*

lilgina64

*

danieliza1127

I don't see how you could even be questioning your priorities right now.  Obviously your dad is more important.

I think all you need to do for your friend is write her back and console her through FB message.  If that's how she told you about all this and you've got all this other stuff going on, responding in the same way is fine in my book.

tlv204

I don't think that makes you an awful person at all. One of my friends whined to me for an hour last night about some asshat she's sleeping with and not one single time did she inquire about my life at all. I don't even have anything serious going on, but I still don't really care about her melodrama.

Edit: I think this makes ME the terrible person But this is one of the friends I'm trying to phase out anyway so oh well. I agree with Dani, I'm surprised you even asked, but I guess I can understand wanting to make sure you're not totally ditching your friend. Anyway I don't think you are. Send her a message back that says "Sorry, he's a douche who doesn't know what he's missing, you're beautiful/funny/smart/etc. and will find the perfect guy before you know it" and it will work wonders. Seriously, just copy and paste what I just wrote, then go back to dealing with your own life and helping your dady however you can.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-priorities-lj-long-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a863b31-8c6a-4880-a669-85981ffbc22ePost:07cc8546-9263-4282-b443-7fb49b33a257">Re: WWYD- priorities (LJ, long, advice)</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see how you could even be questioning your priorities right now. 
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I don't think that came out right.  What I was saying is I don't see how you could think you're wrong for putting the focus on yourself, your dad, and your family.  Like, of course, obviously you are doing the right thing. 

laurenclaire1386

Um, no. That does not make you a terrible friend. If your melodramatic friend is self centered enough to think that being on a break from her BF of six months is in any way comparable to what you're dealing with, then she's off her rocker. I'm a terrible bitch under stress, so I probably would have shot a message back that said exactly that. I don't think it's fair to completely drop your friends when you're going through a rough time, but I would NEVER send a whiny message like that to any friends of mine if they had as much on their plate as you do.

I'm really sorry for all you're going through. Hugs.

betrothed123

No, it's 100% okay fo ryou to not go comfort her.  Your emotional burden is a bit heavier than hers at this moment, so I doubt you'd be very good at comforting her anyway.

beatlesgirl25

C'mere you. :hugs:

I don't think you're an awful person for feeling this way. I'm guessing your friend is aware of all of your stressors too, so she could have called another support but probably wasn't in her right mind to do so at the moment. She must really trust and depend on you, which is not a bad thing in a friendship. But really, she's got your other friend at least to hang out with tonight, so you're not abandoning her. Could you chat/check in with her on the phone today and promise a future time soon to hang out for post-breakup girly time? You need to take care of yourself during this time, otherwise you won't be able to be there for her or your family, or Mr. LilG. If she is really close with you, she should understand this.

Koopa17

I agree with what Dani said.  You are going through so much right now, responding through fb is all that is necessary.  I'm sure in her moment of panic/sadness last night she probably wasn't thinking much when she sent you her sob story.  Especially if she is going through depression right now anyway, I'm sure it was a hard hit to her and she might not have been thinking clearly.

But yes, your dad comes first and you should not be expected to babysit her.  Send her a quick, comforting note and be done with it for now. 

tlv204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-priorities-lj-long-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a863b31-8c6a-4880-a669-85981ffbc22ePost:21e121be-d8ac-4eac-83f6-5f8118faff65">Re: WWYD- priorities (LJ, long, advice)</a>:
[QUOTE]That and since I'm the only one of my friends now who is married, everyone's response is "oh you wouldnt be able to relate, you're married".... because I wasn't single for the majority of my life apparently?
Posted by lilgina64[/QUOTE]

Oh my god I know what you mean. If I hear that one more time I'm going to scream. If you don't think I understand what you're talking about and won't listen to any of my advice, then stop fucking complaining about it to me!

cengle

"That does not make you a terrible friend. If your melodramatic friend is self centered enough to think that being on a break from her BF of six months is in any way comparable to what you're dealing with, then she's off her rocker"

I agree with this 100%.  It sounds like you're the type of person who puts everyone else first, which can take a toll on you.  I don't think you're a bad person at all.  Quite the opposite, actually. 
*Hugs*  I hope things start turning up for you and your family soon!

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-priorities-lj-long-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a863b31-8c6a-4880-a669-85981ffbc22ePost:8565fa23-468f-4fc4-bb1e-a2404f1d01f2">Re: WWYD- priorities (LJ, long, advice)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WWYD- priorities (LJ, long, advice) : Oh my god I know what you mean. If I hear that one more time I'm going to scream. If you don't think I understand what you're talking about and won't listen to any of my advice, then stop fucking complaining about it to me!
Posted by tlv204[/QUOTE]

This, and didn't you ladies also hear? Once you say those vows, you are no longer allowed to complain about relationshippy stuff to single people because you're good and married, and all your troubles are gone forever.

Btw LilG, "suck it up and deal with it" is one of my personal favorites. You would be within your rights to use this, but I think you'd regret it later. ;)

Kati0105

Lil, I rarely say this to people but I wish for your sake that you were less caring and selfless sometimes.  Between this girl and your sister it seems like you are always worrying about other people and their issues when right now you should be worrying about your father obviously but also YOURSELF. It is ok to be a selfish person sometimes in life, and for you now should definitely be one of those times.  I wouldn't even dignify her message with a response honestly.

terbear_86

Your dad is way more important than a six month relationship. Your friend, as a true friend, who would know what was going on with your dad, should have at least waited until a decent time to mention something in passing, not call you up at random hours. I  am very sorry btw, for what your father is going through, it can't be easy on any of you.

Maybe if this is a relationship you want to keep and salvage, suggest something like a lunch or dinner with her but the set rules are to keep it happy. No talking about sad things, give yourselves a quick break. Stress builds on everyone, everyone needs to let some steam out. It will help you deal with everything else better too.

Pirata13

You're all good. These kinds of things rub on my nerves. My good friend Mary & I have talked about this in great detail. She has not had an easy life, and especially when her mother was sick, she went through stuff like this with people and she wanted to strangle them.  Like how do these people NOT think about what you are dealing with right now? Just complete selfishness and self-absorption on their part.

ootmother2

You are NOT an insensitive biitch!

When my dad was dying, everything other than my child went on hold.  I told my clients (and my boss) that I would be in three days a week. My backups could pick up my slack and I didn't care if they gave my backup my commissions. 

My dad was only going to be around for 6 months (turned out to be three) but my job and my clients would still be there and if they had a problem with that, they could have someone else trade for them.

Get your prioritie straight and make very sure everyone else knows what they are!