S/O of Who's Hosting....

topchef33

So a while ago I was talking w/my mom and I brought up the topic of invites and how we had seen nice ones that said "Together with their parents...". Well of course she got upset and was saying how she wants her name on the invite.

We are primarily paying for this wedding ourselves. FI's mom and step dad are going to pay for the bar, and my mom has offered to buy my dress (given that I stay within budget obviously). That is all that has been offered and we are grateful for that.

Part of me does not think it is fair to only put her and my step dad's name on the invite and not FI's parents'. FI's parents are divorced, so it would be too many lines to also add in his mom and step dad and his dad and step mom.

I would rather just put her name on the invite to avoid problems, b/c I'm sure she would never let it go. But then again I don't know if it's completely fair.

Any opinions?

brookelynpaisley

Traditionally, the bride's parents do the hosting and those are the names at the top of the invite. If she's hosting, I don't see the big deal with just putting hers. When you get into multiple sets of parents and everyone's pitching in money, then I think "together with their parents" is just easier. Also, I think if this is a situation where your mom is hosting but your dad isn't, then I think it's odd to just list her. Again, "together with their parents" is just an easier catch-all that doesn't hurt feelings.

AmoroAgain

I'm of the opinion when parents act like little kids, they don't get their way. Hah.  She should just deal, methinks, and you should do what you want.  It annoys me when parents act like this.  Wedding not about her!

kkchisholm

I think with families/parents is fine... that is what we did. If you think all names look good on the invatation that might be and option too. I think just putting your family, and not his might cause hurt feelings, especially since his parents are contirbuting (I am assuming) just as much as your mom.

EmmaBride2B

Well, we put both sets of parents on our invitations. My parents did the same in 1985 and they paid for the wedding themselves.

I guess you can look at invitations as showing who's hosting, but it can also just be about honoring your parents in a small way, which is probably what your mom is getting at. It's obviously your choice, I'm just trying to shed some light on why your mom might feel so strongly.

topchef33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_of-whos-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2499a91e-1e00-4ae6-83ef-85c5de63aeb7Post:23838830-69b3-4781-ad1b-025d26ba127c">Re: S/O of Who's Hosting....</a>:
[QUOTE]Traditionally, the bride's parents do the hosting and those are the names at the top of the invite. If she's hosting, I don't see the big deal with just putting hers. When you get into multiple sets of parents and everyone's pitching in money, then I think "together with their parents" is just easier. Also, I think if this is a situation where your mom is hosting but your dad isn't, then I think it's odd to just list her. Again, "together with their parents" is just an easier catch-all that doesn't hurt feelings.
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

I don't talk to my dad, so he's not even invited to the wedding. FI's dad and step mom are also not contributing.

So far FI's mom and step dad have offered to help out the most out of all the parents, so I'd feel weird only putting my mom and step dad and not FI's mom and step dad....but then I'd be leaving out FI's dad and step mom. Having divorced parents does not make anything easy lol.

flutgrl1

I have never seen a wedding invite without parents. But usually it is just the long wording of which parents belong to whom
You are cordially invited to the wedding of

the bride
the daughter of the late insert mom's name dad's name AND stepmother

and
the groom
list his parental units no matter how long

etc

Together with their families just seems weird to me. if you aren't on good terms with your parents then sure I can see using something like that
 

topchef33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_of-whos-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2499a91e-1e00-4ae6-83ef-85c5de63aeb7Post:1f00459f-e2eb-47d1-be7e-b0fdb69cf10a">Re: S/O of Who's Hosting....</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm of the opinion when parents act like little kids, they don't get their way. Hah.  She should just deal, methinks, and you should do what you want.  It annoys me when parents act like this.  Wedding not about her!
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

haha I totally agree! I just know that there will be drama if her name doesn't get on the invite and she will probably just hold it against me 10 yrs down the road.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_of-whos-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2499a91e-1e00-4ae6-83ef-85c5de63aeb7Post:b2cb83d2-8c79-4f23-badf-6335a804f1c8">Re: S/O of Who's Hosting....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O of Who's Hosting.... : haha I totally agree! I just know that there will be drama if her name doesn't get on the invite and she will probably just hold it against me 10 yrs down the road.
Posted by topchef33[/QUOTE]

