Let's Talk About This (Potentially NSFW)

brittneyh4

My boss does this, she breast fed her son until he was 3, and now that she has a 6 mo old, he gets mad (he is 4 now) that he doesn't get "boob juice" (his terms, not mine). I'm on the "if they're old enough to ask, they shouldn't do it" camp.

She also has her two kids in bed with her, and usually H gets kicked to the couch if he can't sleep (her H is friends with FI so we hear all about it). It's odd to me. I'd rather sleep with my H than kicking 4 yr olds, but I don't have kids yet, so that may change. I slept in my crib/bed growing up and I managed.

mari0225

I'm with the whatever works best but when they can unhook your bra that's just too long.

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-talk-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b573969-87e7-4453-9582-e996ef89a0cdPost:8ab21ab8-9f53-465b-8399-e112482090d6">Re: Let's Talk About This</a>:
[QUOTE]All I know is, if I had a kid, I would not want them to see that cover in the line at the grocery store.
Posted by raes19[/QUOTE]
There are far, far worse things that they see daily than someone being breastfed. Don't be ridiculous.

I find that AP makes me feel all squidgy. There's just something very uncomfortable about it. I think it puts the needs of the child above that of either partner, and I do not condone this thinking. Also, most of us here grew up without this kind of stuff, and we're fine. I don't understand why we have to rewrite the child-rearing book every generation when what was happening before obviously got us to where we are now.

But then again, I kinda hate kids, so......

zigspective

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-talk-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b573969-87e7-4453-9582-e996ef89a0cdPost:0557f19b-d71a-447b-9b69-cc92b95c7ac8">Re: Let's Talk About This (Potentially NSFW)</a>:
[QUOTE]That's a good point Adamar. I just wonder if attachment parenting is more beneficial to the parent or the child. I mean there are mom's in this world that just.can't.let.go. And it's usually because THEY don't want to, not because a child/teen/grown ass adult doesn't want to.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

<div>Ever try to force a child to breastfeed? You can't.</div><div>
</div><div>And trust me, most moms are ready for breastfeeding to stop long before the kids are, same with bed sharing.</div><div>
</div><div>So let's err on the side that these people are doing the right thing for them.</div>

HappinessByTheKilowatt

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-talk-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b573969-87e7-4453-9582-e996ef89a0cdPost:890267f6-a97b-4881-8acc-47ddafe08429">Re: Let's Talk About This</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Let's Talk About This : There are far, far worse things that they see daily than someone being breastfed. Don't be ridiculous. I find that AP makes me feel all squidgy. There's just something very uncomfortable about it. I think it puts the needs of the child above that of either partner, and I do not condone this thinking. Also, most of us here grew up without this kind of stuff, and we're fine. I don't understand why we have to rewrite the child-rearing book every generation when what was happening before obviously got us to where we are now. But then again, I kinda hate kids, so......
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

I don't think your dislike of kids makes you wrong. I adore children, and I still agree with pretty much everything you've said. I understand people want "new and better" in life, but some things just work and IDK why people always want to screw with that. I think it goes right along with wanting to be "unique" and "different", lsimilar to the stupid things people name their kids now. I think people give children WAY too much power these days as well.

melanieky

In Response to Re: Let's Talk About This (Potentially NSFW):
[QUOTE]My boss does this, she breast fed her son until he was 3, and now that she has a 6 mo old, he gets mad (he is 4 now) that he doesn't get "boob juice" (his terms, not mine). I'm on the "if they're old enough to ask, they shouldn't do it" camp. She also has her two kids in bed with her, and usually H gets kicked to the couch if he can't sleep (her H is friends with FI so we hear all about it). It's odd to me. I'd rather sleep with my H than kicking 4 yr olds, but I don't have kids yet, so that may change. I slept in my crib/bed growing up and I managed.
Posted by brittneyh4[/QUOTE]

