Question for the Marrieds...

shortee426

Hi ladies,

I have posted a couple questions here before, and now I have one more...

For those of you who lived with your H before the wedding, how did your relationship change after you got married?  

J and I have lived together for almost 3 years now.  I picture our life together as a married couple being very different than our life together now (hot dinner ready and waiting when he gets home sort of thing).  Realistically, other than a shared last name/bank account, I really am not sure how things will be different.  Thoughts everyone?...

FutureMrsFezz

No difference except the name.  Yeah it's cool, I get to call him my husband now.  But other than that, nothing changed.  For us anyway.

MissLeahM

It hasn't changed for us. Family stops by a lot more now, 'to see how married life is', but other than that nothing. 

Stackeye210

Nothing changed for us

ETA:  I take that back, the only thing that changed for us was Mr Stacks mom telling us every few weeks that she was praying for us because we were living in sin and she'd go crazy if something happened to Mr Stack because he wouldn't have been able to ask for forgivness yet. 

I know that makes her sound kind of crazy - but she wasn't crazy about it and I do love her to pieces, so don't get the wrong idea.  But us getting married helped her sleep at night, so that I guess was the only change. 

MyNameIsNot

For us, the only difference is that I got health insurance and we got matching dishes.  Other than that, really nothing changed.  

shortee426

The romantic, wannabe Susie Homemaker in me was thinking it would be a whole different world!  Really, I'm just excited to call him my husband, have his last name, and  be married to my best friend.

mandysmear

Nothing changed in our household.  We both still contribute to things around the house.  Some chores are exclusive to the person.  We both cook together (when he's  home).  Even if it's his day off.  It felt different in some weird way for me t hough.  Not everyone will agree with that.  I wasn't expecting anything to change in any aspect.  But it did feel different after the wedding.

mypalbabs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-marrieds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d78e46d-c19a-477b-a5e6-975452680665Post:855eeee4-e2bc-4f48-9a6b-d0f49813a362">Question for the Marrieds...</a>:
[QUOTE]I picture our life together as a married couple being very different than our life together now (hot dinner ready and waiting when he gets home sort of thing).
Posted by shortee426[/QUOTE]

 1954 called and they want their gender roles back.

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-marrieds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d78e46d-c19a-477b-a5e6-975452680665Post:c6f61828-6a68-4a25-ae9a-3b324c9656cd">Re: Question for the Marrieds...</a>:
[QUOTE]Nothing changed in our household.  We both still contribute to things around the house.  Some chores are exclusive to the person.  We both cook together (when he's  home).  Even if it's his day off.  It felt different in some weird way for me t hough.  Not everyone will agree with that.  I wasn't expecting anything to change in any aspect.  <strong>But it did feel different after the wedding.</strong>
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

I can relate to that.  It was like a sense of calm knowing that the other person will be with you forever. It was like this lifelong dream coming true that you didn't even know you had. 

FutureMrsFezz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-marrieds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d78e46d-c19a-477b-a5e6-975452680665Post:c6f61828-6a68-4a25-ae9a-3b324c9656cd">Re: Question for the Marrieds...</a>:
[QUOTE]Nothing changed in our household.  We both still contribute to things around the house.  Some chores are exclusive to the person.  We both cook together (when he's  home).  Even if it's his day off.  It felt different in some weird way for me t hough.  Not everyone will agree with that.  I wasn't expecting anything to change in any aspect.  <strong>But it did feel different after the wedding.</strong>
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

Word.  I can totally agree with that.  There was a feeling of, wow this is my husband and we're married.

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-marrieds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d78e46d-c19a-477b-a5e6-975452680665Post:481f00c2-3923-49e8-a2c5-310334ab626f">Re: Question for the Marrieds...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Question for the Marrieds... :  1954 called and they want their gender roles back.
Posted by mypalbabs[/QUOTE]

<div>Touche.</div><div>
</div><div>I should point out that J does all the cooking in our house. I tend to burn water :-p</div>

Calypso1977

i feel its very different, although i have yet to pinpoint exactly why.  i know that isnt much help, but being married definitely feels different to me.

