who buys the pastor's suit?

kalizoomba

I've seen lots of wedding photos where the pastor is wearing the same suit as the groom/groomsmen.

My groom is wearing something different than his groomsman. 

I don't really care if the pastor matches, but if I do - who pays for his suit?

the groomsmen are going to wear brown and orange, and I know the pastor has a suit that will match nicely. the pastor's not going to be in many of the group pictures with them so I don't think anyone will notice if its not the same exact suit.

I just don't want him assuming that I'll be buying him a new suit. How do I tell him to wear something he already has?

and what do I get him as a thank you for performing the wedding? He's doing it for free. would buying him cufflinks be too weird? 

Ciaram22

The Pastor will wear his own suit and he would be the one purchasing it.

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buys-pastors-suit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fa86c0d-87ab-4eb3-acda-9d20abf3910ePost:55e5ea66-5c4a-452a-ae1a-57a85468163c">who buys the pastor's suit?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've seen lots of wedding photos where the pastor is wearing the same suit as the groom/groomsmen. My groom is wearing something different than his groomsman.  I don't really care if the pastor matches, but if I do - who pays for his suit? the groomsmen are going to wear brown and orange, and I know the pastor has a suit that will match nicely. the pastor's not going to be in many of the group pictures with them so I don't think anyone will notice if its not the same exact suit. I just don't want him assuming that I'll be buying him a new suit. How do I tell him to wear something he already has? and what do I get him as a thank you for performing the wedding? He's doing it for free. would buying him cufflinks be too weird? 
Posted by kalizoomba[/QUOTE]

Really? You've seen this? I haven't. Ever.


I would never have even thought to offer that to our officiant, who was our long-time pastor and friend. He wore a tux that he owns, and I was fine with that.

kalizoomba

okay, well how do I tell him that I'd like him to wear a certian color tie?  Should I just buy him a tie and say, "please wear this with your brown suit?"

 

I just don't know what the rules are about this

apple_green

I have never ever heard of the pastor matching the groomsmen. I'm going to bet that you just think they match because they're all wearing black suits.

He'll wear his own suit, and I really can't imagine him assuming that you'll buy him a new one.

For a gift, you can get him a gift card. If he is the pastor of a church I'm sure a donation to that church would be appreciated.

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buys-pastors-suit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fa86c0d-87ab-4eb3-acda-9d20abf3910ePost:9b98049c-eb35-44b4-b0da-5fa39a2bf59d">Re: who buys the pastor's suit?</a>:
[QUOTE]okay, well how do I tell him that I'd like him to wear a certian color tie?  Should I just buy him a tie and say, "please wear this with your brown suit?"   I just don't know what the rules are about this
Posted by kalizoomba[/QUOTE]

How about you skip having him match altogether? I'm sorry, but I just think that's weird. He's not a GM. He'll probably just wear a black tie.

MyNameIsNot

The pastor wears his own clothes.  

I guess if you want him to wear something specific, you need to buy it.  But that's ridiculous.  He's the pastor, not a member of the wedding party.  He doesn't coordinate or match the wedding.  

kalizoomba

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buys-pastors-suit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fa86c0d-87ab-4eb3-acda-9d20abf3910ePost:134cef8c-de91-4506-be59-1ceccf887bc1">Re: who buys the pastor's suit?</a>:
[QUOTE]en. I'm going to bet that you just think they match because they're all wearing black suits. 
Posted by apple_green[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I just saw a photo somewhere of the pastor wearing the same hot pink tie as the groomsmen, and the little pink square sticking out of his pocket, and a pink flower buttoniere. First, I thought he was just a groomsman, but then after looking through more of the album, I realized he was performing the ceremony... he was the pastor.  </div><div>
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apple_green

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buys-pastors-suit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fa86c0d-87ab-4eb3-acda-9d20abf3910ePost:9b98049c-eb35-44b4-b0da-5fa39a2bf59d">Re: who buys the pastor's suit?</a>:
[QUOTE]okay, well how do I tell him that I'd like him to wear a certian color tie?  Should I just buy him a tie and say, "please wear this with your brown suit?"   I just don't know what the rules are about this
Posted by kalizoomba[/QUOTE]

I suppose you can tell him your color scheme and ask him to wear something that coordinates. No one will notice what he wears though, promise!

kalizoomba

okay. Thanks guys. I do agree that he shouldn't have to match, but I don't want him to clash either.

kalizoomba

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buys-pastors-suit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fa86c0d-87ab-4eb3-acda-9d20abf3910ePost:520dec37-8b93-41ea-9bb4-3b664605aef9">Re: who buys the pastor's suit?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: who buys the pastor's suit? : Just out of curiosity, what do you think he could wear that would clash with your wedding?
Posted by mrs.jesse[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>well, he could wear a bright blue tie  - or some other color that's not in our color scheme. </div><div>
</div><div>He wore an outfit today at church that would totally clash. It was black pants, a black jacket, but a bright yellow shirt with a black and white stripped tie. </div><div>
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Beachy730

I have never heard or seen of the pastor or anyong officiating the ceremony to match the GMs.  That would be like asking your singers to wear a BM dress.  Like a PP said, if he matched, he was probably a friend of the WP or something.  Personally, i think it would be weird to ask him to wear something specific, and it too much detail.  As a PP said, nobody will notice if he matches or doesn't.  Let him wear what he wants, and he pays for it.  As a pastor though, I'm sure he already has his suit or whatever he will wear.

squirrly

Our wedding colors were pink and yellow.  Our officiant was a friend, and he wore his own suit, with a red tie.  Technically, that clashes.  It was fine. 

