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Etiquette

missing cards/gifts from the wedding reception

Im the mother of the bride and we're concerned that some of the wedding cards were either misplaced/lost or perhaps stolen from the reception?? The bride and groom opened up gifts and their cards the next day and off the top of their head were missing any acknowledgement from approx 10-15 people. No card or gift. I certainly understand with difficult financial times that a gift of money can be a hardship, but no card or any other acknowledgement seems strange. Any suggestions? We contacted the "day of" wedding planner as well as the reception hall, nothing has been reported. Should the couple question these guests? That seems very awkward to do but the fear again is...were they misplaced/lost or hopefully not stolen?? Help! We need to address this situation tactfully and as soon as possible.

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Re: missing cards/gifts from the wedding reception

  • amys325amys325 member
    500 Comments
    Sometimes people just show up empty handed and plus they have a year to send a gift.

    Don't worry about it.  It's probably not a big deal.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_missing-cardsgifts-from-the-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2263eff6-c379-48e9-af40-7be9e7fa1753Post:9012055f-4a7a-4e13-950f-5625acd73b48">missing cards/gifts from the wedding reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]Im the mother of the bride and we're concerned that some of the wedding cards were either misplaced/lost or perhaps stolen from the reception?? The bride and groom opened up gifts and their cards the next day and off the top of their head were missing any acknowledgement from approx 10-15 people. No card or gift. I certainly understand with difficult financial times that a gift of money can be a hardship, but no card or any other acknowledgement seems strange. Any suggestions? We contacted the "day of" wedding planner as well as the reception hall, nothing has been reported. <strong>Should the couple question these guests?</strong> That seems very awkward to do but the fear again is...were they misplaced/lost or hopefully not stolen?? Help! We need to address this situation tactfully and as soon as possible.
    Posted by sarammares[/QUOTE]

    Um... no.  It is actually possible that some people didn't bring a gift or card.  While cards and gifts are nice to give/receive at weddings they are not a requirement. 
    panther
  • I would say to wait.  They may get things in the mail in the next few weeks. If guests brought a gift or it got lost in the mail or something they'll probably say something like "did you get my card" or "do you like your blender?" in a few months and then you can go from there. We have friends who got married last August and still have a few guests they never received anything from.  They found out one of them has their gift sitting in her closet at home and just hasn't gotten around to assmbling it (i have no idea what it is) and mailing it. 
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    Are any of those 10-15 super close family? That might be the only person you could consider asking.

    Otherwise, from what I've seen here it's not all that uncommon for some people to not give a gift or a card -- and perhaps some gifts will be shipped to your daughter shortly.

    Lizzie
  • Honestly, unless they remember recieving a card or gift from someone that isn't there, I don't think there's much you can do about it. They probably arent missing, the guests just didn't bring anything. Guests are not obligated to bring gifts or cards. Of the 60 people that attended my wedding, we received 7 material gifts, and about 15 cards. If you've contacted the people that were in charge the day of, and nothing has been found, I don't think there's a way to know for sure, besides calling each individual guest and asking if they brought anything, which would be beyond rude.
  • Same thing happened to us. We received many cards within a couple weeks of the wedding. Many friends had forgotten to bring them to the wedding itself. After that initial onslaught, we still haven't received anything from a few people.

    Definitely don't question the guests. Either cards will come, or they won't.
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  • I would say they probably showed up empty-handed, and if that is the case just send them a thank you for coming card. I would feel it inappropriate to ask them if they gave a card or not. 
  • amys325amys325 member
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_missing-cardsgifts-from-the-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2263eff6-c379-48e9-af40-7be9e7fa1753Post:6a1a12f7-03e0-4404-b732-f3614686081b">Re: missing cards/gifts from the wedding reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would say they probably showed up empty-handed, and if that is the case just send them a thank you for coming card. I would feel it inappropriate to ask them if they gave a card or not. 
    Posted by megsch88[/QUOTE]

    <div>Obviously, sending a thank you card for coming is acceptable, but it is not necessary.  The reception was a thank you for coming to the ceremony.  Thank yous are only necessary to thank the guests for a gift.</div>
  • Have your daughter send thank you cards with wording like "thank you for attending the wedding...it means a lot to us that you were here, blah blah blah"

    If they did bring a gift, they may call and question it at that point.  Or if they wrote a check, they'll eventually ask when she plans on cashing it.

    and if they did come empty handed, this still allows them the diginity of a thank you without putting them on the spot for a gift.
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  • Personally, I think sending a "thank you for coming" card comes across as a "pointing out that you didn't bring me a gift" card.  The reception is the thank you to your guests for coming.

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_missing-cardsgifts-from-the-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2263eff6-c379-48e9-af40-7be9e7fa1753Post:6dc5c9ca-e6f3-411a-b99b-2a4caa61aa9e">Re: missing cards/gifts from the wedding reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]Personally, I think sending a "thank you for coming" card comes across as a "pointing out that you didn't bring me a gift" card.  The reception is the thank you to your guests for coming.
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.  </div><div>
    </div><div>If a guest gave a gift and doesn't get a TY note after a few months, the guest should contact the couple to make sure they recieved the gift.  These guests probably didn't give anything.</div>
  • We actually have heard of a few couples who did have cards and gifts stolen by the reception hall staff. They found out when checks weren't cashed and the giver asked, or if a thank you card was never received. There won't be a whole lot you can do either way and I'd err on the side of not offending people by asking them what they brought.
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  • Ditto PPs. Treat these guests as though they did not bring anything with them. If they receive no TY they should call and question if you got it. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_missing-cardsgifts-from-the-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2263eff6-c379-48e9-af40-7be9e7fa1753Post:6dc5c9ca-e6f3-411a-b99b-2a4caa61aa9e">Re: missing cards/gifts from the wedding reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]Personally, I think sending a "thank you for coming" card comes across as a "pointing out that you didn't bring me a gift" card.  The reception is the thank you to your guests for coming.
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

    seriously?  I guess i never looked at it that way.  I figured you would send a TY card to everyone that came regardless of if they bring a gift.
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  • I wouldn't say anything. I would be sure to go through anything you have from the wedding one more time, though. When my brother got married they were missing a lot of cards from people they were pretty sure had brought them. It turned out that a stack had gotten thrown in a box with other wedding stuff and put in my parents' van. They found them a few weeks later.
  • thanks everyone for your responses- they were appreciated! FYI too...when giving a wrapped gift as a wedding present, be sure to either secure the card VERY well or better yet, put it inside the wrapped gift...lots of cards fell off and NOT SURE who gave what! UGGHH, by the end of the evening, we (the parents of the bride) were having the car loaded by some of the workers at the reception hall with all the gifts and things got stirred and jostled quite a bit...again, just worried a few cards got lost in the mix and certainly my daughter and her new husband want to acknowledge the generosity of their  guests. You NEVER want to believe someone would be so bold as to steal...but you never know!
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