Inviting guests to only reception

microkelly

We had originally planned to get married in Sept. on FI's family farm, but plans fell through so we are now searching for another venue. I already have the reception location booked. It is a golf corse clubhouse. Well, we have two options now. We can either get married outside on the golf corse which has pretty good scenery or we can get married in this really cute little country chapel. Either option would cost about the same. I'm really leaning toward the chapel but the problem is the chapel only hold abour 140 people and our guest list is 200. Would it be ok to invite only imediate family to the chapel and still invite the others to the reception (as our wedding party already includes all our closest friends)? Our immediate family would take up the whole church! Most of the people left out would be coworkers and friends from highschool/college. I just don't want to hurt any one's feelings but I really love the chapel! What would I say on the invitation (I know I'd need to have 2).

BecW2be

Get married on the golf course. That's the easiest and most polite option.

ring_pop

Who exactly are you counting in your "immediate" family of 140? Technically it's OK to have a small ceremony and larger reception, but only if the ceremony is VERY small compared to the reception.

Are you really willing to sacrifice having these people witness your marriage for the sake of a pretty chapel?

MeaghanandMichael

No, you can not tier your wedding. If you are really set on the chapel, the only way to have the breakdown work is parents and siblings only attending the service (so, like 15 people max?) People understand a very intimate ceremony, but would rightfully be offended by a full out two tiered wedding.

The golf course will be very pretty and will graciously include every one who is coming to support you on your special day.

danieliza1127

I second that, just get married on the golf course and invite everyone.

If you invite 140 people to the ceremony and exclude those 60 people, they will know and feelings will be hurt.  If you're going to do that, I would just cut those 60 out all together.  If it's not important to you that they be at the actual wedding, which is the most important part of the whole thing, then why invite them at all?

Moneypenny424

I agree with ring_pop:  if you're talking a small ceremony (like 15 of the 200), I don't have a problem with that.  The ceremony is my favorite part of a wedding though, so I'd be bummed to miss it. 

I'd also be annoyed if 140 were at the ceremony and I was in the outcast 60 group.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I would only do this if your immediate family is 20 people.

Have you sent out save-the-dates? If not, cut your guest list to 140 for the entire thing, or get married on the golf course.

microkelly

haha ok I'm glad I asked you guys. You are right. It's more important to have the people there and not the place so much.  Thanks for your honesty. The golf corse it will be then!

betrothed123

I also would love to know who you consider to be "iimmediate family."  By definition immediate family is someone who is related to you, by blood or marriage, out to the first degree (so in other words, spouses, children, parents, and siblings).

That having been said, get married on the golf course.

AmoroAgain

So you're planning to only leave out 60 people from the whole list?  That's not cool. Imagine yourself as one of those 60 who are good enough to give you a gift, but not good enough to see the ceremony.

danieliza1127

Yeah, I want to add that I agree with the others, that if your immediate family was only around 20 people then your idea would be fine.  Immediate family only included parents, grandparents, and siblings plus their spouses, so I'm sure you guys don't have 140 immediate family members. 

microkelly

I just included aunts, uncles (our parents have 20 siblings all together), and their children in that. I can't imagine leaving any of them out. I really wouldn't care if I only got invited to a coworker or old friend's reception but i do think it would be tacky to only not include 60 people. Especially in the gift aspect.

SarahPLiz

DO it on the golf course. A friend of mine did this because the chapel only held 30 and she wanted to invite 100 guests. Guess what.. none of the reception-only people showed at ALL. The ceremony is the important part of the celebration, so I , personally, wouldn't want to skip it.

sucrets4

I would like to add that course has a u in it.

irshis20

Why does this question get asked so much? I'm worried for our society if this many people really don't understand what's so offensive about inviting some people to only half of a wedding. It's a terrible trend.