Plus 1 children

misshart00

I haven't seen this question before so I thought I'd just ask.

Obviously, we need to allow people in relationships to bring their SO, but are we also required to invite SO's children?

crash2729

If you aren't having other children I don't think that it's necessary to invite children that you may not even know. However, if you have the extra seats it may be a nice gesture.

banana468

No, you don't need to invite the children.

Simply Fated

I think it depends, personally.

misshart00

We are inviting other children. Does that change things?

MyUserName1

If you have a clear cut-off, I think you are safe to not invite their children.

For example, if you are only inviting children who are family, but not children of other friends, you're safe.

But if you're inviting your neighbor's kids, it looks a little rude to not invite these kids.

Avion22

I am of the personal opinion that children are very much part of the "social unit" as much as adults in a relationship are.   Obviously if the venue or time makes it inappropriate for children then there is no need to invite them.  But if you are inviting other children, then I think you should invite these children, even if you don't know them.  You would still invite someone's SO if you didn't know them, right?  I think it's the same thing with children.   I know not everyone agrees with me, but this is how I see it.  

misshart00

I have the room, so I'll find out which SOs have children so I can include them on the invitation. Thanks for the advice. I was leaning toward your responses because I think it would be really odd to invite our friend with their kids and SO but not the SOs kids.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:242ca988-d1a4-457d-9892-ed398883620ePost:4f36b915-1743-43b2-bf6d-10809986a0f5">Re: Plus 1 children</a>:
[QUOTE]I am of the personal opinion that children are very much part of the "social unit" as much as adults in a relationship are.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
Wow. That's gross.

kalpi108

I think it's a nice gesture and since, like you say, you have the room, it's good that you're doing it I don't agree that they're part of the social unit like the adults in the relationship are. So I wouldn't think it a necessity if all the other kids invited were family members but if the SO's were to be the only ones invited without their chidren, it could feel awkward if not rude. Especially if they end up the stepchildren of your guests in the future.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:242ca988-d1a4-457d-9892-ed398883620ePost:8281a174-2d07-4407-9a7d-6fe1390bd129">Re: Plus 1 children</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus 1 children : Wow. That's gross.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

<div>Gross that kids are family and your friends random boyfriend isn't?   </div><div>
</div><div>Families are a social unit.</div>

[Deleted User]

Gross that you think children are part of the social unit and therefore ought to be welcome everywhere that adults are.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:242ca988-d1a4-457d-9892-ed398883620ePost:344e68f6-b97e-485a-89da-2c329156cad1">Re: Plus 1 children</a>:
[QUOTE]Gross that you think children are part of the social unit and therefore ought to be welcome everywhere that adults are.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

<div>My post said that if the location and time are appropriate for children, then they should be invited.  Meaning that if you invite some kids to a kid-friendly event, it's weird not to invite others.   </div><div>
</div><div>No, you should definitely invite SOs as they are part of a social unit.  I would find it odd to invite your friend's random boyfriend and not her kid, as long as it is a kid-friendly event.  </div><div>
</div><div>Like I said, this is my opnioin, and clearly not everyone agress with me.</div><div>
</div><div>I don't see how considering kids to be part of a family's "social unit" is gross.</div>

Snippylynn

"Random boy/girlfriend" aside, children are CHILDREN. They are not always welcome everywhere adults are. They should not be.  Again, if someone has the space and inclination, that's fine.  But it's damn sure not a requirement.

kalpi108

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:242ca988-d1a4-457d-9892-ed398883620ePost:10fbf9cc-8283-4970-b53c-e748e3ee7e46">Re: Plus 1 children</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus 1 children : My post said that if the location and time are appropriate for children, then they should be invited.  Meaning that if you invite some kids to a kid-friendly event, it's weird not to invite others.    No, you should definitely invite SOs as they are part of a social unit.  I would find it odd to invite your friend's random boyfriend and not her kid, as long as it is a kid-friendly event.   Like I said, this is my opnioin, and clearly not everyone agress with me. I don't see how considering kids to be part of a family's "social unit" is gross.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

<div>I think you misunderstood the OP. Unless I did. I thought she was asking about her friends' SO's children. Not her friends' chidren. And since she was inviting the children of her friends, she wondered if it would be rude not to invite the children of her friends' SO's. That confused me even as I wrote it but I think that was the question. I still don't think that she <em>has</em> to invite them but that it's nice that she's going to since she has the room anyway. I also don't think that just because a place is kid-friendly that a couple has to invite children but they do have to accept that some adults might decline if they cannot find arrangements for their children to stay home or because they don't want to (though I don't understand the latter personally, but yeah yeah I'm not a parent yet). If someone wants to invite children they're related to or have a close relationship with, I don't think that means that the child of every person on the guest list has to be invited. Since she's inviting so many children and has the room to invite the SO's children, too, it's nice that she's going to but she certainly doesn't have to.</div>

mica178

Are you inviting everyone else's kids?  If so, then I guess it'd be weird to exclude just this one family's kids.  But if you are only inviting kids that you have a close relationship with (relatives' kids, kids of WP, etc.), I think it's fine not to invite the kids of random SOs.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:242ca988-d1a4-457d-9892-ed398883620ePost:10fbf9cc-8283-4970-b53c-e748e3ee7e46">Re: Plus 1 children</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus 1 children : My post said that if the location and time are appropriate for children, then they should be invited.  Meaning that if you invite some kids to a kid-friendly event, it's weird not to invite others.   
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
Your post said that you think children are part of the social unit, which is an entirely different statement than what is quoted above.

