More guests than lodging

mkortemeier

Our wedding venue comes with lodging for approximately 2/3 of our guests.  My family is traveling quite a bit farther for the wedding, but we want to give everyone a fair shot at staying on site.  What's the best way to do this?  First come first serve?  He who drives the farthest, stays the closest?  Also, what (if any) is the most tactful way to ask for contributions for said lodging?  We could have spent much less cash at a venue without the perk of rooms, but then our guests would be paying 3-4x as much on their own.  We're interested in doing what we can to help our guests attend and enjoy our wedding, but we aren't exactly rolling in the dough.

SmallenForever

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:d6735401-d433-4f14-ab0d-7cce5320d99d">More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]Our wedding venue comes with lodging for approximately 2/3 of our guests.  My family is traveling quite a bit farther for the wedding, but we want to give everyone a fair shot at staying on site.  What's the best way to do this?  First come first serve?  He who drives the farthest, stays the closest?  Also, what (if any) is the most tactful way to ask for contributions for said lodging?  We could have spent much less cash at a venue without the perk of rooms, but then our guests would be paying 3-4x as much on their own.  We're interested in doing what we can to help our guests attend and enjoy our wedding, but we aren't exactly rolling in the dough.
Posted by mkortemeier[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You let your guests know that there are rooms if they need them, along with a phone number or website so they can book their rooms. The guests pay for their own rooms and they are on first come, first serve basis. You don't need to explain this to guests; they will figure it out.

</div>

mkortemeier

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:26bc45a6-dc7c-4f91-a660-13311ccd41b9">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to More guests than lodging : You let your guests know that there are rooms if they need them, along with a phone number or website so they can book their rooms. The guests pay for their own rooms and they are on first come, first serve basis. You don't need to explain this to guests; they will figure it out.
Posted by SmallenForever[/QUOTE]

It's not that simple.  The venue comes with three homes, all rented to us.  It is 100% up to us to assign rooms.  There is no charge to our guests from the venue-- it is completely paid for by us. 

Summer2011Bride

Is this like a hotel in that you are having your reception at this venue, but the guests book rooms with the company separately? Or is this like a lodge where you have to rent out the entire space, including rooms, and you will have paid for the whole thing ahead of time?

If it's the former, just give guests the information for the place, let them call or book online and go from there. Just as with blocks of rooms, most people understand there may be a limited number and it is first come, first served.

However if it's the latter and you have already paid for these rooms as part of having your reception there, I personally think guests should be allowed to stay for free. You chose to have your reception at a venue that requires renting out rooms, and I think it would be weird and awkward to expect your guests to pay YOU to stay there. In this situation, I would probably offer it up to those who are traveling furthest/paying for airfare first.

So my advice depends on the situation.

ETA: Saw your follow-up. Take my second advice then.

SmallenForever

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:69cc0cd9-90bd-4e63-8c09-2d759dda7c23">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: More guests than lodging : It's not that simple.  The venue comes with three homes, all rented to us.  It is 100% up to us to assign rooms.  There is no charge to our guests from the venue-- it is completely paid for by us. 
Posted by mkortemeier[/QUOTE]

<div>Don't ask guests to contribute then. I'd find out who in your wedding party needs a room, give those out first, and then immediate family. If there are any left (and a decent amount), put a note on your wedding website or invites that says "limited complimentary guest lodging avaiable on first come, first serve basis. Please call us if interested." If you only have a few rooms left after your wedding party and family, I'd say, don't put anyone in those rooms. I know in my family that if you offered cousin 1 a free room, but not cousin 2, there'd be a huge fight. </div>

libby2483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:69cc0cd9-90bd-4e63-8c09-2d759dda7c23">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: More guests than lodging : It's not that simple.  The venue comes with three homes, all rented to us.  It is 100% up to us to assign rooms.  There is no charge to our guests from the venue-- it is completely paid for by us. 
Posted by mkortemeier[/QUOTE]

<div>Hmm...this does make things a bit trickier.  Depending on the number of rooms and people, maybe just your immediate/close family could stay in the rooms.  Then, you could do a room block at a nearby hotel for other guests and include this accommodations information on your website or in the invitations.  This still isn't an ideal situation, but by providing these rooms as a "gift" to your immediate family members, there is less room for hurt feelings or people fighting over rooms.</div>

STARMOON44

You mention homes so I'm picturing large vacation homes, with common entrances, living spaces, and possibly shared bathrooms? Is it feasible to "give" your mom one to fill, one to his, and one for your friends? And then email everyone individually and say "we have a limited number of rooms available in a shared home for xx. Please let me know if you are interested". Ordinarily I'd say just make it first come first served, but if these are shared spaces I wouldnt want to be stuck with the grooms third cousin. Unless he's really hot.