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-marrieds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d78e46d-c19a-477b-a5e6-975452680665Post:c6f61828-6a68-4a25-ae9a-3b324c9656cd">Re: Question for the Marrieds...</a>:
[QUOTE]Nothing changed in our household.  We both still contribute to things around the house.  Some chores are exclusive to the person.  We both cook together (when he's  home).  Even if it's his day off.  It felt different in some weird way for me t hough.  Not everyone will agree with that.  <strong>I wasn't expecting anything to change in any aspect.  But it did feel different after the wedding.</strong>
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, that's kind of what I'm expecting.  I guess I perhaps didn't word it right (I was never good with verbalizing my thoughts), but that's what I was getting at.</div>

mypalbabs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-marrieds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d78e46d-c19a-477b-a5e6-975452680665Post:0e66e47b-f5ee-41ea-adf9-f25a709d74e2">Re: Question for the Marrieds...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question for the Marrieds... : Touche. I should point out that J does all the cooking in our house. I tend to burn water :-p
Posted by shortee426[/QUOTE]

Okay, now I'll actually answer the question!

Nothing changed, really.  We had already merged bank accounts, opted not to change our names, so nothing to do there, had already bought a house.

After traveling a <em>lot</em>  the year of the wedding (we live far from our families of origin), we stayed close to home for most of the next year, which was very nice.  

ohwhynot

It feels different - we're a team now.  We're perceived as a family unit, and we perceive ourselves that way, too.   

A lot of that has to do with M's role going from "Mom's boyfriend" to "StepDad," but even without that, there is a definite change in the air. 

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-marrieds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d78e46d-c19a-477b-a5e6-975452680665Post:0959a622-b144-4134-9c0c-fcc0635832d9">Re: Question for the Marrieds...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question for the Marrieds... : Okay, now I'll actually answer the question! Nothing changed, really.  We had already merged bank accounts, opted not to change our names, so nothing to do there, had already bought a house. After traveling a lot   the year of the wedding (<strong>we live far from our families of origin</strong>), we stayed close to home for most of the next year, which was very nice.  
Posted by mypalbabs[/QUOTE]

<div>We live far away from our families as well.  We live in Cali, J's family is in FL (his sisters are in NC), and my family is in NY/NJ (minus my parents who just moved to MD).  We have discussed moving back east to be closer to our families, but with everything going on right now, I have tabled that discussion until after the wedding. Perhaps moving across the country will help give me that "feeling". </div>

squirrly

We moved across country to a place where I don't know many people and have a baby on the way all within 6 months, so things are different.  But, I don't think we're typical.   

I feel somewhat more dependent on him, due to not having any family or many friends around.  It's also nice that we have the LEGAL ability to help each other and take care of each other more effectively and easily now. 

Our relationship isn't all THAT different, but it feels a smidge more solid.  Permanent.  In a good way.

kaesha

We lived together for 3 years before we got married, and I do think our married life is different. The changes are strictly emotional ones, as we'd already hashed out what our needs are as a couple who live together (ie. chores, downtime, etc). I think we're a lot closer to each other, and it feels like we're way more of a team who are committed to a common goal.

I would have been really sad if there hadn't been a change for us post-marriage.

NuggetBrain

I haven't had a hot dinner waiting and ready for him when he gets home in 10 years.  I sure as sh*t wasn't going to start doing it just because we got married. I'm with Squirrely, it does feel more solid for some reason.  Like, I feel somehow more vindicated with our "coupleness" than I did before we got married.  If that makes any sense.  Probably not.

Beachy730

We diidn't actually live together since we were LDR, but we were together every weekend and staying at eachothers places so it was as close to living together as we could be.  I still didn't think anything changed much.  I woke up the day after my wedding and remember thinking, "I feel like I should feel different."  But it was just another day but with a husband. 

The only 2 differences I have noticed are the money, since we have a joint account now, and luckily he is keeping me from using credit cards so those are getting paid off.  Its annoying sometimes to have to discuss a purchase with him, but its keeping us from buying frivolous things without thinking it over.

