my dad (a little sad and kinda long)

pinkiemo

So about 2 months ago my father had a stroke.  He lost the ability to move the right side of his body and speak.  Since then though, he's done a lot better.  He can walk with a walker now, but speaking and eating are still a challenge.  He's been working really really hard and I know it was so that he could get to my wedding.  He was even cleared by the doctors to travel from California to Oregon for the wedding.  My dad and I are extremely close and we've been talking about the wedding almost daily for a year until this happened.  I live in Chicago and have been travelling back and forth to visit him often.
A few days ago, my aunt (my dad's power of attorney) called to tell me she decided that my dad should not go to the wedding, and that he made it clear to her that he didn't want to go.  My mom and brother met with him too and agreed that he's just too nervous to go.  He's physically able, but emotionally scared.  It's been really hard on me to think of him not being there with my, but I'm slowly getting through it.  I can't get him there without the support of my family.
My question now is this:  my sister suggested getting a webcam set up so that he can watch the wedding from the stroke rehab facility where he's staying.  I liked the idea but my brother thought it would be too hard on dad, who's already very upset and sad that he's not going.  So what do you guys think?  Should I try to do a real-time webcam?  Or should I just come down to visit him later with the video and watch it with him?  Would a webcam just be a painful reminder that he's not there?

Sorry for the long post, thanks for listening you guys.

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dad-little-sad-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b01d959-e967-4eda-9670-d54f3ed65e10Post:69a9157a-1b47-420d-9ed1-93e7a571e3f8">Re: my dad (a little sad and kinda long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think one of the reasons she can't ask her dad is that it's not going to be his job to get himself to the wedding. If her relatives are unwilling or unable to do the driving and care that is required to get him there, then his opinion doesn't really matter. Getting my grandma to my wedding was similar to this.
Posted by ac_in_dc[/QUOTE]
She may not be able to just take his opinion on whether or not he'd like to make the trip.  She can ask him if he would prefer to see it live, or see her in person with a video, though.

pinkiemo

Yeah, the plan was to have a male nurse accompany him to the wedding.  But I think my aunt never really wanted him to go no matter what, she just thought it was too dangerous.  He can't talk at all, so I can't ask him his wishes.  He's very emotional right now, so whenever I try to get on the phone with him he starts crying.  My aunt, mom and brother are pretty much guessing at his wishes for travelling based on his face and the way he says "yes" (the only word he can speak), but since my mom and brother really wanted him to come (my mom even offered to charter a plane if that's what it took), I'm going to trust them that that's what he wants.

JK10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dad-little-sad-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b01d959-e967-4eda-9670-d54f3ed65e10Post:bd2c6054-b1b3-4038-846c-5dadff8b364e">Re: my dad (a little sad and kinda long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my dad (a little sad and kinda long) : She may not be able to just take his opinion on whether or not he'd like to make the trip.  She can ask him if he would prefer to see it live, or see her in person with a video, though.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

Yes, this is what I meant too.

JK10910

Ok...so ask them what they think.  They obviously have some way to communicate with him.

Sorry, this sounds harsh and blunt, I really am sorry for your situation, I can't imagine being in it myself. 

pinkiemo

Yeah the problem with asking what he would prefer is that he can't talk.  So unfortunately I have to make the decision about the video without him.

ac_in_dc

I'm so sorry. Just make sure to tell your dad you'll be thinking of him on your wedding day.

At my wedding, my sister gave me a ring of my grandma's to wear, and then I was able to show her pix after the fact; it was a nice way to show her that I was thinking of her. Maybe you could do something like this.

Night_Sprite

Can he write or nod his head?

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dad-little-sad-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b01d959-e967-4eda-9670-d54f3ed65e10Post:75b8a5db-cf3f-4279-8559-8b612ee0ddbb">Re: my dad (a little sad and kinda long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok...so ask them what they think.  They obviously have some way to communicate with him. Sorry, this sounds harsh and blunt, I really am sorry for your situation, I can't imagine being in it myself. 
Posted by JK10910[/QUOTE]
Ditto this.  If they can be so sure of his wishes, then they can find out what he would prefer.

squirrly

Wait - your aunt is POA, not your mom or you or your siblings?  Are your parents divorced and your siblings uninvolved/unable/underage?  Sorry, that just seems odd to me.

As for what to do - go ask him.  Talk to him.  See what he wants. 

kristinanddan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dad-little-sad-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b01d959-e967-4eda-9670-d54f3ed65e10Post:f0363f75-edf6-4b0c-af2c-c8d8e179698c">Re: my dad (a little sad and kinda long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah the problem with asking what he would prefer is that he can't talk.  So unfortunately I have to make the decision about the video without him.
Posted by pinkiemo[/QUOTE]

Can't they ask if he would like to watch it on a webcam? You said he can say yes, so if he does there's your answer. I'm very sorry for your situation, that must be so sad.

pinkiemo

I really appreciate everyone's help and opinions, thanks for that.  To the people who told me to go ask him what he wants or have others ask him what he wants, if that were a possibility I would have done that.  Unfortunately it's not.  He is unable to speak, write, or read and he hasn't understood the question when my brother tried to ask him before.  I miss him and would love to be able to talk to him and ask him questions again.  Maybe someday that will happen, but not right now. 
Again, for those of you who gave their opinions on a video vs. a webcam, I really appreciate the help.  Thanks

pinkiemo

kristanandan, well the problem is he say yes to everything, it's the only word he can say.  you ask him his name he says yes, you ask him what he wants for dinner he says yes. 

but thank you, and everyone else too, for the kind words.  it is really hard and I'll always be sad that he wasn't there.  but i'll still get to do the one thing i wanted to do that day which is marry my FI.  i just wanted to try and make it as happy as possible for my dad even though he won't be there.