How to uninvite a guest?

amwong22

Hi All,
Hoping you can help me out with a bit of a predicament that I'm in. I hang out with a group of women from the gym and have invited them all to our wedding in Hawaii. Since starting to plan the wedding, one of the girls has become very annoying to most of the group. I sent her the save the date way back when, but have not sent out official invites. My fiance does not like her and her husband, most of us are annoyed with her but are all to afraid and nice to kick her out of the group. I really don't want her at the wedding, but don't know how to uninvite her politely. Any thoughts or tips or should I just suck it up and have her come since I've sent her the save the date?

brilibby4

If you choose to uninvite her, be prepared to end the friendship completely.  It is rude to send someone an STD but not an invitation but if you don't mind ending her friendship then I guess there really isn't any harm in it. 

ahhhitsshannyn

A save the date is an invitation. Invite her. Maybe if you guys keep annoying each other she won't even make the trip to Hawaii.

Maggie0829

You can't uninvite someone.  An STD=invite so you have to send her a formal invitation.  Period.

ETA:  This is why I am of the mindset that STDs should only be sent to OOT guests and VIPs.  Sending them to your whole guest list could present major issues later on like, budget was cut in half, needed to change venue and it can only hold half as many, etc.  If you didn't send a STD to everyone then you can easily edit your guest list but once a STD is sent you are stuck.

Stackeye210

You said that you guys are too afraid and nice to kick her out of the gym group.  So not sending her an invite is essentially the passive-aggressive version of kicking her out of the group.  Don't be passive-aggressive.  If you want to end the friendship, end it and deal with the consequences.  Otherwise, proper etiquette is to invite her. 

Summer2011Bride

Still invite her. Making the trip to Hawaii is pretty costly and time-consuming, so there is a chance she won't even come (not saying she absolutely won't, but you have a higher chance since it's in Hawaii rather than local). So in that regard, you keep the peace and she isn't at your wedding--win, win.

Even if she does end up coming, you don't have to be around her 100% of the time at your wedding. Unless you are willing and ready to completely end your friendship with her, you do need to extend the invitation.

Carson386

You don't uninvite someone. Once you have sent out the STD, it's really rude to not send an invitation. Not sending an invite after you sent her the STD will probably end your friendship with this person. You don't want to be that person that is rude and uninvites guests.

staceys9502

I had to deal with a similar situation in which my peripheral friend got a STD and then made several more than bad decisions, directly affecting our relationship.  Yes it is rude to uninvite, and not proper etiquitte but it happens.  And yes, in hindsight I wish I had limited by STDs but I was just really excited about them.

You will have to address it in person.  It will not be pretty.  Being as how she is the only one from the gym group that wont be there, the friendship will end, but it doesnt sound like you'll be too heartbroken.  If you arent up for a face to face, or at least a phone call about it, you might have to bite the bullet and invite her.  Good luck!

loca4pook

Just curious..Is she hinting that she is planning on making the Hawaii trip?

PhoneCardLady

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-uninvite-a-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e10dd56-3d42-479c-95f1-c017c80898fePost:3a3eeaef-4f22-453a-bd0f-dbb106561f59">How to uninvite a guest?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All, Hoping you can help me out with a bit of a predicament that I'm in. I hang out with a group of women from the gym and have invited them all to our wedding in Hawaii. Since starting to plan the wedding, one of the girls has become very annoying to most of the group. I sent her the save the date way back when, but have not sent out official invites. My fiance does not like her and her husband, most of us are annoyed with her but are all to afraid and nice to kick her out of the group. I really don't want her at the wedding, but don't know how to uninvite her politely. Any thoughts or tips or should I just suck it up and have her come since I've sent her the save the date?
Posted by amwong22[/QUOTE]

This is one of the reasons why I do not want STD's, and on top of that they are just a way to get more money out of you.

lauralaur

OP I will say this, if the date in your profile is correct and you are going to rescind the invite and end the friendship you may want to consider doing it sooner rather than later so she does not make travel plans.

amwong22

Thanks for all the advice everyone. What the majority of you have said is what I have known in my head and that is why it is all the more difficult. In hindsight, if I could do it over again, I wouldn't have sent out save the dates, even though they were just attached to my knot website. But I also did not know that this person would become an annoyance to our group, and we would be in the situation we are in now. 

The person that is in question is most likely going to come to Hawaii, but I haven't talked to her about it much as we have distanced ourselves from her. It is true that on my actual wedding day I will not end up spending much time with her. At this point, I do not really want to continue my relationship with her, but I am the type of person who does not like to hurt people's feelings, so I will invite her to my wedding while distancing myself from her and see what happens from there. 

Peledreamsofrain

I'm glad you decided to invite her.  You won't even really notice her during your wedding, and this way you can start your new life with a clean concience, not with an act of spite.

Worst case scenario, if she's super annoying and loud, assign her a 'handler' to control her during the wedding (if that is through dosing her with drinks until she goes to sleep, so be it).