STUCK - HELP!!

vinscena

A friend of mine is having a destination Wedding. Although I am not a bridesmaid, I was invited to attend the Bachelorette Party (this is also a destination). I received the invite that stated the accommodations would be covered with no mention of any other financial responsibility, except for the obvious flight to the destination + food & drink etc. (which ended up to be over $500). I RSVP-ed and booked my flight. It is now a week and a half before the party and I received an email from the MOH. She is now asking that we throw the bride a Lingerie shower at the destination as well as chip in $110 for an outfit for the bride and to charter a boat for a day trip. At the time I committed to attending the trip I did not anticipate the added financial strain, as I am also getting married and saving for that. What is the best way to handle this ??

I feel stuck! - HELP

pinkpinot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-stuck-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e9d0449-195c-4f56-a301-97fa05c9a53cPost:51415773-7996-4a4c-8a6c-b9e029c513b6">Bachelorette Party - STUCK - HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]A friend of mine is having a destination Wedding in October. Although I am not a bridesmaid, I was invited to attend the Bachelorette Party (this is also a destination). I received the invite that stated the accommodations would be covered with no mention of any other financial responsibility, except for the obvious flight to the destination + food & drink etc. (which ended up to be over $500). I RSVP-ed and booked my flight. It is now a week and a half before the party and I received an email from the MOH. She is now asking that we throw the bride a Lingerie shower at the destination <strong>as well as chip in $110 for an outfit for the bride and to charter a boat for a day trip.</strong> At the time I committed to attending the trip I did not anticipate the added financial strain, as I am also getting married and saving for that. What is the best way to handle this ?? I feel stuck! - HELP
Posted by vinscena[/QUOTE]

Seriously?  Wow.  You already purchased your plane tickets so if I were you I'd check to see how much it would cost to change the flight and if it's reasonable I would skip the bachorlette party and use your plane tickets for something else (maybe your honeymoon or the DW).  If changing your flight ends up costing more than chipping in extra money for the bridal shower and a stinkin OUTFIT for the bride I would go to the b-party prepared with snarky remarks & tons of eye rolls.   

zippityb

I would say that, due to my last name not being Rockefeller, I couldn't contribute any more than I already have.

kikibaby

That's ridiculous.  I'd say no to the MOH.  You shouldn't have to buy the bride clothes, and you've already shelled out a lot of money.

Just email the MOH back and be honest with her that the extra money is not in your budget at this time.

danieliza1127

I would just write her back and say just that.  "Hi so-and-so!  That sounds like a great idea, but when I booked my flights and figured out expenses, I really wasn't budgeting for that much extra and I don't think I'll be able to afford that.  I could participate in the lingerie shower, but i wont' be able to do the $110.  I'm sorry, I hope you understand!"

My example is assuming you can afford to buy her some lingerie.  Another option is to say you can't do the $110 but you could do $50 (or whatever you can afford).  It's pretty crazy of them to expect you to spend that much money on a bachelorette party.

georgia_bride09

Dammit, I tried to respond to the other one.

Reply that you'll see her at the b-party, since you've booked a flight, but that you are unable to chip in for any of those {ridiculous} last minute requests.

I imagine you're not the only person who has received this e-mail that is upset.

MattsPenguin

I truly do not understand the outfit part.  How many of you are chipping in $110?  Is she wearing something encrusted in gold?  (Yes, I realize that the boat's part of it, too, but still!)

I would tell the maid of honor that you won't be able to contribute any more money.  Therefore, you won't be able to go on the boat(?). 

What are the other planned activities? 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

"HI MOH. Sorry, I wasn't aticipating these financial commitments. While I'm attending the bachelorette weekend, I'll just have to bow out of the boat trip and the lingerie shower. But I'm really looking foward to dinner/drinks/pool time."

