what to do when i make more $ than FI?

nicubride15

Ok, I think my post fits best on this board, so here we go.........

My future hubs and I are planning to get married next summer/fall. We started talking about budgets the other night. He really wants to keep the budget low, as do I, so I suggested an absolute max of $15,000. I thought he was going to have a heart attack right there, and could see that he was worried about being able to pay for things. However, we know a lot of people in the area who may be able to cut us a deal on everything from ceremony officiant to reception venues, and there are things we could possibly get for free. So, the 15k is a cap, not a figure that we have to spend every penny of. We could prob do it all for 10k.

Here's the actual problem/question: My FH is going into his third year as a high school teacher, and his finances are very tight (we don't plan to merge finances as a married couple, we plan to spilt household expenses, and continue to handle our individual expenses (like car loans and student loans) individually, as we've been doing b/c it really just works for us). I'm in a little bit of a better situation financially going into my 5th year of being an RN (NICU if you couldn't guess by my screen name ). As it is now, for big things like vacations, he pays for what he can, and I make up the rest. It doesn't bother me bc I want us to be able to do and see things and make good memories together  When it comes to wedding expenses, we don't want to go overboard, but we also don't want to skimp on some things like photo/video, flowers for ceremony/recepetion, and tents for a planned outdoor wedding. My parents are also planning on chipping in some, and my mom (who is awesome) is paying for my dress. For things that we don't want to skimp on, I plan on paying for a good chunk of it, and he can pay what he can afford. I have no problem doing this, but I think he's still worried about spending too much money, but it's our day, and I want it to be special for him and I.

Has anyone had this same situation? any advice?

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:24296a27-c129-451f-88d0-385ee46ee510Post:f1d9c10b-1bc6-477a-a63f-0fcf621f0995">what to do when i make more $ than FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, I think my post fits best on this board, so here we go......... My future hubs and I are planning to get married next summer/fall. We started talking about budgets the other night. He really wants to keep the budget low, as do I, so I suggested an absolute max of $15,000. I thought he was going to have a heart attack right there, and could see that he was worried about being able to pay for things. However, we know a lot of people in the area who may be able to cut us a deal on everything from ceremony officiant to reception venues, and there are things we could possibly get for free. So, the 15k is a cap, not a figure that we have to spend every penny of. We could prob do it all for 10k. Here's the actual problem/question: My FH is going into his third year as a high school teacher, and his finances are very tight (we don't plan to merge finances as a married couple, we plan to spilt household expenses, and continue to handle our individual expenses (like car loans and student loans) individually, as we've been doing b/c it really just works for us). I'm in a little bit of a better situation financially going into my 5th year of being an RN (NICU if you couldn't guess by my screen name ). As it is now, for big things like vacations, he pays for what he can, and I make up the rest. It doesn't bother me bc I want us to be able to do and see things and make good memories together  When it comes to wedding expenses, we don't want to go overboard, but we also don't want to skimp on some things like photo/video, flowers for ceremony/recepetion, and tents for a planned outdoor wedding. My parents are also planning on chipping in some, and my mom (who is awesome) is paying for my dress. For things that we don't want to skimp on, I plan on paying for a good chunk of it, and he can pay what he can afford. I have no problem doing this, but I think he's still worried about spending too much money, but it's our day, and I want it to be special for him and I. Has anyone had this same situation? any advice?
Posted by nicubride15[/QUOTE]

This is the first of a million financial decisions you two are going to have to make. There's no one right answer, and it's just something the two of you need to talk out to make sure you're on the same page financially. If he has insecurities about you making more than him, that needs to be dealt with asap, or it's just going to keep coming up in every context. And while I understand you not wanting to compromise when you have the money to pay for it, you also need to make sure you're not making him feel bad about what he can't pay for.

Just sit down and talk it out. Some people split expenses by salary percentages (ie. if he makes $50,000/year and you make $100,000, you'd pay 2/3 of all bills and he'd pay 1/3) - maybe something like that would work for you.

nicubride15

Thanks for the advice! It really is a lot to think about