2 brothers are as well.  My sister is my MOH and her husband is not in our wedding party.  Its not like i'm excluding her.  We are doing a sibling table at the reception so we will be sitting with them specifically to include her.  I don't understand why she needs to go behind my back and cry to my MIL about  me.  Also, she did not show up to my shower and never got back to me about having her sons hand out programs at the wedding.  She has never once called to see how things are going or to ask if she can help.  I'd just assume leave it that way, but instead she started all this drama about how i'm excluding her.  I dont know what to do.... Also I'm 26 and she's 40!<strong> I should also mention that she and my MIL are BFFs so my MIL sided w/ her and complained to my other SIL (the one in the wedding) about how I'm not doign enough to involve the other one</strong>- without coming to me about it to even see if its true.  I want to keep everyone happy, but right now I don't want anything to do with her!
Posted by hrlichtenstein[/QUOTE]
 
Of course your MIL is going to take your SIL's side.  Shes her daughter.  Ignore it.  Hold your head high.  After the wedding it won't matter.

janinekk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_future-sil-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a25446e-8422-4ce2-a168-65f83dd269b4Post:abf1bfd4-08fb-4af3-bd97-38facea0e34f">Re: Future SIL drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Future SIL drama : oh man I feel your pain! My FSIL did the whole "well since you guys don't even really want me there since I haven't been asked to be in the WP I don't think I'll even come" I'm thinkings.. you're an idiot. your daddy is paying for your hotel room and plane ticket so you basically get a free vaca out of it... I SAID "I'm sorry if that makes you feel like you aren't wanted at the wedding and if you really feel that you will be uncomfortable there don't force yourself to come and be part of something you don't want to be, but know that we both look forward to you attending and being a part of celebrate our marriage" She apologize. hah
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

LOL Killing her with kindness. Good for you! That's my strategy too. =O)