Also, what Snippy said.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:242ca988-d1a4-457d-9892-ed398883620ePost:4f36b915-1743-43b2-bf6d-10809986a0f5">Re: Plus 1 children</a>:
[QUOTE]I am of the personal opinion that children are very much part of the "social unit" as much as adults in a relationship are.   <strong>Obviously if the venue or time makes it inappropriate for children then there is no need to invite them.</strong>  But if you are inviting other children, then I think you should invite these children, even if you don't know them.  You would still invite someone's SO if you didn't know them, right?  I think it's the same thing with children.   I know not everyone agrees with me, but this is how I see it.  
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

<div>Read much daffodil?</div><div>
</div><div>Edited:  Sorry, that's snippier than I meant it.  I'm just trying to illustrate that in my original reply I addressed that not all events are kid-friendly, but that if they ARE and other kids are invited, it is MY OPINION that other kids related to those invited should also be invited.</div>

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:242ca988-d1a4-457d-9892-ed398883620ePost:4f36b915-1743-43b2-bf6d-10809986a0f5">Re: Plus 1 children</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I am of the personal opinion that children are very much part of the "social unit" as much as adults in a relationship are. </strong>  Obviously if the venue or time makes it inappropriate for children then there is no need to invite them.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
She was referring to that Avion. I'm sure you knew that.  Yes, you put a caveat in there, but it's weak.  Especially after your first sentence.

[Deleted User]

Excuse me? This is what I quoted and was clearly what I was commenting on:

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:242ca988-d1a4-457d-9892-ed398883620ePost:4f36b915-1743-43b2-bf6d-10809986a0f5">Re: Plus 1 children</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I am of the personal opinion that children are very much part of the "social unit" as much as adults in a relationship are.  </strong>
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
Can't YOU read? What are you, summerbride's sister?

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:242ca988-d1a4-457d-9892-ed398883620ePost:45454468-baf4-4e00-8b3e-678298a01fc2">Re: Plus 1 children</a>:
[QUOTE]Excuse me? This is what I quoted and was clearly what I was commenting on: In Response to Re: Plus 1 children : Can't YOU read? What are you, <strong>summerbride's sister?</strong>
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

<div>This made me chuckle.</div><div>
</div><div>I read it as Kalpi read it, that OP was talking about friend's SO's children. I wouldn't think it's necessary to invite people who are that much extended, children or not. Inviting SO's children is a little strange unless they are a big part of your life.</div><div>
</div><div>Edited - forgot a word/clarity</div>

eorea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:242ca988-d1a4-457d-9892-ed398883620ePost:688d04ac-67aa-4429-8779-0a583cff10b3">Re: Plus 1 children</a>:
[QUOTE]"Random boy/girlfriend" aside, children are CHILDREN. They are not always welcome everywhere adults are. They should not be.  Again, if someone has the space and inclination, that's fine.  But it's damn sure not a requirement.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

<div>This! </div><div>
</div><div>OP, you are fine not inviting the children. </div>

misshart00

Yes, I meant the SOs children. I'm sorry if that wasn't clear.

kalpi108

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:242ca988-d1a4-457d-9892-ed398883620ePost:7f624cc6-1b06-4fdd-b12d-b0b727726e07">Re: Plus 1 children</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I meant the SOs children. I'm sorry if that wasn't clear.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

<div>No worries, I think it was clear.</div>

MyNameIsNot

It really depends on the relationship and situation.  I mean, if this friend and her boyfriend have been together for years or live together and his child is like her step-child, you'd want to invite the child.  But if it's a thing where your friend has been seeing this guy for 3 months and she barely knows the kid, it would seem strange to invite the kid.  

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:242ca988-d1a4-457d-9892-ed398883620ePost:5670a1d0-c2d7-4576-9579-f271c91d5e9c">Re: Plus 1 children</a>:
[QUOTE]It really depends on the relationship and situation.  I mean, if this friend and her boyfriend have been together for years or live together and his child is like her step-child, you'd want to invite the child.  But if it's a thing where your friend has been seeing this guy for 3 months and she barely knows the kid, it would seem strange to invite the kid.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

I lean towards this. Just because the kids aren't biologically or marriage related, doesn't make them less of a family unit, if that's how they feel. For instance, if cousins are being invited, and these kids would count as cousins if the couple someday gets married, then I don't think they souls be crossed off the list so fast.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Nope. Etiquette says SOs are social units. Children can be invted on an individual basis.

If you're inviting other children, you might get flak about not inviting someone's SO's children, so decide if you want to deal with that.

I didn't even invite my DAD's SO's children, and it was fine. But your mileage may vary.