Formal Dinner and Dancing to Follow

filley

I want to encourage my guests to dress a little more formally than usual.  In my region, it is common for people to show up for weddings in jeans and dirty flip flops.  What I have in mind is cocktail attire - a dress or slacks and a nice shirt.  I plan to make a statement to that effect on my wedding website, but I don't think that many people will even go to the website.  Would putting "formal dinner and dancing to follow" on the invite be a good way to gently convey the level of formality?  I think I'd be uncomfortable outright dictating "cocktail attire" on the invitation.  I won't freak out if someone does show up in jeans, but I have been to weddings and thought how disrepectful it is to the couple who've put so much effort into making a nice day for their guests.

ootmother2

You can't tell your guests what to wear unless you are stating a dress code for a particular venue.

The formality is generally indicated by the invitation, time of day and the venue.  NOT on your website.

mm133123

It blows my mind that people  show up to weddings in jeans and flip flops.  I agree that the invite will set the tone, if its a fancy invite in a fancy script it should deliver the point, and if it is a night wedding, it definitely will.  Some people, unfortunately will not pick up on it.  

Ljacks87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_formal-dinner-dancing-follow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25ab9adf-c8c3-4f14-b1b5-4485e1177797Post:64e9bfbd-1e05-4194-8bc7-e606da8ae44f">Re: Formal Dinner and Dancing to Follow</a>:
[QUOTE]It blows my mind that people  show up to weddings in jeans and flip flops.  I agree that the invite will set the tone, if its a fancy invite in a fancy script it should deliver the point, and if it is a night wedding, it definitely will.  Some people, unfortunately will not pick up on it.  
Posted by mm133123[/QUOTE]

<div>Agree. Someone is bound to be oblivious to the etiquette cues and show up in jeans, but don't worry about it. It's a bad reflection on them, not you. </div>

filley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_formal-dinner-dancing-follow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25ab9adf-c8c3-4f14-b1b5-4485e1177797Post:5fae7531-5652-4cc7-8f3c-cee4c5a28c5c">Re: Formal Dinner and Dancing to Follow</a>:
[QUOTE]You can't tell your guests what to wear unless you are stating a dress code for a particular venue. The formality is generally indicated by the invitation, time of day and the venue.  NOT on your website.
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]
I don't necessarily want to tell them what to wear.  I just want to convey that the dress is a little more formal than normal.  The invitation will be formal, it is a sunset/evening wedding, and the venue is a vineyard that we rural Oregonians would generally consider "fancy".  My intention is to be helpful, especially because most of the guests probably wouldn't even know what the term "cocktail attire" means.  I certainly don't want to insult them.  If the thought is that it is generally a bad idea to even hint at the level of formality, then I suppose I could just hope I don't notice a few pairs of dirty jeans.

jessicabessica

I think with your invitation being formal and the venue being known in your area as a little more fancy, you should stop worrying about it (which it sounds like you're ok with).  As oot said, it's not polite to tell guests what to wear unless the venue has a particular dress code.  Also, "formal dinner and dancing to follow" wouldn't really convey to me a particular dress code, and I'm not sure that it would deter someone who would normally wear jeans to a wedding.  

sleepnbeeutie

that seems like a nice tactful way of putting and always send the "rumor" around through the grape vine