Yeah that's not good. I bet that could be an awkward situation if you were out in public. Do you know how your boss usually handles that when it comes up? As someone else put it, I'm glad I was done breast feeding before I could remember actually doing it.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-talk-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b573969-87e7-4453-9582-e996ef89a0cdPost:890267f6-a97b-4881-8acc-47ddafe08429">Re: Let's Talk About This</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Let's Talk About This : There are far, far worse things that they see daily than someone being breastfed. Don't be ridiculous. I find that AP makes me feel all squidgy. There's just something very uncomfortable about it. I think it puts the needs of the child above that of either partner, and I do not condone this thinking. <strong>Also, most of us here grew up without this kind of stuff, and we're fine. I don't understand why we have to rewrite the child-rearing book every generation when what was happening before obviously got us to where we are now.</strong> But then again, I kinda hate kids, so......
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

This!  Actually, I think parenting was probably better a few generations ago, in some aspects.  Look at how dependent kids are today into adulthood compared with 50 years ago.  Of course, the economy partially plays into it, but overall, I think the helicopter parenting and doing <em>everything</em> for your kids has led to the entitlement generation we have today.  Now you practically get arrested for spanking your kids, or you're thought of as cruel if you make your kids actually do chores.  /rant

brittneyh4

Melanie work won't let me quote, but she just smiles and says it's for sister, not for him anymore. "You want her to grow up and be big and strong like you, don't you?" is how it usually goes. It's awkward 99% of the time.

ETA: Jemmini I'm 100% with you. My grandparents did an awesome job with disciplining me, and I respected them. My own parents who never followed through with a thing? Not so much.

angelstar975

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-talk-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b573969-87e7-4453-9582-e996ef89a0cdPost:4f2753bd-1013-4cd7-8706-110e6c8fbb91">Re:Let's Talk About This Potentially NSFW</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Let's Talk About This Potentially NSFW : Yeah.  Of course it's just a show, but still, it's weird.  When they can unhook your bra themselves, I think it's time to stop.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

The documentary I saw was about actual people who do it. It was so creepy, the mom was breastfeeding her 8 year old son and giving an interview about how it's so natural, etc.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-talk-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b573969-87e7-4453-9582-e996ef89a0cdPost:ff441410-dd2a-4d01-95f9-361d5087dcb0">Re:Let's Talk About This Potentially NSFW</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Let's Talk About This Potentially NSFW : The documentary I saw was about actual people who do it. It was so creepy, the mom was breastfeeding her 8 year old son and giving an interview about how it's so natural, etc.
Posted by angelstar975[/QUOTE]

Oh, then yeah, that's really odd.  Toddlers?  Not my perogative, but I won't judge.  Children who are in 3rd+ grade?  Um, hell no.

I can imagine him having a much different attraction to breasts when he gets that age...

zigspective

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-talk-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b573969-87e7-4453-9582-e996ef89a0cdPost:a9768cd9-df65-4eef-96f3-7213015029d2">Re: Let's Talk About This</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Let's Talk About This : This!  Actually, I think parenting was probably better a few generations ago, in some aspects.  Look at how dependent kids are today into adulthood compared with 50 years ago.  Of course, the economy partially plays into it, but overall, I think the helicopter parenting and doing everything for your kids has led to the entitlement generation we have today.  Now you practically get arrested for spanking your kids, or you're thought of as cruel if you make your kids actually do chores.  /rant
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>If you actually look at statistics this doesn't play out at all. It's he 1950's through 1980's that were the aberration in history.</div><div>
</div><div>Before then you would almost never see a daughter or a son move out of the family home until they were married. And many didn't marry as early as you would think either. It was perfectly normal to have a 30 year-old man living at home with mom and dad if he didn't have a wife yet.</div><div>
</div><div>In most cases, just by going off to college young adults today are far more independent than their great-grandparents were.</div><div>
</div><div>And of course in many cultures men never leave the family home and women only leave their parents' home to join their inlaws' home. These types of family arrangements have existed for centuries but interestingly their culture continues to survive.</div>

myname1234

I'm a parent.  I have 2 kids.  I did make the decision to BF for various reasons.  One thing that was difficult was the transition time for them from 'tap' to bottle.  They were very fussy.     Same thing goes for when my daughter transitioned from her swing to her crib (she had to sleep in her swing for the first year due to a being born with stage 4 GERD).  It was a long process with many sleepless nights of her screaming her head off.