You might not be the only one and she might reconsider all of this or cough up the money herself. Here's hoping.

aecappelli

I'm sorry, but am I the only one that thinks that all this destination stuff is a little ridiculous?  It's one thing to have a destination wedding (not a big fan of those, sorry but it's a lot to ask of your guests), but I have to pay a small fortune for a bachelorette party too?  OP, the fact that you're even attending is very sweet especially while trying to save for your own wedding.  They will have to understand that.

klreese0213

i agree w/ Danieliza, be honest saying you can't afford the full $110 and offer a smaller amount. You can find cheap nighty if you wish to attend that party too.

vinscena

Thanks everyone! I feel like the "party pooper"! My concern is that by declining to shell out the cash, it may segregate me from the rest of the group, which will really make my trip uncomfortable. There are other activities planned but the boat day trip is one whole day of the total three day trip. I checked with the airlines and it costs $100 to cancel/change my flight I have no problem getting the bride lingerie for the shower, as I was planning on brining her a gift anyways. I think I'm just going to send the MOH an e-mail explaining my concern. I hope she understands and doesn't raise a hoot about the whole thing. Ahh this sucks!

*crossing my fingers*

kristinanddan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-stuck-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e9d0449-195c-4f56-a301-97fa05c9a53cPost:293cb3f9-2ab5-4254-ab24-0fabca291ebe">Re: Bachelorette Party - STUCK - HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I truly do not understand the outfit part.  How many of you are chipping in $110?  Is she wearing something encrusted in gold?  (Yes, I realize that the boat's part of it, too, but still!) I would tell the maid of honor that you won't be able to contribute any more money.  Therefore, you won't be able to go on the boat(?).  What are the other planned activities? 
Posted by MattsPenguin[/QUOTE]

If I understood the OP correctly, the $110 is for the bride's outfit AND a charter boat.

vinscena

Yes, the $110 is for the chartered boat and a "bride" bikini, sash and shirt for going out.

georgia_bride09

What if the bride doesn't want to wear that? That is ridiculous.

angie74

I would have moral objections to contributing to buying a "bride bikini"

that MOH is on something. there's no reason to ask people for that much money. I agree with other's responses

danieliza1127

I bet you aren't the only one that is going to have a problem with that extra money.  The MOH is crazy for trying to add that much on at the last minute.  You shouldn't feel bad.

Sing2phins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-stuck-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e9d0449-195c-4f56-a301-97fa05c9a53cPost:69553621-bf62-426a-b6f2-041e5923e34b">Re: Bachelorette Party - STUCK - HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I would have moral objections to contributing to buying a "bride bikini" that MOH is on something. there's no reason to ask people for that much money. I agree with other's responses
Posted by angie74[/QUOTE]
And, as a bride, I would be MORTIFIED to find out that my MOH had asked people to contribute to something like this, and at such a last minute.

nhelene

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-stuck-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e9d0449-195c-4f56-a301-97fa05c9a53cPost:25cdedf5-a428-4c27-b0c1-a6a9ee7ca637">Re: Bachelorette Party - STUCK - HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Just email the MOH back and be honest with her that the extra money is not in your budget at this time.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

I might even 'reply all' in this situation. 

526SadieSadie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-stuck-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e9d0449-195c-4f56-a301-97fa05c9a53cPost:09a0cd20-79fd-421f-b5b2-ef174f803a5c">Re: Bachelorette Party - STUCK - HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but am I the only one that thinks that all this destination stuff is a little ridiculous?  It's one thing to have a destination wedding (not a big fan of those, sorry but it's a lot to ask of your guests), but I have to pay a small fortune for a bachelorette party too?  OP, the fact that you're even attending is very sweet especially while trying to save for your own wedding.  They will have to understand that.
Posted by aecappelli[/QUOTE]

I don't think destination weddings/parties are ridiculous, but the asking for additional money that close to the event, is.

vinscena

Sent e-mail to MOH regarding my concerns and she was very understanding about my situation. I'm glad I spoke up. Pheeww! Thanks again to everyone for the help

*Happy Ending*

I Want Cake

Seriously, a bride bikini with a sash?  Is she a Miss America contestant?  The boat trip actually sounds like it could be fun, and if it's for a whole day, couldn't you just take what you'd budgeted to spend for that day and put it toward the boat trip?