paying for honeymoon

xstarx05x

I think I already know the answer but just asking for opinions. I  hear that traditionally, the groom's parents pay for the honeymoon? Whether this is true or not we know this isn't an option for us. I know most  couples these days pay for their own honeymoon, but this is difficult for us as FI is Australian and we've had to spend a lot of money on flights & visas. We really want to have the honeymoon straight after the wedding (well, the next day) and we're hoping to go to the Carribean since the wedding is in winter and we want to spend time in the warmth.

We're already fortunate enough that my parents are fully paying for the wedding, they understand how much money we've had to spend to simply be together. We've stayed well under the budget they've given us, so would it be unreasonable to ask if we can use any leftover money towards the honeymoon?

Note (added 9/12): FI is a US resident so don't worry about whether he can leave the country.

andy71781

Are they paying for things or giving you a lump sum of money?  I think that asking somebody to pay for your honeymoon is in poor taste - asking somebody to pay for anything is.  That being said, my parents gave me a lump sum and I know that it was "no strings attached" money.  If that's the case I think its fine as long as you are not asking for more money.

ps the tradtional rules of "who pays" are kinda dead at this point.

banana468

IMO yes.

It's great that your parents are paying for your wedding but those savings should be passed on to your parents - not to you.

If they opt to give you the cash that's great, but if they're already paying for the event, I don't think it's right to ask them for more.  If necessary just postpone the honeymoon.  You wouldn't be the first couple that did.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ddce3c2-7ee4-405d-b1ac-1a3944a78735Post:a386406d-51bc-40ce-b57f-6bb431b495c2">paying for honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I already know the answer but just asking for opinions. I  hear that traditionally, the groom's parents pay for the honeymoon? Whether this is true or not we know this isn't an option for us. I know most  couples these days pay for their own honeymoon, but this is difficult for us as FI is Australian and we've had to spend a lot of money on flights & visas. We really want to have the honeymoon straight after the wedding (well, the next day) and we're hoping to go to the Carribean since the wedding is in winter and we want to spend time in the warmth. We're already fortunate enough that my parents are fully paying for the wedding, they understand how much money we've had to spend to simply be together. We've stayed well under the budget they've given us, so would it be unreasonable to ask if we can use any leftover money towards the honeymoon?
Posted by xstarx05x[/QUOTE]
Just something to think about - If your FI is coming here on a K visa, he can only enter the US on that visa one time.  I'm pretty sure that you will not be able to honeymoon outside of the country until his adjustment of status to a permanant resident is complete, unless you apply for advance parole.  Check with your immigration attorney to be sure. 

aMrsin09

If he's in a B1/B2 visa he should have multiple entries.  Right now H has a B1/B2.  We need to get that think renewed...crap.

tidetravel

aMrs - B1/B2 is a non-immigrant visa for business/pleasure travel.  If he's coming here for the purpose of getting married, he needs a K1 visa, which only entitles him to enter the US one time, and he must get married here within 90 days.  If he has a B1/B2 visa, comes here to visit and gets married while he's here, he could be in big trouble.

aMrsin09

Right.  OP never really said if she met him while he was already here or not.

But now that you say that...I wonder if H's visa status is going to have to change.  We don;t live in the US so he'll still just be going in for pleasure...hmmm

Sorry for the hijack OP. 

tidetravel

Since she said that she's spent a lot of money on flights/visas, I assumed that they met outside of the US.  OP - if he's here already, you can probably ignore everything that I said.

aMrs - as long as he's not intenting to live here, I don't believe he would have to change his visa. 

baystateapple

I wouldn't ask for the money.  If they gave you a lump sum, I would run it by them to make sure they don't mind you using it for the honeymoon.  But if they're just paying the bills as they come in, I wouldn't ask for any additional cash.

abbalish

I can't speak to the visa issue, but ditto what andy and baystate said.

JanoBean75

In my case, my parents are matching what they gave to my sister and BIL. They flat out said whatever is left over is ours. We'd set our budget for under what they gave, so we'll have some savings in the bank. The way they see it is, I could have used their gift toward the wedding by increasing the full budget. But FI and I wanted a smaller, less fussy wedding. We have some connections, so things like DJ, videography, photography, and even the alcohol are either free or much cheaper than they normally would be.

If your parents promised you a certain amount, I think it's okay to ask them if you could still have whatever's left if you stay under budget.

lyndausvi

I guess it depends on how they view the gift.  My parents paid for my wedding reception.  The money was not the gift the reception was.  So even if I didn't use up the budget the extra money was not mine to have.