Kids don't like change.  They balk.  

I admit I didn't read the whole article (at work and the picture would get me trouble), but I don't think this is 100% putting the child above themselves.  I think it's more of a "i don't want to say no to my child" or "i don't want little Sammy to cry because i took his boobie away"

It teaches, IMO, more an entitlement thing to kids.  "Mommy never said no to me, why should you?!?"

AceTT

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-talk-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b573969-87e7-4453-9582-e996ef89a0cdPost:f8da8017-6391-4b09-b549-d03c893c2042">Re: Let's Talk About This (Potentially NSFW)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My boss does this, she breast fed her son until he was 3, and now that she has a 6 mo old, he gets mad (he is 4 now) that he doesn't get "boob juice" (his terms, not mine).</strong> I'm on the "if they're old enough to ask, they shouldn't do it" camp. She also has her two kids in bed with her, and usually H gets kicked to the couch if he can't sleep (her H is friends with FI so we hear all about it). It's odd to me. I'd rather sleep with my H than kicking 4 yr olds, but I don't have kids yet, so that may change. I slept in my crib/bed growing up and I managed.
Posted by brittneyh4[/QUOTE]
That just creeps me out. I completely agree with this quote from SATC:<div>
</div><div><div><div>Carrie: There's a woman in there breastfeeding a child who can chew steak.</div><div>Miranda: You know how I feel about that. If you can ask for it, you're probably too old for it.</div></div></div>

eorea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-talk-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b573969-87e7-4453-9582-e996ef89a0cdPost:7fec0596-d386-47f1-82b6-e4b2131b90fa">Re: Let's Talk About This (Potentially NSFW)</a>:
[QUOTE]The title on the cover really bothers me. Are you mom enough? First of all, I hate how breast feeding is shoved down women's throats in general when it's such a personal choice, but to suggest that if you don't want your toddler still sucking on your boob when he's old enough to go to preschool, then you're not a good enough mom, that's absurd. Parenting styles vary and I don't think one is better than the other, generally speaking. Obviously if you neglect your child, that's bad... but I think it's also bad to spend every second with your child. They need to learn to be independent.
Posted by angelstar975[/QUOTE]

I'm still reading the thread but I pretty much agree with all of this.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-talk-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b573969-87e7-4453-9582-e996ef89a0cdPost:f055be9c-de6d-459a-b2a1-8e9666ac539a">Re: Let's Talk About This (Potentially NSFW)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to  Re: Let's Talk About This (Potentially NSFW) : Ever try to force a child to breastfeed? You can't. And trust me, most moms are ready for breastfeeding to stop long before the kids are, same with bed sharing. So let's err on the side that these people are doing the right thing for them.
Posted by zigspective[/QUOTE]


Have you ever  read AP on TB?   Yeah, some of those woman are crying and bawling that their 12 months old is having a nursing strike and asking for ways to get the child back on the boob.   And there are plenty of suggestions on how.

I agree that in  most woman are not like that, but after reading that board I've question who AP is  benefiting more from the arrangement the mom or the child?  Well should I say I question certain posters, not really the concept itself.


On another note, these mommy wars are just ridiculous. . What works for one family does not work for another.  What works for one child might not work for another.  

mkrupar

It seems some of my posts disappeared. Including my view on cosleeping. If my husband is being kicked out of our bed because of kids in it, there's a problem IMO. That, to me is interferring with our relationship. Husbands and wives need time away from the kids. There is no reason a child needs to be attached to a parent's hip 24 hours a day. How about teaching them a little independence?

