What gift do we give for a cocktail party (post-elopement)?

olivia79

My friend eloped with her now-husband a few months ago, and we just received an invitation for their cocktail reception celebration.  It's during the late afternoon (3 hours long), and basically cocktails and hors d'oeuvres.  I don't know how much $$ we should give them.  They gave us a $300 GC for our wedding, but we had a large, formal (expensive) wedding.  Should we give the same amount?  I don't want to seem tacky but the cocktail reception is going to cost less than 1/10th of our wedding so it seems hardly fair to give the same amount (plus it's a much shorter event).  I need help!  Thanks!

Mrs.B6302007

GIve what you can afford.

Mrs.B6302007

THe type of reception or how much money you assume they spent on it has nothing to do with generosity.

L-Bride

One meeeeellion dollars.

pumpkinpumpkin

give the gift of only pressing post once. We'll ALL love that.

Stackeye210

What B said......give what you can afford, don't base your amount off of the cost of YOUR wedding, THEIR wedding, YOUR plate, THEIR plate, how much they gave you.

Simply give what you feel is appropriate for your own personal budget. 

squirrly

It's a gift.  Not a fee to cover your plate.  Give them what you'd like them to have.  What you can afford.  What you think is appropriate for WHO they are and their relationship with you and your H. 

You have no clue how much their wedding costs, and that has absoltely no bearing on what makes an appropriate gift.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-give-cocktail-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ed53ff1-08e4-42bf-906f-2158408034a3Post:46c45d86-96e7-4fde-9226-faa17e37c85d">Re: What gift do we give for a cocktail reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]give the gift of only pressing post once. We'll ALL love that.
Posted by pumpkinpumpkin[/QUOTE]

Where's the "like" button?

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-give-cocktail-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ed53ff1-08e4-42bf-906f-2158408034a3Post:8f5989ca-d316-46bf-929d-124e7003350f">Re: What gift do we give for a cocktail reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a gift.  Not a fee to cover your plate.  Give them what you'd like them to have.  What you can afford.  What you think is appropriate for WHO they are and their relationship with you and your H.  You have no clue how much their wedding costs, and that has absoltely no bearing on what makes an appropriate gift.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Ditto all of that.

marisah83

I've never heard of basing a gift price off of the type of reception.  So if someone can't afford a big reception or doesn't want a big reception, they don't deserve as good of a gift?  That's not cool.

Spend what you can afford and what you feel is appropriate.  Don't try to compare their reception and gift to your own.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-give-cocktail-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ed53ff1-08e4-42bf-906f-2158408034a3Post:8f5989ca-d316-46bf-929d-124e7003350f">Re: What gift do we give for a cocktail reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a gift.  Not a fee to cover your plate.  Give them what you'd like them to have.  What you can afford.  What you think is appropriate for WHO they are and their relationship with you and your H.  You have no clue how much their wedding costs, and that has absoltely no bearing on what makes an appropriate gift.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I second or third.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-give-cocktail-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ed53ff1-08e4-42bf-906f-2158408034a3Post:f23a6a24-f72f-4b21-b423-18fa3b77ef02">Re: What gift do we give for a cocktail reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never heard of basing a gift price off of the type of reception.  So if someone can't afford a big reception or doesn't want a big reception, they don't deserve as good of a gift?  That's not cool. Spend what you can afford and what you feel is appropriate.  Don't try to compare their reception and gift to your own.
Posted by marisah83[/QUOTE]

Yeah, the cover my plate concept is stupid IMO.

vtbm

Ditto prior posts. Give a gift based on what you can afford and what you normally give for a wedding gift. My concern wouldn't be that their wedding is less expensive or formal than yours. However, I'd be complaining that they eloped and are now having a reception. I hate that.

wadingmoose

You give gifts based on your relationship to the person and what you can afford.

Cost of wedding is completely irrelevant.

Mrs.B6302007

[QUOTE]They gave us a $300 GC for our wedding, but we had a large, formal (expensive) wedding [/QUOTE]

Formal is not synonymous with expensive anymore than cocktail is synonymous with less expensive.

olivia79

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-give-cocktail-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ed53ff1-08e4-42bf-906f-2158408034a3Post:3bae86e8-0456-4dd7-b070-c0d4fb26717f">Re: What gift do we give for a cocktail reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Formal is not synonymous with expensive anymore than cocktail is synonymous with less expensive.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

Actually it is in New York City and when you are comparing an entire wedding ceremony plus 5 hour reception with a 3 hour cocktail party in the middle of the day.

sabatron

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-give-cocktail-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ed53ff1-08e4-42bf-906f-2158408034a3Post:f23a6a24-f72f-4b21-b423-18fa3b77ef02">Re: What gift do we give for a cocktail reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never heard of basing a gift price off of the type of reception.  So if someone can't afford a big reception or doesn't want a big reception, they don't deserve as good of a gift?  That's not cool. Spend what you can afford and what you feel is appropriate.  Don't try to compare their reception and gift to your own.
Posted by marisah83[/QUOTE]