 Does that make sense? for example if they said they give us a xmas gift of a TV and had a budget of  $1k and they got it on sale for $800, we were not going to get the extra $200. it's the same way they viewed the reception.

So if your parents gave you money to use as you will, then I do not think it's necessarily wrong.  The money was the gift.

 If they view the reception as the gift not the money, then I think it's wrong to ask for the balance of the budget. Just because they have the money to spend that much does not mean they would not be happy to get to pay less.

noelle24

Tide is right about the immigration issues.  FI and I can't honeymoon outside of the U.S. for that reason either. 

I'm pretty sure you'd need to file for advance parole to be able to honeymoon outside of the country and getting that paperwork filed takes some time.  If you want to go the day after the wedding, I don't see the Caribbean as a possible destination for you.  In any case, advance parole is usually reserved for emergency travel (family illness, etc.).  Please check with your attorney before you book anything!

As for how you pay for the honeymoon, I think the other ladies have given great advice.

redheadfsu

Yeah, ditto pps. You really need to talk to your attorney and about the money it all depends on how they gave it to you.

ehathewa

They gave you money for the wedding, not the honeymoon.  You need to talk to them. 

I think if my mother gave me $10k for my wedding and I used any of it on myself (ie honeymoon), she would call me selfish. 

sarah0725

I think this is one of those things where we can't tell you what to do. You know your parents, and you know your relationship with them. Etiquette would say that you shouldn't ask for money for anything unless it is offered first, but I feel like this situation is kind of a gray area that is personal to your relationship with your parents.

If you're looking for a cheaper honeymoon, you should start haunting websites like Travelzoo. I get their Top 20 deals email every week, and I see ridiculously cheap tropical getaway deals there all the time. If you don't care where exactly you go, you should be able to get a warm vacation pretty cheaply.

Would traveling in US-owned territories count as staying within the United States?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I actually thought it was traditionally the GROOM who paid for the honeymoon and not his family? Whatever, it doesn't matter. 

If your parents ask about your honeymoon, I think it's fine to say you can't afford one and you're sad about it, then see what they do with that information. Or talk about the budget and what you're actually spending and see if they offer you that money for something else. I don't think I'd ask outright. It's already very generous of them to pay for your wedding.

TheCranberry

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ddce3c2-7ee4-405d-b1ac-1a3944a78735Post:56e9dfc1-5b10-4139-b1cb-ddbc028a2e96">Re: paying for honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE] Would traveling in US-owned territories count as staying within the United States?
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

I was wondering that as well.  Puerto Rico, the US Virgin Islands, etc are nice places to go if the visa issue requires it.  Hawaii is also an option; it's pretty much always nice there.

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ddce3c2-7ee4-405d-b1ac-1a3944a78735Post:ea0a6640-de54-4242-9be9-299f6aac2dfb">Re: paying for honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: paying for honeymoon : I was wondering that as well.  Puerto Rico, the US Virgin Islands, etc are nice places to go if the visa issue requires it.  Hawaii is also an option; it's pretty much always nice there.
Posted by TheCranberry[/QUOTE]

<div>We are going to Hawaii since FI is a permanent resident, with no passport from his country of origin. </div>

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ddce3c2-7ee4-405d-b1ac-1a3944a78735Post:9dc34874-eac9-4a6c-b6dd-addb736e9d82">Re: paying for honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]I actually thought it was traditionally the GROOM who paid for the honeymoon and not his family?
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Yes, that was the old 1920s Emily Post rule.  I was browsing that book a while back and apparently it would have been horribly gauche for the bride or her family to contribute anything to the honeymoon other than the trousseau.

kay_marie00

After my sister got married a couple years ago and I started dating FI, my dad put the same amount of money he spent on my sister's wedding into a CD and told me that was what he'd give me for my wedding. He also has told me on multiple occassions (now that we've been spending some of it for the wedding) that anything left over is ours to keep and do whatever we want with it.

My mom on the other hand (my parents are divorced) told me she would pay for my attire, flowers and decorations. I know the ball-park figure of what she spent on my sister and I know that she wants to stay around that, but she is paying for things as we go, so if I spend under the amount, I won't see the difference between her budget and the actual cost of things. And that's perfectly fine with me because I don't expect it.

I would first find out what you need to do with the VIsa stuff, then worry about a HM. There's no point worrying about the HM if you don't even know he can leave the country on the Visa. And as PP stated, postponing the HM is something many people do if they don't have the money to pay for it.

Good luck!!

xstarx05x

Thanks for the honeymoon advice. 

I didn't ask any visa advice though, that's under control. He's a permanent US resident.