Lizzieyounce

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-talk-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b573969-87e7-4453-9582-e996ef89a0cdPost:a9768cd9-df65-4eef-96f3-7213015029d2">Re: Let's Talk About This</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Let's Talk About This : This!  Actually, I think parenting was probably better a few generations ago, in some aspects.  Look at how dependent kids are today into adulthood compared with 50 years ago.  Of course, the economy partially plays into it, but overall, I think the helicopter parenting and doing everything for your kids has led to the entitlement generation we have today.  Now you practically get arrested for spanking your kids, or you're thought of as cruel if you make your kids actually do chores.  /rant
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This!</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

jparris14

So...I have an almost 3 year old son and I may just be the total opposite of this type of parent.  I didn't breastfeed (more b/c I couldn't, not for lack of want), I don't sleep with my son unless he's very, very sick, I work full time so my son goes to a daycare and I do sometimes pop his behind *insert horrified gasp here* and to top it all off...I'm a single parent so he transitions between 2 houses.
That being said...my son is smart, well adjusted, meets all of his milestones and then some ahead of schedule, is social, happy and multilingual.  He knows Spanish, English and sign language (but being 2, he doesn't listen in any language :-)).
In the past 3 years, I cannot even being to tell you how many times I've received "advice" or been told what I'm doing "wrong" by other parents and even complete strangers.
Parenting is probably the most competative thing I've ever taken place in!  Even more than my corporate job!! 
I feel like just like any relationship, being a parent is so unique to each parent and each child that there is no "right" or "wrong" way.  Just like the clothes you wear, it is a matter of preference once you get past the basics of food, shelter, safety, etc.
I know some people are outraged b/c I spank my child...that's their opinion.  Some kids don't need that extra step when it comes to discipline...some do.  My son is not mal-adjusted, have low self esteem, doesn't get physically violent, etc b/c of his occasional pop on the butt.

Sorry for the rant :-)  I do feel very strongly about it.
I just think basic things like teaching your child respect, consideration and empathy, independence and generosity should be way more of a priority than how long you breastfeed or where they sleep.

harpsdesire

So the cover picture:  It squicks me out big time.

Not because of the breastfeeding.  I have no problem with people feeding babies in public (a 5-6 year old as shown on the cover... yeah side-eye, but not really my business).  It's the icky-looking way the mom and child are posed that creeps me out.

The mom is just standing there like some kind of a human milk dispenser, looking pleased with herself or perhaps thinking "Go ahead, tell me this is wrong; I WILL END YOU."  No mom-child eye contact, no snuggles, no expression of nurturing in the mother's expression...  It almost looks like the poor awkwardly balancing little boy just pulled a chair up to any old woman. :P

mizutamababy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_lets-talk-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b573969-87e7-4453-9582-e996ef89a0cdPost:7fec0596-d386-47f1-82b6-e4b2131b90fa">Re: Let's Talk About This (Potentially NSFW)</a>:
[QUOTE]Obviously if you neglect your child, that's bad... but I think it's also bad to spend every second with your child. They need to learn to be independent.
Posted by angelstar975[/QUOTE]

Not a parent, but as a teacher I agree.  I see kids that spend waaay too much time being held and coddled by mom and they're always the biggest problem kids in class when they start our school program.  They can't stand to be alone without mom and usually continue to whine and bawl every class for months when they don't get their way; makes it stressful for both teacher and their classmates.  If I could count all the ways teaching has showed me how NOT to be a parent should I ever become one, lol.

It's really frustrating and it takes a long time for some kids to grow out of it.  Some kids never do grow out of it and instead I (or another teacher) become like a "second mom" while the kid is with us and they pretty much attach themselves to our hip.

For the record I have no issue with breastfeeding, co-sleeping (pretty much every family does this where we live as it's a cultural tradition), or wearing your kid.  The problem arises when the parent does either or to the point their child has no independent skills of their own or cannot function socially without their mother there and is no longer in the best interest of the child.