FMIL wearing white or Ivory.

MacFreitas7

So this is KIND of a XP BUT.. i just couldn't resist..

On the M&M board poor OP is so saddened by the fact that her FMIL had purchased an Ivory suit to wear. She wants to tell her FMIL to "please not wear this"

some of the girls are saying to just drop it, you can't dictate what people wear to your wedding others say that it's happened to them before and the spotlight wasn't taken off of them. Also that she shouldn't say anything to her FMIL because "that's just the best way to start off your relationship into her family, by throwing a temper tantrum"

Ugh, who mentioned a temper tantrum?!

I say. Please tell your FMIL how you feel because I would seriously be PISSED... if my FMIL wore an ivory dress or suit I'd be pissed but wouldn't (or at least try) not to go all bridezilla on her a$$.. that's just rude and wrong to wear white or ivory to a wedding that is not your own.

How would YOU feel?

laurenclaire1386

Both my mom and FMIL asked me what they should wear to the wedding. I told them I didn't care, so long as it wasn't white. I'd probably say something. How the hell do people NOT know this rule? It's the one piece of wedding etiquette I was aware of before hanging out here. Yeah, I know, no one will get mistaken for the bride. I get that, but I still find the concept of anyone wearing head to toe white to a wedding when they're not the one getting married incredibly rude. Is it the end of the world? No. Worth being a complete biitch to FMIL? No. Worth having a polite conversation and saying that it would bother me? Absolutely.

ohwhynot

I wouldn't care.  I can say that completely truthfully - I think the whole custom of having white or ivory be taboo for anyone but the bride is outdated and ridiculous.  I judge you a bit for the level of outrage you expressed in the other thread.  The phrase "throwing a tantrum" was in response to you going off on how extremely pissed you'd be. 

sclams

I wouldn't be terribly happy about it, but it wouldn't bother me enough to say anything. If it was a long white dress, maybe I would talk to her, because that's just crazy, but an ivory suit? Not a big deal.

cengle

I honestly think the only reason I would be offended by it is if FMIL was doing it to with the intention of being spiteful to the bride.  If it was just cluelessness that it was considered rude, than I wouldn't care. If someone is that upset about it, and you think you can have a mature, thoughtful discussion with the FMIL, than by all means, do so. 

apple_green

I wouldn't be pissed, but I'd notice. I might say something like "Oh, it's white!" And then drop it. My mom wore a white dress to by bridal shower and I said nothing. Pretty sure I was the only one who noticed.

noelle24

My FMIL asked me about wearing white.  She's from a completely different culture and was unaware of the "rules" here.  I personally don't care, but I worry about other guests judging her.  For that reason, I suggested she wear any other color.

marissa_claire

Uh... I wouldn't care?  I helped my mom pick her dress, it's champagne in color and looks nothing like mine so I truly fail to see the big deal.   And guess what - I love it because my mom feels great in it and she rarely finds clothes that fit her well. 

 I think this is an outdated rule.  A suit sure doesn't look anything like a bridal dress, so it just seems silly to rule out an entire color block for a wedding day.  The only reason this rule exists is because there have been people in the past who would wear a white dress that looked similar to the bride's dress - I mean back in the day dresses were much more similar across the board than they are now.  Nowadays, there are tons of white or off-white dresses that are completely different styles. 

Furthermore, I have yet to hear of anyone wanting to wear a pure white dress. I actually am not sure what I would think of a pure white dress because I think a cream or champagne color is a bit more okay.  

There just happens to exist a lot of really pretty dresses that are in that off-white color palette.

emilyinchile

In fairness, the use of the phrase "temper tantrum" came in response not to OP but to you saying OP should tell her FMIL "how you can't freakin believe that she would wear an ivory suit."

I would probably just let it go, but in some FDIL/FMIL or son/mother relationships it would be fine to mention the concern and see if the FMIL would consider wearing something else. It is not fine however, in my opinion, to come across as aggressively as you'd worded it. That sets it up as a fight, and it's a fight that's just not worth it.

vsgal

My MIL is a grown woman and knows how to dress herself. She didn't need me to steer her or tell her what color to wear and I didn't need to concern myself with her choice.  As long as she is comfortable and looks and feels great, I could have cared less what she wore. 

Saying something to your MIL is in poor taste.  You can't dictate what people wear to the wedding.  It is rude.  The only exception to this is the wedding party.  Nobody will confuse your MIL or MOB with the bride.  See, the bride is the one with the fancy dress and her new H by her side.

I know about the post that you are refering to.  The reason "temper tantrum" came up is because getting that upset about the fashion choice of someone else is bratty, selfish and indicitive of a small child.

