I've been dating FI for almost 7 years. His mother has graciously invited me to their holiday festivities for thanksgiving and Xmas all this time. I was always thankful and it was sweet since she knew both my parents have crazy schedules (mom is a nurse and dad works for a 24/7 company and is on call often) and I would sometimes be alone since close family had moved away.
This year my aunts moved back to to the northeast and are trying to reinstill the holiday traditions we used to have. FI and I were invited to Thanksgiving and Xmas in Jersey with my family and Hartford with his.
I thoughts splitting time with both families would be okay since they are 3hrs apart and there is no traffic on the day of holidays. Well I thought wrong because FMIL flipped her lid! She sat me down on Thanksgiving morning and bluntly told me she expects her sons in HER home on thanksgiving, xmas and easter every year. I was dumbstruck. She proceeded to tell me that she refused to share her sons with my family on those days (she said cousins and such are not important family!). When we told her that is not realistic she ran out crying. At this point FFIL says I can see my family tomorrow (after the holiday!)
Now I am incensed. I kindly tell him that is not an option for me and walk back to my room to mull over this mess. I am in FMIL's home and it I dont want to ruin a holiday. If I call my family up to ask them to pick me up or tell them I am not coming they will know I am upset and this will cause animosity between both families. I am upset and end up crying until FBIL and GF come in and cheer me up. We still managed to make it to my family's dinner in Jersey thanks to FI's brother's help mediating.
The problem now is that I am still upset with FMIL. She knows she was out of line and made a half ass attempt to apologize when I told her I would not be attending xmas at her home this year (for seperate reasons). Now that the holidays are over I want to resolve this dillema so we can avoid it next year. I realize she is afraid of "losing" her son but I am extremely hurt and angry by her comments. How do i broach this subject with her in a respectful way?
UPDATE:
Thanks for the advice ladies! I sat FI down and discussed the whole situation with him. Turns out he had stepped out of the room to to answer the phone when his mom was making her more dramatic comments so therefore didnt realize WHY I was so upset. He got the jist of it, but not the actual words until last night. He apologized for his bungling and his mom's blatent rudeness and tried to explain her specific brand of crazy to me (Some story about and epic family dysfunction etc etc). I guess it makes sense but it's still inexcusable. I will be getting an apology from her when I visit CT.
As for the Holiday situation we agreed on splitting it so one family gets thanksiving and the other gets Xmas. I'm still of the mind that thanksgiving can be split but he hates the idea of driving and wants to veg and eat all day. When we settle down with a house instead of out tiny apartment they can all treck up north, shut up and play nice at the table.
"All I want is for you to be happy And, take this woman and make you my family And, finally you have found someone perfect And, finally you have found Yourself."
-RHCP