I shrug at that, but you're the one who has to live it.   My mom knows better than to try that with me.  She might say something once or twice,  but when I ignore/blast it, she'll stop.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_of-whos-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2499a91e-1e00-4ae6-83ef-85c5de63aeb7Post:9aba49a2-5765-47ee-b198-4f44a45c20c7">Re: S/O of Who's Hosting....</a>:
[QUOTE]I Together with their families just seems weird to me. if you aren't on good terms with your parents then sure I can see using something like that  
Posted by flutgrl1[/QUOTE]
That is such utter BS

felicity and reverie

The Knot says that when everyone is hosting, the bride's name goes first like this:

Ms. Heather Marie Smith
and
Mr. Michael Francis Jacobson
together with their parents
Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith &
Mr. and Mrs. Mark Franklin Jacobson
request the pleasure of your company
at their wedding
Saturday, the seventeenth of May
two thousand and eight
at half past four in the afternoon.


Since it is just listing the parents underneath "together with their parents" you could add in another line to include all the parents like this:

Ms. Topchef
and
Mr. FI
together with their parents
Mr. Stepdad and Mrs. Topchef Mom
Mr. FSFIL and Mrs. FMIL &
Mr. FFIL and Mrs. FSMIL
....etc

Here is the Knot link about it: http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/formal-wedding-invitation-wording-everyone-hosting.aspx

sarah0725

I don't think there's really a rule about whether you put "together with their parents" or list all the parents, but I think there's something nice about listing the parents if it matters to them. We'd be listing both sets of parents no matter what anyone says. Is it worth the hurt feelings to get your way on this one?

topchef33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_of-whos-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2499a91e-1e00-4ae6-83ef-85c5de63aeb7Post:9aba49a2-5765-47ee-b198-4f44a45c20c7">Re: S/O of Who's Hosting....</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never seen a wedding invite without parents. But usually it is just the long wording of which parents belong to whom You are cordially invited to the wedding of the bride the daughter of the late insert mom's name dad's name AND stepmother and the groom list his parental units no matter how long etc Together with their families just seems weird to me. if you aren't on good terms with your parents then sure I can see using something like that  
Posted by flutgrl1[/QUOTE]


yeah it would be something like
mom's name and step dad's name (they're not married but they've been together nearly 20 yrs)
request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter (this is another odd thing...he's not my real dad but he's been around most of my life...although my dad's side of the family will be invited since I'm on good terms w/them still. so I would sort of feel weird having it say 'their daughter')

bride
to
groom

son of

mom's name and step dad's name
and
dad's name and step mom's name


I just hope that we'd be able to fit all of that onto the invite along w/the wedding info lol.

kkchisholm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_of-whos-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2499a91e-1e00-4ae6-83ef-85c5de63aeb7Post:cd3fd2eb-e34f-4df6-aa6a-32b7a3691cad">Re: S/O of Who's Hosting....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O of Who's Hosting.... : That is such utter BS
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

totally agree.
My mom and I are best friends and it says together with families. Does this mean I don't love her anymore?

