Wedding Etiquette Forum

REGISTERING.......

ok me and my fi have been living together for 2 years so we really have all the home stuff and we really like the whole honeymoon registary thing......would it be wrong to just have one of those and not have them anywhere else?

Re: REGISTERING.......

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registering-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:225abf8d-3d1f-4691-bd76-880204e18929Post:09f6614c-6108-4662-a6fb-b35f90ae4e55">REGISTERING.......</a>:
    [QUOTE]ok me and my fi have been living together for 2 years so we really have all the home stuff and we really like the whole honeymoon registary thing......would it be wrong to just have one of those and not have them anywhere else?
    Posted by tirwin89[/QUOTE]
    <p> </p><p>Don't say I never do anything for you, vultures of E!</p>
  • Here's the lowdown on honeymoon registries:

    - Many of these places charge either YOU or your GUESTS a fee

    - They cut you a blank check, so when your aunt thinks she's buying you a sunset dinner for two, what you're getting instead, is that $150.  That's lying to your aunt.

    - This is basically a disguise for you to ask for cash, which is all kinds of icky. 

    - Even though my H and I were living together for 2 years before we got married, there was a LOT of stuff that we had that was old, second hand, and plain not working.  This is the time for an upgrade or plain replacement.

    - All honeymoon registries give you your cash AFTER the wedding, so make sure you can actually plan an HM you can afford.


    I'll be honest, I think people using the "we've been living together" thing is just an excuse to cover up the fact that you're asking for money.  If you want money, that's fine-- just don't lie about it.

    Many people (including myself) do not feel comfortable giving cash to people.  This comes from growing up poor so my gifts, though from the heart, were not of the same caliber of things other people could gift.

    My suggestion would be to make a small registry of items that you could stand to have an upgrade or replacement on, in various price ranges.  After that, people can/will buy you random gifts OR they are free to gift money.

    Personally, I straight up hate these things. 
  • LoopysevenLoopyseven member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited May 2011
    Very well put Snippy.

    OP - Honeymoon registries are pretty much a blantant cash grab and most people recognize that.  Quite tacky.  Plus if you only have a HM registry you really shouldn't have a shower as showers are for physical gifts only.  I lived with my H for 6 years before we were married and we still managed to put together a decent sized registry with things we needed/wanted/could upgrade.  We registered for luggage, new dishes, new towels, a couple of specialty appliances we didn't have and a few appliances we wanted nicer things for.  We already had a kitchenaid mixer, but we registered for attachments we didn't already have (they make an ice cream maker attachment - I can't wait for it to get warm here).  My point is, there are PLENTY of things you can register for to create a traditional registry.  If you keep it on the smaller side and spread via word of mouth that you are saving for "X" plenty of people will get the hint and give you cash for the wedding, but if someone is throwing you a shower you really need to have a traditional registry or you will get a LOT of serving bowls, vases and picture frames that are not your style.
  • Ditto PP's. They pretty much covered it all.

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  • PP's covered it all. I don't like HM registries, and neither do most people here and probably many of your guests. I would not do it. Create a small registries with upgrades of items you already have. People will see a small registry, know you could probably use cash, and also give you that. No registry means you could end up with some very....interesting things you don't want or need.


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  • Snippy pretty much covered it, but I also wanted to add that these are a raw deal for you two as well. Those companies take up to 8%, sometimes more, of the money as a service fee. People who are comfortable giving you cash will write you a check. Why surrender a portion of your wedding money to a company for no reason, and risk offending your guests to boot?
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  • Most people here don't like honeymoon registries. However, it's fine to NOT register or have a really small traditional registry as well if you really can't think of physical gifts you'd like. People might still buy you physical gifts of their choosing, but that happens with a big registry, honeymoon registry, etc. Just be grateful, write a thank you note, and move on. Sometimes people tend to give cash in the event you don't register, but it also depends if cash-giving is big in your circle.
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  • If you just want money, why go to the trouble of even setting up a honeyfund? If people give you cash then you can use it on whatever you want, honeymoon included. Then you don't look bad and you get what you want-- win/win. 
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  • Just FYI, honeyfund.com only charges the gift giver 3% if they want to use their credit card to give you a gift. For a check it just gives them your address and tells them how to send it directly to you with no fee taken out. The check part still feels a little tacky to me, but I like the credit card option for people who don't have the cash available. That's a normal credit card processing fee too.
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