Accessibility Issues at Wedding

lkeaney

I have a question about inviting disabled guests to a wedding that you know they physically won't be able to attend.  Some backstory:  I got engaged and selected my wedding venue -- a beautiful old building that was originally constructed as a synagogue and is now an event space -- several months ago, and I'm not getting married until September.  In the interim, I've become much better friends with a work colleague who uses a wheelchair.  I am inviting a few other colleagues/work friends and would like to invite her, however, there is no way she will be able to access the building -- the ceremony and the dinner will be held in a loft on the second floor, and the cocktail hour in between will take place on the ground floor, but the bathrooms are a floor below.  So my dillemma -- do I invite her (and thereby make her feel obligated to buy a gift), but then have to tell her that the venue is inaccessible and she won't be able to attend?  Or do I not invite her, and tell her that's why?  Or just not mention it at all?  I feel very awkward and bad about this whole thing, however, I'm definitely not inviting the entire office, so it's not like she will be the only person from my job that doesn't get an invite.

What would you do?

TKzilla

First question: is it too late to change your venue?

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_accessibility-issues-at-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:243dbf79-dae7-4606-a0f2-a9550cdbe0c4Post:4e98d93d-43a6-415b-ba68-a98489ac905c">Accessibility Issues at Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a question about inviting disabled guests to a wedding that you know they physically won't be able to attend.  Some backstory:  I got engaged and selected my wedding venue -- a beautiful old building that was originally constructed as a synagogue and is now an event space -- several months ago, and I'm not getting married until September.  In the interim, I've become much better friends with a work colleague who uses a wheelchair.  I am inviting a few other colleagues/work friends and would like to invite her, however, there is no way she will be able to access the building -- the ceremony and the dinner will be held in a loft on the second floor, and the cocktail hour in between will take place on the ground floor, but the bathrooms are a floor below.  So my dillemma -- do I invite her (and thereby make her feel obligated to buy a gift), but then have to tell her that the venue is inaccessible and she won't be able to attend?  Or do I not invite her, and tell her that's why?  Or just not mention it at all?  I feel very awkward and bad about this whole thing, however, I'm definitely not inviting the entire office, so it's not like she will be the only person from my job that doesn't get an invite. What would you do?
Posted by lkeaney[/QUOTE]

Have you talked to the venue about accessibility?  I'm honestly not sure how they rent this as a public event space without complying with ADA guidelines.  But, maybe there is a loophole if it's a historic building?

I can't imagine this is the first time they have encountered this.  I would give your venue a call and see how they typically handle it.

erinlin25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_accessibility-issues-at-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:243dbf79-dae7-4606-a0f2-a9550cdbe0c4Post:2e331119-f52a-463f-b97c-ffd817a6ca00">Re: Accessibility Issues at Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Accessibility Issues at Wedding : Have you talked to the venue about accessibility?  I'm honestly not sure how they rent this as a public event space without complying with ADA guidelines.  But, maybe there is a loophole if it's a historic building? I can't imagine this is the first time they have encountered this.  I would give your venue a call and see how they typically handle it.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

This!  I'm pretty sure its against the law to not have that sort of compliance.  But maybe not everywhere? 

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_accessibility-issues-at-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:243dbf79-dae7-4606-a0f2-a9550cdbe0c4Post:2e331119-f52a-463f-b97c-ffd817a6ca00">Re: Accessibility Issues at Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Accessibility Issues at Wedding : Have you talked to the venue about accessibility?  I'm honestly not sure how they rent this as a public event space without complying with ADA guidelines.  But, maybe there is a loophole if it's a historic building? I can't imagine this is the first time they have encountered this.  I would give your venue a call and see how they typically handle it.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

I agree.  Maybe they can install temporary ramps for people with mobility issues or make other one-day accommodations.  I'd find out before making any decisions.

[Deleted User]

I agree with pp to talk to venue. Maybe they have an elevator available that can be used for these types of sitautions. It might just be located in an area of the venue that isn't very visable to the general public. 

lkeaney

Wow, thanks everyone for the advice!  I didn't initially reach out to the venue because I'm pretty sure the answer is no -- the building is a really just a larger brownstone in Brooklyn that was built sometime in the early 1910s, and I know they don't have an elevator or anything.  (I'm pretty sure they can get away with being ADA non-compliant because the building is a historic site, and it's a private event space, not a hotel or anything.  Unfortunately, as I understand it, a ton of apartments and other buildings in NYC are completely inacessible to people who use wheelchairs for this reason).  However, it's possible that maybe one floor at least is accessible.  I just emailed the venue to see if there's anything I don't know. 

And yeah, its definitely too late to change the venue.  Not only do I love it (except for this issue, of course), the save the dates have already gone out.

I agree with the post above -- assuming accessibility is a no-go, I think I will have a conversation with her where I say that I really would love for her to be there, but the building isn't accessible.  

Thanks very much everyone!  Fingers crossed that maybe the venue has some secret elevator in the back or something.  

07ultraclassic

She may have a partner or caregiver that helps her get around in the event her chair doesn't permit it. (in which case, you may have another mouth to consider to feed, should she accept your offer - she'll tell you about it, if she does).

My mom is wheelchair bound, and from experience, there's ways of adapting when a place isn't accessible. If she accepts your offer and you tell her of the building's limitations, she may or may no tell you what her 'secret' is for getting around it .. .I've known some to have their caregiver carry them to a chair before an event starts (before people are around to see) and they just stay planted in that place for the duration. A caregiver could take the wheelchair into the building, then take her and put her in it, and she just doesn't go potty during your event .. they're pretty versatile and capable when they need to be.  If she needs some special ramp or (?) to accomodate herself, she'll say something, or she'll likely have one herself.
 
If she declines with the accessability as the reason, then you know. Maybe you and her could go for a lunch together once the wedding chaos has died down, instead.

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_accessibility-issues-at-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:243dbf79-dae7-4606-a0f2-a9550cdbe0c4Post:ababa040-cd16-42e2-b05e-a664c49bf16f">Re: Accessibility Issues at Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, thanks everyone for the advice!  I didn't initially reach out to the venue because I'm pretty sure the answer is no -- the building is a really just a larger brownstone in Brooklyn that was built sometime in the early 1910s, and I know they don't have an elevator or anything.  (I'm pretty sure they can get away with being ADA non-compliant because the building is a historic site, and it's a private event space, not a hotel or anything.  Unfortunately, as I understand it, a ton of apartments and other buildings in NYC are completely inacessible to people who use wheelchairs for this reason).  However, it's possible that maybe one floor at least is accessible.  I just emailed the venue to see if there's anything I don't know.  And yeah, its definitely too late to change the venue.  Not only do I love it (except for this issue, of course), the save the dates have already gone out. I agree with the post above -- assuming accessibility is a no-go, I think I will have a conversation with her where I say that I really would love for her to be there, but the building isn't accessible.   Thanks very much everyone!  Fingers crossed that maybe the venue has some secret elevator in the back or something.  
Posted by lkeaney[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Sounds like you've got the right idea. I also feel like since this is an event space, surely they have AT LEAST a service door that is ground level or ramped for people bringing in catering, etc. I could be totally wrong, but I think since it sounds like they're probably not compliant with ADA because of the historic part of it, maybe that's something even the owners of the building might have forgotten about. Good luck!

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