Meh, it's all very circumstantial to me.  If I'm very close to the person (best friend, sister), the details of the reception and its pricing are irrelevant.  If it's a casual friend, the details of the reception start to matter.  Sorry, a casual friend throwing a couple burgers on the grill isn't going to get the same amount as a casual friend hosting her wedding at a lavish hotel.

aragx6

I wouldn't even want to go to a six-hour reception.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-give-cocktail-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ed53ff1-08e4-42bf-906f-2158408034a3Post:0f975a92-4123-4a56-8ae9-0813081b01a3">Re: What gift do we give for a cocktail reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What gift do we give for a cocktail reception? : Meh, it's all very circumstantial to me.  If I'm very close to the person (best friend, sister), the details of the reception and its pricing are irrelevant.  If it's a casual friend, the details of the reception start to matter.  <strong>Sorry, a casual friend throwing a couple burgers on the grill isn't going to get the same amount as a casual friend hosting her wedding at a lavish hotel.
</strong>Posted by sabatron[/QUOTE]

Why? Is it because you think a casual friend who throws a small affair is less deserving of nice things? Or because you think you'll be judged more harshly for giving an inexpensive gift at a lavish affair?

Both answers are pretty stupid.

mica178

As she's already married and this is essentially an at home reception, I'm not even sure if a gift is required, although of course it's always nice to bring something.  I wouldn't base the gift on the per plate cost, though. 

Give whatever you're comfortable giving.  From your original post and follow up messages, it seems like you already have an amount in mind.  You really shouldn't come here looking for validation.

ohwhynot

This whole concept is so strange to me, especially considering that many couples' parents pay for all or some of the wedding:  if you know the parents are paying, doesn't it make sense to give nothing in order to "cover your plate"? 

Throw that whole notion out the window:  give based on what you think is appropriate for a wedding gift, not what you think matches the fancy factor of the wedding. 

PharmacyBride

I give $100 at least for just me, $150 as a couple for wedding gifts.  If the wedding is extremely expensive.. FI likes to give more.  (We also end up giving more if we know the couple is paying a lot of wedding expensive themselves.. I don't know.. maybe because we respect they stepped up like that..)

I realize they are already married.. but I base whether or not I give a gift to the couple (when not invited to the ceremony/reception) based on how close I am to them.  If I was in your position, I would give my "wedding minimum" - which for me happens to be $100-150.

HTHs

tenofcups4me

I'd give what they gave you, assuming you can comfortably afford that. Although honestly, I would have already given them that gift since I perceive the gift as for their marriage, not for whatever party they have or don't have to celebrate it.

mandysmear

what's with the self righteous new yorkers?

melliott09

I wouldn't base it on what they gave you. Being from Jersey, I understand what your talking about cost wise, but there should be no relation from your party to hers.

Depending on how close your relationship is, give what you feel is appropriate.

sabatron

Honestly, it does come down to what they spent to have the party.  That's not to say I'm going to give the BBQ reception hosts a $10 gift card to Home Depot... but "covering your plate" is a big, albeit strange part of my area's wedding culture.  If you go to an expensive wedding, you give a more expensive gift. The relationship you have to the person will always dictate what that means, too.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-give-cocktail-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ed53ff1-08e4-42bf-906f-2158408034a3Post:5b9d2adf-3d6f-44c0-98bc-49cf8f9302f4">Re: What gift do we give for a cocktail reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What gift do we give for a cocktail reception? : Actually it is in New York City and when you are comparing an entire wedding ceremony plus 5 hour reception with a 3 hour cocktail party in the middle of the day.
Posted by olivia79[/QUOTE]

My point was that cocktail receptions can be pretty pricey as well depending on what types of food and drink are being served.

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-give-cocktail-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ed53ff1-08e4-42bf-906f-2158408034a3Post:5b9d2adf-3d6f-44c0-98bc-49cf8f9302f4">Re: What gift do we give for a cocktail reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What gift do we give for a cocktail reception? : Actually it is in New York City and when you are comparing an entire wedding ceremony plus 5 hour reception with a 3 hour cocktail party in the middle of the day.
Posted by olivia79[/QUOTE]

it's in NEW YORK CITY??? omg, I thought that place only existed in the mind of Walt Disney!!! this changes EVERYTHING!! I'm so impressed by you!

callalilly323

Olivia, I'm from your neck of the woods, and around here it's typical to "pay for your plate." However, I just went through the SAME THING as you (friend got eloped and threw cocktail party). I bit my lip and I wrote a check for $200, which is exactly what I would have given any acquaintance. In the end, I'm happy I did.