Your pastor should wear whatever he normally wears for weddings, and you shouldn't ask him to match or coordinate in any way.  To me, that's sort of like asking the church if you can repaint the walls so that they match your wedding colors. 

brookelynpaisley

You can actually tell the difference between suits? If you're insisting that he wear a certain suit and not his own (that he presumably already has), you pay.

I don't think you get to tell the guy what to wear. He's not in your bridal party. If he asks, that's one thing, but unless he brings it up, you don't get to dress him too. Our pastor was a friend who was ordained just to marry us. He wanted us to basically dress him. He asked what color suit and asked if there was a certain tie. Since he didn't have any ties, we bought him a coordinating one (not his gift). But if he hadn't asked and wanted to "fit in," there's no way I would have dictated what he wore.

aMrsin09

Hmm, I just had to go look at our pictures to see what our officiant wore.

Dark suit, light shirt, neutral tie.  I can't even tell what color it was.

Have you been to any other weddings he has performed?  Has he dressed "loudly" for those?  I'm sure your pastor will dress accordingly for the occasion. 

mysticl

We are being married by a Navy Chaplain and he asked if I prefered him to wear his uniform or his minister's robes.  I told him to pick. 

Any minister I've seen in an actual church wore their robes for the ceremony.  And the one JOP wedding I went to the officiant wore judges robes.  I've been to 2 weddings were they hired a wedding officiant (none of them belonged to a house of worship) and in those cases they wore a suit but I couldn't tell you for sure what it looked like.

I have to agree that the officiants who matched the wedding party were probably close friends who may have gotten ordained just for that purpose. 

PsyDet 2155

I really don't think the pastor needs to match with the wedding party.  Let him wear whatever suit he wants.  The only pictures he will be in are some from the ceremony and no one is going to notice if he matches with everyone else.

kalizoomba

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buys-pastors-suit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fa86c0d-87ab-4eb3-acda-9d20abf3910ePost:46673e5b-81b1-4c67-b96a-f5dc022dab71">Re: who buys the pastor's suit?</a>:
[QUOTE]You can actually tell the difference between suits? If you're insisting that he wear a certain suit and not his own (that he presumably already has), you pay. 
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

<div>no no!! I can't actually tell the difference between suits. Thats why I think it is insane when brides say that everyone has to buy the same exact thing. I can never tell the difference. I was just asking if he's supposed to wear the same thing or if he can wear his own. I didn't want to assume he'd wear his own if tradition says that he has to buy one to match the rest of the wedding party. </div><div>
</div><div>I was never planning on getting married until I met my current fiance, so I never paid attention at weddings. I did go to a few, but I never took notice of anything. When I met Alex, I knew he was the one, but there haven't been any of my friend's or families weddings since then. So I'm bad with knowing ettquite and tradition.</div>

sarah0725

Our officiant is probably going to match the other dudes in the wedding a bit, but that's because he's FI's brother and we're making him into a minister via the internet. A church pastor definitely should not be asked to match the wedding.

You're going to go crazy if you keep overthinking. Get a standard etiquette book like Emily Post, read it, and then have a glass of wine or something. Etiquette is mostly common sense, and the point is to make sure that everyone feels comfortable in a social situation. If you're thinking something that doesn't fall into this definition, then you're probably overthinking.

kalizoomba

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_buys-pastors-suit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fa86c0d-87ab-4eb3-acda-9d20abf3910ePost:3287300f-7272-42ef-a939-afd881f8eff4">Re: who buys the pastor's suit?</a>:
[QUOTE]1.  You're not getting married FOR OVER A YEAR.  It's really too early to be freaking out over what your officiant will wear ... or anything else. 2.  No, the officiant does not costume to match the wedding colors.  3.  If your wedding is in a church, he will wear his robes / vestments, and all anyone will see is his shoes, and his pants from his ankle to halfway up his leg. 4.  If your wedding is not in the church, he will probably wear robes anyway, because a wedding is a CEREMONY, not an average Sunday church service.  If he wears a suit, he'll wear a dark suit with dark tie.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

well excuse me!! I pretty much have everything else planned and  thought attire would be next on the list... I guess I'll just wait a while.

second, my pastor does not wear robes or anything. he's a southern baptist pastor and usually just wears a suit and tie.

and I've figgured out from the previous posts that he doesn't need to match the wedding party. There is no need to be rude at all. I didn't know, and that's why I asked.