Stackeye210

I just went to a wedding where the ENTIRE family of the bride and groom all wore white to the wedding.  It was weird, but it was their "thing".  And you know what?  I still knew exactly which one was the bride.  It didn't take away from her beauty in the least bit. 

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I thought an old tradition was that the groom's mother wore beige and just shut up.

Seriously.  That's what my fmil said, lol.  She's wearing black though.

I don't think anyone else's outfit besides your own at your wedding is worth fussing this much about.

MacFreitas7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-wearing-white-ivory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ae05f93-93b6-42b9-b0ed-6a598e789339Post:5a9ed369-5ba0-4f0c-a114-e913f3aa80e3">Re: FMIL wearing white or Ivory.</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't care.  I can say that completely truthfully - I think the whole custom of having white or ivory be taboo for anyone but the bride is outdated and ridiculous.  I judge you a bit for the level of outrage you expressed in the other thread.  <strong>The phrase "throwing a tantrum" was in response to you going off on how extremely pissed you'd be.</strong> 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

Definitely not. The knottie who used this term was talking about what I said but is was directed towards the OP and how she might go about talking to her FMIL... "throwing a temper tantrum over a dress"

For some reason (this i don't know at ALL to be true in any way, shape or form) but what if OP's FMIL is doing this in purpose... does that help? Also OP said she wanted to cry... clearly she's upset by this...

I just feel bad for OP... and i don't want her to have to hide how she feels... that's what I get out of her post :)

megjm.614

I would honestly be upset based on the principle, MOB/FMIL should just know that being that they are in the spotlight they shouldn't be wearing white, my mom knows this, my FMIL knows this and so does everyone else. It's not like some random second cousin twice removed wore white it's someone who is going to be in all of the wedding photos with you. I think looking back on the photos is when I'd be the most pissed because the bride is supposed to stick out like a sore thumb and with someone else wearing white it wouldn't be like that.

emilyinchile

Meg, you really think that the bride in the big white dress in the middle of the photos holding a bouquet isn't going to stick out compared to MIL over on the side of a photo in a suit that happens to be ivory rather than champagne or beige? Trust me, she will.

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-wearing-white-ivory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ae05f93-93b6-42b9-b0ed-6a598e789339Post:e6700322-4280-4229-9201-7d9b6d75d676">Re: FMIL wearing white or Ivory.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL wearing white or Ivory. : <strong>Definitely not. The knottie who used this term was talking about what I said but is was directed towards the OP and how she might go about talking to her FMIL... "throwing a temper tantrum over a dress" </strong>For some reason (this i don't know at ALL to be true in any way, shape or form) but what if OP's FMIL is doing this in purpose... does that help? Also OP said she wanted to cry... clearly she's upset by this... I just feel bad for OP... and i don't want her to have to hide how she feels... that's what I get out of her post :)
Posted by MacFreitas7[/QUOTE]

I'm pretty sure you are the only one reading that thread this way. 

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-wearing-white-ivory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ae05f93-93b6-42b9-b0ed-6a598e789339Post:e6700322-4280-4229-9201-7d9b6d75d676">Re: FMIL wearing white or Ivory.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL wearing white or Ivory. : Definitely not. The knottie who used this term was talking about what I said but is was directed towards the OP and how she might go about talking to her FMIL... "throwing a temper tantrum over a dress" For some reason (this i don't know at ALL to be true in any way, shape or form) but what if OP's FMIL is doing this in purpose... does that help? Also OP said she wanted to cry... clearly she's upset by this... I just feel bad for OP... and i don't want her to have to hide how she feels... that's what I get out of her post :)
Posted by MacFreitas7[/QUOTE]

I think it's a little childish to be upset that FMIL is wearing an ivory pant suit.  I mean, if she was wearing a poofy, frilly dress, then I could understand the upset, but, it's a pant suit.  (The only caveat to this is if the bride, herself, was wearing a white/ivory pant suit.)

If guests say anything, it will be FMIL that looks bad, not the bride.  If the bride makes an issue about it, it will be she that looks bad. 

emilyinchile

OWN, eye to eye.

