Offered Wedding Contributions

BittsyB

Hello! My family has generously offered to contribute to our wedding. My Dad and Step-Mom, my Mom and Step-Dad, and my Aunt have all offered to contribute. Both sets of parents have sent the amount they said they would give.  My Aunt is rather flighty, so I asked her if she was still able to contribute a few months ago.  She said she was and sent us a check for half of the amount she had offered and said she would send the rest later. 

Fast-forward to now (less than 6 months to go!) and I have several large payment coming up in the next 2 months that we need her remaining 50% for.  After she sent her first check she has  mostly disappeared from my life (work, new relationship, etc.). I have attempted to hang out with her several times, invite her to wedding appointments (she always cancels last minute) but she never follows through.  I can cover the remaining amount that she offered myself, but it would put a damper on our current lifestyle (i.e. we won't starve, but won't be able to live how we currently do) and honeymoon plans.

I'm incredibly awkward when asking for things (more so when $ is involved), so I'm looking for the proper way to approach her about this - or should I let it drop?

Thanks.

misssunshine17

Don't ask your aunt for the rest of the money. If she wants to do it, she will. Otherwise, you need to scale back or come up with the money yourself. 

OjitosVerdes

This is a crappy situation to be in, but I agree that you shouldn't ask her for the money.  I think people can get so caught up in the excitement of weddings that they sometimes overcommit themselves in the beginning stages as far a money, time, etc. are concerned.  I would cover the balance yourselves, or scale back. 

We had family offer to help as well, but did not calculate their offer into our cash flow until there was a check in hand, just in case. 

BittsyB

I know that money isn't an issue for her, so it's not a matter of her being over-committed (this has happened before with other things - she just forgets).  

In the past I would have just sent her a jokey email and she would have thanked me for reminding her and sent the check.  She's just been so removed from my life lately (especially whenever I try and get her involved in wedding stuff - which she was enthusiastic about in the beginning), that I'm wondering if it's appropriate to talk to her about it - I wouldn't have thought twice about asking her a year ago, but now...she's just being weird I guess. 

MsYeck

Maybe she keeps canceling beause things in her life have changed that will not allow her to donate the money she said she would. I would maybe setup a non-wedding thing like lunch and she if it comes p. otherwise prepare yourself and plan your life to pay yourself. This is why nobody should ever plan a wedding off of what people say they will contribute until the check has cleared.

Jen4948

Given her history of flakiness, I definitely wouldn't rely on her to provide the rest of the funds she "promised" - nor should you ask.

If you can't pay the rest of the deposits and bills that you need to, sadly, you'll have to ratchet down your plans and cut whatever costs you can.

Kate61487

I also wouldn't ask her.  She may be planning to give it as a gift at the wedding.  Regardless of whether she eventually comes through or not you've reminded once already; time to move on.

zantster

I wouldn't ask her.  If she keeps canceling then something may be going on that she does not feel comfortable sharing with you at the moment that may or may not be financial in nature.  

Suck it up and alter your lifestyle to move on with your plans and if she pays her share or asks how much her part was supposed to be just tell her the original amount and accept it as a reimbursement of what you already paid.  In the meantime, you can keep her in the loop by cc'ing her on emails you may be sending to your parents in terms of what you and FI are planning and when the invites are going out, etc., without mentioning money. 

Hopefully, by getting those updates she will come to you with the money.  But if not, let it go.  Regardless of what she said at that time, she is not obligated to follow through.  FI's parents have contributed to the wedding but we never asked and we never checked in to see when we would get it.  When they were ready they gave it and we accepted.  Had they not, we would still have been prepared to go it alone.

jesslamb830

It kind of seems your taking her generosity for granted...Dont ask her thats just rude...and if it would conflict with your lifestyle having to use your OWN money for your OWN wedding...maybe you should cut back your lifestyle spending or your wedding spending

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_offered-wedding-contributions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:236a4459-8ddd-43f8-b397-28d9c49c9ea0Post:998d8281-0bc5-472e-9cbe-f9f38f05f1e8">Re: Offered Wedding Contributions</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I know that money isn't an issue for her, so it's not a matter of her being over-committed</strong> (this has happened before with other things - she just forgets).   In the past I would have just sent her a jokey email and she would have thanked me for reminding her and sent the check.  She's just been so removed from my life lately (especially whenever I try and get her involved in wedding stuff - which she was enthusiastic about in the beginning), that I'm wondering if it's appropriate to talk to her about it - I wouldn't have thought twice about asking her a year ago, but now...she's just being weird I guess. 
Posted by BittsyB[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Unless you take care of her checkbook, there's no real way to know this.

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