Guest Limit

MegenQ

We have actually moved the date of the wedding up by a year, so now we have six months to plan everything. But that isn't the issue. We are having the wedding in a small area and the limit on guests is 115. We have a guest list of 118, but some of my family will not come and we are sending out invitations to them as a courtesy. My FMIL would like to invite not only her personal trainer, but also his wife, two daughters and their husbands. We do not know them at all. We explained that it is not an issue of money, my parents are paying for the reception. It is an issue of physical space. She wants to know if as we send out invitations and people are not able to come, if it would be okay to invite the personal trainer and others. Am I being a complete B*tch by saying no and not even giving her the wiggle room to invite people if the guest we truely want to be there can not come?

PS. FI does not want them there, he has already had to cut friends from the guest list so that some of his mother's friends can be invited.

MyUserName1

Nope, you're following proper etiquette by not B-listing people.  Stick to your guns.  And if you give reasons why, they'll just come up with excuses for why you should.  So just keep on "I'm so sorry, but we can't add anyone else!  Have you tried this bean dip?  It's amazing!"

pokepoke27

MyUserName is correct. Bean dipping is good for the soul  : p

Annas2013

I agree with pp.  Tell her how rude it would be to do that.  And if she doesn't care, then just ignore her.  If your parents are paying, then she has no say who gets invited, especially this late in the game.  If they were really important to her, they would have been added to the guest list before now.

MegenQ

This is the groom posting.

I would really love to get that 100% attendance. Recently it was the trainer issue that pushed me over the edge. Just cause my mother knows them and she was invited to there wedding does not make it ok to do this. What really grinds my gears is that she is counting on ten plus not showing. which considering the day and the location of some of the guest is most likely going to happen cause some of the guest are not even in the states at the moment

And my thing is once the invites go out the list is set. essentially what she wants to do is to see the guest count which would be at the 2 to 3 month mark out if it would allow it then to invite them. And at that point the catering should be set  the seating should be planned or at least roughed out. So in many ways this is just a logistical nightmare waiting to happen.

RebeccaB88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-limit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ddb5d7a-7a60-42ad-af71-d66bb2f1b8a7Post:3b05c1ae-afd0-4ea2-9db3-1f8a80349afa">Re: Guest Limit</a>:
[QUOTE]essentially what she wants to do is to see the guest count which would be at the 2 to 3 month mark out if it would allow it then to invite them. And at that point the catering should be set  the seating should be planned or at least roughed out.Posted by MegenQ[/QUOTE]

But see, you won't know the exact guest count at 2 to 3 months out.  Invitations shouldn't go out until 6 to 8 weeks before the wedding date, depending on when you need to give final hard numbers to the caterer.  So your final RSVP date wouldn't be until a couple weeks before the wedding. You won't know until then how many you have, and to invite someone else within that timeframe constitutes B-listing, and that's where the rude happens.  Just stand your ground with Mom and know that you aren't in the wrong here.

Lark2013

Not only what PP said, but that if people have said they aren't coming, some will come anyway.  They may have a change of plans and forget to let you know.