I also meant to say in my first post that in some relationships, this would be no big deal and could be talked about. But when you're posting on the internet asking "how do I tell her not to do this?!?!" my first thought is that you probably don't have that kind of relationship or else you'd already be talking instead of asking strangers for advice.

jess9802

With any luck the original poster will have a Kelly Kapoor attending her wedding, and FMIL's decision to wear an elegant ivory pantsuit at a wedding will hardly be noticed.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-wearing-white-ivory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ae05f93-93b6-42b9-b0ed-6a598e789339Post:6403def0-77c7-4fe4-87fd-6d25e5402fae">Re: FMIL wearing white or Ivory.</a>:
[QUOTE]With any luck the original poster will have a Kelly Kapoor attending her wedding, and FMIL's decision to wear an elegant ivory pantsuit at a wedding will hardly be noticed.
Posted by jess9802[/QUOTE]
FTW! Every time I think of someone wearing white to a wedding, Kelly Kapoor is who I think of.

megjm.614

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-wearing-white-ivory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ae05f93-93b6-42b9-b0ed-6a598e789339Post:6403def0-77c7-4fe4-87fd-6d25e5402fae">Re: FMIL wearing white or Ivory.</a>:
[QUOTE]With any luck the original poster will have a Kelly Kapoor attending her wedding, and FMIL's decision to wear an elegant ivory pantsuit at a wedding will hardly be noticed.
Posted by jess9802[/QUOTE]

<div>Hahah touche</div>

ootmother2

I replied to that post I think.

I said that while it is considered poor etiqutte to wear white to a wedding, it just reflects on the person wearing it, not on the bride.

vsgal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-wearing-white-ivory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ae05f93-93b6-42b9-b0ed-6a598e789339Post:e6700322-4280-4229-9201-7d9b6d75d676">Re: FMIL wearing white or Ivory.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL wearing white or Ivory. : Definitely not. The knottie who used this term was talking about what I said but is was directed towards the OP and how she might go about talking to her FMIL... "throwing a temper tantrum over a dress" For some reason (this i don't know at ALL to be true in any way, shape or form) but what if OP's FMIL is doing this in purpose... does that help? Also OP said she wanted to cry... clearly she's upset by this... I just feel bad for OP... and i don't want her to have to hide how she feels... that's what I get out of her post :)
Posted by MacFreitas7[/QUOTE]

Honestly, even if the MIL is doing this on purpose, the result will still be the same.  No one will confuse her with the bride.   

If the OP wants to cry about this, that is her own fault.  She has a choice in how she reacts.  She can cry or she can shrug and move on.  It is her decision.  No one makes anyone feel anything. A human being's reaction to a situation is solely their reaction.  This is why some of us don't care and some would be upset.

arv266

I wouldn't give a rats a$$.  For my first wedding I insisted that my FMIL wear white and also picked a white dress for my sister who was my MOH.  My FMIL looked stunning, as did my sister, and trust me NO one was confused as who was the bride.  I guess my huge bouquet gave it away.  I do not feel that being a bride entitles me to having my very own personal color for the day. 

Celles

It would bother me.  It would also bother FI, who is oddly sensitive about things like this.  If FMIL planned to wear white, I'm positive that FI would mention it to her.  Politely. 

megk8oz

I wouldn't have cared. My mother would rather die than violate the "only the bride wears white" rule (She's old school like that), and had my MIL done it, then she would have looked like an ass, not me. So why would I care?

Outside of the WP, if somebody is dressed terribly or inappropriately, it does not reflect poorly on the bride or groom. It reflects poorly on the idiot that can't dress themselves properly.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Yeah, I'd say something. I went to a wedding last year where the MOB was wearing an ivory suit. Yikes.

A random guest? No, not unless they asked me to clear their outfit with them. Your own mom or your FMIL? Absolutely, I would bring it up. In a polite, "I think that might not be the best choice" way.

mgietler76

I personally do not get what the BD is. If she was wearing a white gown I'd have some words for her, but an ivory pant suit? eh Who cares?

mwhitson14

I don't think it would bother me. Both MOG and MOB wore champagne, NBD. It bothered me more to see Shane's uncle in a trucker hat and a camo t-shirt.

eshaufle

It will reflect poorly on the FMIL only.  It's no different than a guest wearing something inappropriate...no one will think poorly on the bride, only the guest who made the faux pas.

With that being said, depending on your relationship with your FMIl, you could probably talk about it with her if you think she's unaware of the etiquette.  I know my own mom would be so upset if I knew she was breaking an etiquette rule and I didn't tell her.  There's a nice way to approach this.

And if they don't feel comfortable discussing with FMIL, either have the FI bring it up nicely or just leave it alone.

HKD817

Honestly, who cares. Who made up this rule anyway? My FMIL is wearing a cream colored gown and she looks absolutely stunning! She was more worried about it then I was but I absolutely would not let her pass up on this dress. It is beautiful and she will be beautiful. All I want is for everyone to be comfortable and happy. The day is not about what you wear. The whole guest list could come in white for all I care.