Family weddings 1 mo apart

tanyamary627

My FI's cousin & her FI are getting married 1 month before we are.  FI's cousin & her FI also became engaged 1 month before we did.  FI and I had been together for over 5 years, had talked about getting married, and had looked at rings before FI's cousin became engaged.  When we told the news of our engagement to FI's cousin's parents, the first thing they said to FI was "I didn't know you had plans to propose." We got the vibe from them that they think FI only proposed to me because his cousin had just recently got engaged, which wasn't at all the case.

FI's family is small and there haven't been any family weddings in a very long time, so the family is very excited about both weddings and the moms/aunts are constantly chatting about them.  We were both planning weddings for late spring/early summer 2013 without realizing the other was, and booked our venues the same week.  FI's cousin and myself don't have an issue with the weddings being close, it's not the same weekend, nor back-to-back weekends, and both honeymoons will be later in the year versus after the wedding, so we can attend each others weddings without a problem.  Several members of FI's extended family, however, have made comments about how the weddings are very close and FI's cousin's mom complained about having to fly her son (the one family member that will have to travel) home twice in a 4-week period because of the weddings.  I try to not let it bother me, but comments are always made at family gatherings and it's upsetting. 

FI's cousin is interested in meeting with the same photographer that my FI have already booked.  The photog is not from our area and they have never heard of them before they asked who we were using and we answered.  They do photography part-time and are just starting up.  We had a great connection w/ the photographers and they are the vendor we are most excited to work with.  Is it selfish and rude of me to politely request that they not use the same photographer as we are, since their wedding is 1 month before ours and we are already taking the heat from FI extended family about "copying" them? I want each of our wedding days to be unique and special! TIA for any advice

DelBride2012

Is it possible you're taking the comments a little too personally? It's possible that the people who are inconvenienced are talking about it just because it's on their mind and not because they're trying to dig at you. Or, maybe they are. 

As for the photog, I think you'll come off as really bratty if you ask them not to use yours. Honestly I would say the same thing if you asked her to change her more visually obvious vendors (like dress, cake, venue) for the same reason, but this is especially not going to be obvious to guests... it comes off as petty. 

tanyamary627

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-weddings-1-mo-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b1c8d66-3938-4bab-a2ea-945ec96bfafePost:133bf06f-2168-489e-83ff-119024b37d90">Re: Family weddings 1 mo apart</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it possible you're taking the comments a little too personally? It's possible that the people who are inconvenienced are talking about it just because it's on their mind and not because they're trying to dig at you. Or, maybe they are.  As for the photog, I think you'll come off as really bratty if you ask them not to use yours. Honestly I would say the same thing if you asked her to change her more visually obvious vendors (like dress, cake, venue) for the same reason, but this is especially not going to be obvious to guests... it comes off as petty. 
Posted by DelBride2012[/QUOTE]

I likely am taking the comments too personally.  They've treated me like family for years, even though its not official yet.  The comments from FI's cousin's mom may be digs, since she is extremely involved in the wedding planning process of her daughter, & extremely excited (as she should be!), and I get the feeling she thinks we are copying and trying to steal their thunder. 

JaxInBlue

First, I think it's great that the couples involved in this are not stressing above the dates being close.  It's nice.  If you can continue to ignore the comments from others, I think people will eventually remember that invitations to weddings are not mandates or court commons - they do not need to go if it's a hardship.  If FI's cousin's mom says more about the son, FI can let her know that it's great if he can come, but not expected or required (especially if its too much).

As far as the photographers, in my personal opinion, that's actually the vendor I'd be least concerned about "copying" with.  It's not like you see the pictures that day.  And the people in the pictures, I'm assuming, are going to be totally different at least for the standard bridal party photos.  Unless you plan on widely circulating your photos at the same time, people will probably not even remember that your photog was the same.

If you want to withhold connect info, that's up to you.  But I'd pass it along and leave it up to the photog and your cousin to see if the fit, price, time needed, etc. work for everyone.  It's possible that you might get a benefit for your own photos for referring someone - more shots, a discount, a larger album - and helping to build their business.  It's also possible that the photog might be booked, they might not work well together or the price might not be right.  And in the long run, a nice gesture towards your FI's extended family might do more than not sharing the info. 

mkrupar

It's completely possible that your photographer is already booked the day of their wedding, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. If all you're worried about is FI's Aunt being crappy about you guys using the same photog, and you don't really care, then don't with hold the awesome photog info. You want the to have nice photos of their wedding, just as much as you do for yours.

tanyamary627

Thanks for the advice.  I'll let it go, I don't want to come across as being a brat and our photographers are awesome and I would love for them to build their company. 

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-weddings-1-mo-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b1c8d66-3938-4bab-a2ea-945ec96bfafePost:022b0083-4292-4866-9b9c-49f842fcb2a8">Re: Family weddings 1 mo apart</a>:
[QUOTE]My cousin set her wedding date 3 weeks after mine and got a good deal of flack for it (I didn't care). She just had to develop thick skin and ignore them since that weekend was the only weekend left for 2012 that worked for them.  Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

Our situation was similar - we actually had a different wedding date in mind, then she told us she had booked hers for exactly 1 week after our date (she didn't know of our possible date), so we contacted the venue for additional available dates and went with a month later instead of the weekend before which worked w/ our schedules and wasn't the same weekend as any other wedding we are attending that season.  I need to work on the thick skin!

tanyamary627

This is why I love these boards.  I was freaking out about this an hour ago but now after typing it down and hearing your feeback I realize how minor this is!

J&K10910

Yeah, I don't get the photog thing.  Our photog was fantastic, and I want her to get more business, so I would be thrilled out of my mind if someone I knew wanted to use her.  I recommend her to everyone I know.

Lisa50

*deep breath*  I'm writing this with a kind tone and don't want to hurt your feelings in any way, but there is barely anything "unique" about anyone's wedding.  Special, yes, and what makes it special is you and your fiance.

Focus on what you want to do and how you want the day to feel.  If you use a couple of the same vendors as your cousin ... so what?

Try to ignore the comments (I know that's difficult!).  Some people just think it's their place to put in their unsolicited $0.02 about other people's plans and lives.  Oh well.

Have fun planning your wedding and let the naysayers marinate in their negativity.

tanyamary627

Thank you Lisa!