The only other difference is that there is this reassurance when you do fight.  Even when engaged I knew he loved me and planned to marry me, but there would still be a fight once in a while that I would think to myself "what if this is the one that makes him call the wedding off?"  But now that we are married its a comfort level in a way to know that things will be okay when we fight. 

Calypso1977

oh, and i got fat once i got married.  yep.  put on 20 pounds.  btu i think its hormonally related, so dont let it stress you out.

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-marrieds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d78e46d-c19a-477b-a5e6-975452680665Post:8b1becf7-7654-4c97-ae66-6c5942afa4aa">Re: Question for the Marrieds...</a>:
[QUOTE]oh, and i got fat once i got married.  yep.  put on 20 pounds.  btu i think its hormonally related, so dont let it stress you out.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

<div>Haha...I actually make fun of myself, cause I had lost about 30 pounds, then  I got engaged, then I put most of it back on. I think I'm a little backwards!</div>

aplatanada

The difference for us was in the money. Now that we are a unit in the eyes of the law, we both take spending and saving more seriously.  And of course, the extension of my health insurance to H.

And friends/family now feel free to ask us when we are going to produce children, which didn't happen before. They waited all of 20 minutes after our vow exchange to start asking.

salt78

Our relationship is exactly the same as it was before we got married. It's a little nicer actually. 

shortee426

Thanks for the input, everyone!  

BTW, Hi. Nice to meet you all :-)

mandapanda78

I actually have felt slightly "different" since our 1st anniversary last week, but I think that's just because I realized that I think much more about the future with Mr. P than I did when we were just living together. Inside our anniversary card he wrote "One down, a lifetime to go" and I sort of saw all the future of our lives flash before me- in a really, really, really good way.

tenofcups4me

No name change and we already had joint accounts so no changes there. In the day to day, there was no change. In the big picture, there was some sort of subtle change -- everything felt just slightly more "secure" or maybe "settled" in the good way (those aren't quite the right words, but I don't know what the right word is).

The only obvious change was that we were now allowed to sleep in the same bed at his parents' house, which was pretty damn funny since we already lived together, had both been previously married, and were in our 40s. But whatever...their house, their rules, and we simply didn't spend the night at their house at all till after we were married because of that (we went 45 mins. away to MY parents' house instead!).

impslave

Only thing that changed for us was that I got on his health insurance. Oh,and his mom had to finally come to terms with the fact that I was here to stay.

I haven't changed my name, we haven't merged finances, I still don't do his laundry and we still keep separate bathrooms.  Though when he had outpatient surgery last week, it was much easier to be kept in the loop since I was his wife.

Despite all the non-changes between living together and being married, I'm surprised that I've gotten into the being married thing.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-marrieds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d78e46d-c19a-477b-a5e6-975452680665Post:d7ccc919-c4ef-4493-a1e3-6108521d55b7">Re: Question for the Marrieds...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>It feels different - we're a team now.  We're perceived as a family unit, and we perceive ourselves that way, too.</strong>    A lot of that has to do with M's role going from "Mom's boyfriend" to "StepDad," but even without that, there is a definite change in the air. 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

This. I mean, we always thought of ourselves as a team, but there's just a little extra feeling of "we support each other over all else" now because we're family til death do us part.

NillaWafer10

Life is pretty much the same.  I was hoping that H would suddenly be inspired to pick up his socks, and I think he was hoping I would become a domestic goddess.  Strangely, our marriage license did not come with any wishes from a genie

MissLeahM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-marrieds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d78e46d-c19a-477b-a5e6-975452680665Post:0e66e47b-f5ee-41ea-adf9-f25a709d74e2">Re: Question for the Marrieds...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question for the Marrieds... : Touche. I should point out that J does all the cooking in our house. I tend to burn water :-p
Posted by shortee426[/QUOTE]

<div>We like to call it my 'smoky flavor' taste. I do about 90% of the cooking because if he cooked, we'd be eating spaghetti with sauce every night. </div>