topchef33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_of-whos-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2499a91e-1e00-4ae6-83ef-85c5de63aeb7Post:ed287aa5-ec67-4dbd-a624-80372fbcf24d">Re: S/O of Who's Hosting....</a>:
[QUOTE]The Knot says that when everyone is hosting, the bride's name goes first like this: Ms. Heather Marie Smith and Mr. Michael Francis Jacobson together with their parents Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith & Mr. and Mrs. Mark Franklin Jacobson request the pleasure of your company at their wedding Saturday, the seventeenth of May two thousand and eight at half past four in the afternoon. Since it is just listing the parents underneath "together with their parents" you could add in another line to include all the parents like this: Ms. Topchef and Mr. FI together with their parents Mr. Stepdad and Mrs. Topchef Mom Mr. FSFIL and Mrs. FMIL & Mr. FFIL and Mrs. FSMIL ....etc Here is the Knot link about it: <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/formal-wedding-invitation-wording-everyone-hosting.aspx" rel="nofollow">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/formal-wedding-invitation-wording-everyone-hosting.aspx</a>
Posted by felicity and reverie[/QUOTE]

This looks good..thanks! Hopefully everyone will be happy this way lol

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_of-whos-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2499a91e-1e00-4ae6-83ef-85c5de63aeb7Post:7a66a642-c1da-4970-9fc9-9bf0de001547">Re: S/O of Who's Hosting....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O of Who's Hosting.... : totally agree. My mom and I are best friends and it says together with families. Does this mean I don't love her anymore?
Posted by kkchisholm[/QUOTE]

Duh KK.. only people who truly love all 8 of their parents list their names.

Course, what does it make me that I didn't even put "together with their parents" on ours???

Calypso1977

i agree with Amoro.

our invites didnt have anyones names other than H and I.  no one got offended, adn if they did, they were polite and kept it to themselves.  parents usually get honored in other more meaningful ways at weddigns anyway.  a name on a piece of paper taht ends up in the trash is not something to get spun up about, IMO.

flutgrl1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_of-whos-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2499a91e-1e00-4ae6-83ef-85c5de63aeb7Post:cd3fd2eb-e34f-4df6-aa6a-32b7a3691cad">Re: S/O of Who's Hosting....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O of Who's Hosting.... : That is such utter BS
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

I've never ever seen a wedding invite like that. Honest to God. I am sure it works fine for some people. It would just confuse me :)

stillundecided4

Thank you OOT mother for your response.

FI and I put just my parents names on the invite because they are "hosting" and paying for the wedding. I thought that was the proper way to word the invite. Now my FMIL is pissed at me because her name wasn't listed. She said she's never seen it the way we wrote it. (Mr. and Mrs. bride's parents request the honour of....) You just can't win when trying to be proper.

Looking back at it though, I wish I would have just thought to put the in-laws on ithe invite so I would avoid the drama. I just didn't think about it when we printed.

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_of-whos-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2499a91e-1e00-4ae6-83ef-85c5de63aeb7Post:fc2e44c4-3ee4-4c91-aa11-8a24d50ef9b6">Re: S/O of Who's Hosting....</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never seen a wedding invitation with anything other than the bride's parents issuing the inviation. Also, I've yet to see the groom's parents on an invitation. I must lead a sheltered life
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

Me too!  But everyone I know either paid for their own wedding or did things the "traditional" way -- the bride's family paid.  My FI's family is neither paying nor hosting the wedding, therefore their names are not on the invitation.  If they decide to issue invitations to the rehearsal dinner, they'll have their names on that invitation.

ETA: if both your and your FI's parents are paying for part of the wedding, then both sides should be acknowledged, either with "Together with their families" or naming all the individuals.  But it would be rude/unfair to list your mother and stepfather without naming your FI's side (since you said they're paying for part of the reception and your mother is paying for the dress, right?).

JoyTate1

My mom and step-father are paying, so we are giving them top billing.  However, to make everyone happy, in small print below my name we are adding daughter of "Dad's name" and then under his name  son of "his parents".  Everyone can be happy, and it doesn't take up a lot of space.

SummerBoston10

This is what we did.  All parents are contributing with my parents each paying 40% and his paying 20%.

Mr. and Mrs. Dad and Stepmom
Mr. and Mrs. Stepdad and Mom
and
Mr. and Mrs. FIs parents

Request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their children

Bride and groom

etc.