define "and guest"

frenchy730

This isn't a huge deal, but I wanted to seek others' advice before I make my decision.

As a general rule, we only gave plus ones to those guests that are in relationships.  If we were aware that they were dating someone, they were welcome to bring that person.  Those that we know are single only got one invite. 

We did chose to give our wedding party the option to bring a date, whether they were in relationships or not.  One of my bridesmaids, who lives out of state (but the wedding is in the town we all grew up in) is asking if she can bring a friend that is coming to visit with her because the guy she has been seeing recently can't make it.    I have never met this girl in my life, nor will she know anyone at the wedding.  What would be the best thing to do?  Let the girl come since I didn't ever define who her plus one was supposed to be, since at the time of the invite she wasn't dating anyone, or tell her no, since she is a complete stranger?  At this point, budget and space isn't an issue since we had already planned for BM+1. 

I guess I just feel a little torn on what decision to make.

Brie2010

Just let her come.  My sister/MOH brought her (male) roommate as her date.  It was not a big deal and made her happy.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_define-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:24dd2949-0b0e-4c60-90ce-ed2a0be300adPost:f6306483-8c8b-4b77-be68-01e6f82f6c86">define "and guest"</a>:
[QUOTE]This isn't a huge deal, but I wanted to seek others' advice before I make my decision. As a general rule, we only gave plus ones to those guests that are in relationships.  If we were aware that they were dating someone, they were welcome to bring that person.  Those that we know are single only got one invite.  We did chose to give our wedding party the option to bring a date, whether they were in relationships or not.  One of my bridesmaids, who lives out of state (but the wedding is in the town we all grew up in) is asking if she can bring a friend that is coming to visit with her because the guy she has been seeing recently can't make it.    I have never met this girl in my life, nor will she know anyone at the wedding.  What would be the best thing to do?  Let the girl come since I didn't ever define who her plus one was supposed to be, since at the time of the invite she wasn't dating anyone, or tell her no, <strong>since she is a complete stranger?</strong>  At this point, budget and space isn't an issue since we had already planned for BM+1.  I guess I just feel a little torn on what decision to make.
Posted by frenchy730[/QUOTE]
I would assume that the guy your BM has been dating recently is just as much a complete stranger as this girl. Let your BM bring someone. You've already got the space anyway, so I don't see how it matters who the person is.

FutureMrsTR

I'd let her come, but honestly, I don't get it when people do this.  I would feel weird asking a friend to attend a wedding with me for someone they didn't know and I would feel even more weird as that friend going to the wedding of someone else.  I guess if you don't know anyone else at the wedding it would be someone to talk to, but it still strikes me as a little strange.

frenchy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_define-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:24dd2949-0b0e-4c60-90ce-ed2a0be300adPost:fc6ef11d-43a5-4ad7-bf1a-96a993995da8">Re: define "and guest"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to define "and guest" : I would assume that the guy your BM has been dating recently is just as much a complete stranger as this girl. Let your BM bring someone. You've already got the space anyway, so I don't see how it matters who the person is.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]
Good point.  I guess I was just thrown off by the whole "can i just bring a random friend who's visiting" thing.  But that argument does make a lot of sense.

Celles

I think it would be nice to let her come.  If you were on a tight budget, then I'd understand declining her since she isn't a significant other -- but since that doesn't seem to be the case (and I assume the BM who asked to bring her is a close friend), I'd let this one slide.

frenchy730

BM is a close friend.  I think I share the same viewpoint as FutureMrsTR.  BM grew up with a big group of friends who will all be attending (some single, some not).  So it's not like BM needs a person there to talk to, and i do think it's a little odd that her friend would even want to go to a wedding for someone she's never met... but I suppose it doesn't make a huge difference to let her come! 

KatyRoseM

I have never thought you could dictate who the guest is, its a guest of your guest.  If you can't tell them what to wear, you can't tell them who to bring.  At least it seems similar to me.

frenchy730

KatyRoseM- Thanks for the opinion.  I basically feel the same way.  The only issue I am having, which i probably should've specified better earlier, is that I only let other guests bring significant others, not friends.  I didn't give other single friends the option of bringing a friend, so would it look bad to let her bring a friend, but not give the same courtesy to other single guests?  In my head i think it's ok because she is in the wedding party, but at the same time, I don't want a mob of single people angry at me for not extending them the same option.

noelwellin

I'd let her come.  My ex broke up with me not long before my uncle's wedding, so I brought my best friend instead.  I actually had more fun with her there than I would have if I'd had him, plus it was nice not being all by myself right after a break-up.  Besides, if you care enough about her to have her in your WP, then you should be able to trust her judgement when it comes to her guest.  If she didn't think she'd enjoy herself she probably wouldn't have asked to bring her along.  

KatyRoseM

Sorry, I didn't get the question it seems. So was her SO invited?  Or did it say and guest?  To me that makes all the difference, if there was a particular person then she can't substitute it out, if not its up to her.  

On a side note, I've never gotten why bridal party members get guests when other singles don't, it just never made sense to me.

frenchy730

So general consensus is let her come.  Easy enough.  Just had to settle that weird battle in my brain.  Thanks all!

Sing2phins

I don't understand why your BM is having company the weekend she's agreed to be in your wedding.  But maybe that's just me?

frenchy730

Yeah I don't know.  She moved accross the country for college and stayed after graduating.  She'll  be "home" for 3 weeks, her friend who has never been to California is coming to visit for about a week... just happens to be during the time of the wedding.  Our wedding is only one day, so it's fine if she had to schedule her visit that week

quotequeen

If you write "and guest" on the invitation, the person can bring anybody she likes, there is no requirement that it be a significant other or even a date.  If you want to dictate who the guest is, you need to invite that guest by name.

brookelynpaisley

"one night stand"

hugz415

we were also choosy about who we gave plus 1's to.  We gave them to people in serious relationships and also to anyone who wouldn't really know many other people at the wedding.  One of my FI's friends told us one night that he was going to bring his brother as his guest.  I admit that my first reaction was WTF?! but really its not my spot to judge who he wants to bring with him.  my first reaction was based on the fact that he and his brother are basically big drunk goons and I really didn't want his brother there adding to the obnoxious-ness.  (who the heck do I sit these two with?!) but in the end the right thing to do is suck it up and be gracious about it. 

CLSchramm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_define-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:24dd2949-0b0e-4c60-90ce-ed2a0be300adPost:01dcefae-373d-44d0-99db-4d57e3545fd5">Re: define "and guest"</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd let her come, but honestly, I don't get it when people do this.  I would feel weird asking a friend to attend a wedding with me for someone they didn't know and I would feel even more weird as that friend going to the wedding of someone else.  I guess if you don't know anyone else at the wedding it would be someone to talk to, but it still strikes me as a little strange.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

This. This is the part I don't understand. I'm a shy person myself, but I still don't understand why adults can't go to a social gathering by themselves. We are not in middle school anymore people; loose the pack mentality!

mags0607

I am understanding that the BM is bringing a guest from OOT that is staying with her the week of the wedding. Right?

I do find it a little odd, but I probably would let her go ahead and bring the friend since you did write "and guest" on the invitation. I doubt the other guests will know that this girl is a "stranger" and they will probably just think she was another invited guest. Plus, since BM is coming from OOT, perhaps she didn't want to make the trip by herself.

Since you have the space and its in the budget, I would just let this one slide, and let the friend come.