Lored

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:0a31aa1c-5ea2-4b35-898f-367cbc09c585">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: More guests than lodging : Don't ask guests to contribute then. I'd find out who in your wedding party needs a room, give those out first, and then immediate family. If there are any left (and a decent amount), put a note on your wedding website or invites that says "limited complimentary guest lodging avaiable on first come, first serve basis. Please call us if interested." If you only have a few rooms left after your wedding party and family, I'd say, don't put anyone in those rooms. I know in my family that if you offered cousin 1 a free room, but not cousin 2, there'd be a huge fight. 
Posted by SmallenForever[/QUOTE]




I'd agree with this. There really is no way to ask your guests to pay for these rooms. I mean, you wouldn't want to actually ask them to pay you directly.

mkortemeier

All these posts sounds like various strategies we're considering.  Again, we decided on this venue to help significantly reduce cost to our guests.  We would never demand someone pay for a room...  ever.  It is our hope that upon seeing the super awesome place we arranged with all of them in mind, that common sense will prevail and some assistance will be offered.  If we could have afforded a property that would easily accomodate all of our guests, we would have rented it.  Instead we've made as much of a compromise as we could-- balancing out the comfort and financial considerations of our guests vs. our own fiscal health. 

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:87512b2d-525e-40f4-8691-90d45d1ab499">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]All these posts sounds like various strategies we're considering.  Again, we decided on this venue to help significantly reduce cost to our guests.  We would never demand someone pay for a room...  ever. <strong> It is our hope that upon seeing the super awesome place we arranged with all of them in mind, that common sense will prevail and some assistance will be offered.  </strong>If we could have afforded a property that would easily accomodate all of our guests, we would have rented it.  Instead we've made as much of a compromise as we could-- balancing out the comfort and financial considerations of our guests vs. our own fiscal health. 
Posted by mkortemeier[/QUOTE]

<div>Please don't count on this. It doesn't matter if it's the white house, if you tell people that you have a free room for them, you should have a free room for them. </div>

mkortemeier

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:3db08e6e-6b2b-47e0-90f4-c9ea18923680">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: More guests than lodging : Please don't count on this. It doesn't matter if it's the white house, if you tell people that you have a free room for them, you should have a free room for them. 
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

I never said I had free rooms for anyone.

SmallenForever

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:76b25425-e18e-41ac-9980-c14a97c30c1e">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: More guests than lodging : I never said I had free rooms for anyone.
Posted by mkortemeier[/QUOTE]

<div>You would never demand payment, but the rooms aren't free? So confused (and your guests will be too). Don't charge them (it is mega rude) and don't expect them to pay or offer to pay.</div>

misshart00

What if none of Your guests want to stay there for one reason or another? You'll still have to pay for the rooms, right?

lyndausvi

There are some ladies on here who have had a similar situation, lets hope they chime in.

Honestly I haven't really come up with a real good solution.  There really is no fair way to offer 2/3 of your guests a great deal.

NOLAbridealmost

I don't see anything wrong with putting "on site lodging available. Contact X for availability and pricing" on the wedding website. Just be prepared to pay up yourself if no one partakes

Lored

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:a5e699bf-9c11-4d4e-a4b2-e08af7ce8d7c">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see anything wrong with putting "on site lodging available. Contact X for availability and pricing" on the wedding website.

Just be prepared to pay up yourself if no one partakes
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]



I just think it gets sticky because the guests aren't directly paying the venue or a hotel. If I'm understanding this correctly, they'd be writing a check to the bride and groom reimbursing them for a room. Sounds pretty tacky.

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:4429b7be-c0f3-4277-831d-520bad728eb4">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: More guests than lodging :

I just think it gets sticky because the guests aren't directly paying the venue or a hotel. If I'm understanding this correctly, they'd be writing a check to the bride and groom reimbursing them for a room. Sounds pretty tacky.
Posted by Lored[/QUOTE]



I truly still think it's fine as long as it's truly optional and the only mention is the wedding website....and obviously not done for the profit by the bride and groom.

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:87512b2d-525e-40f4-8691-90d45d1ab499">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]All these posts sounds like various strategies we're considering.  Again, we decided on this venue to help significantly reduce cost to our guests.  We would never demand someone pay for a room...  ever.  It is our hope that upon seeing the super awesome place we arranged with all of them in mind, that common sense will prevail and some assistance will be offered.  If we could have afforded a property that would easily accomodate all of our guests, we would have rented it.  Instead we've made as much of a compromise as we could-- balancing out the comfort and financial considerations of our guests vs. our own fiscal health. 
Posted by mkortemeier[/QUOTE]

My question is this: If none of your guests decide to stay, could you afford to pay for it on your own? If not, you should never have booked it as it too risky.

if you COULD afford it, you should not ask guests to pay.

Either way, asking guests is tacky..and highly likely to create much drama for you..

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:45d815c1-24b3-485f-983a-f28646c2b7e1">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: More guests than lodging : I truly still think it's fine as long as it's truly optional and the only mention is the wedding website....and obviously not done for the profit by the bride and groom.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm inclined to agree with NOLA. If someone said to me, "Hey, free room!" I wouldn't think to offer anything. If there were something on the website about a shared house, contact whomever for pricing, I'd do it and then compare it with a hotel room and just pick the best option for myself. Just be prepared if no one wants to stay in a shared house OP. 

</div>

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:d6735401-d433-4f14-ab0d-7cce5320d99d">More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]Our wedding venue comes with lodging for approximately 2/3 of our guests.  My family is traveling quite a bit farther for the wedding, but we want to give everyone a fair shot at staying on site.  What's the best way to do this?  First come first serve?  He who drives the farthest, stays the closest?  Also, what (if any) is the most tactful way to ask for contributions for said lodging?  We could have spent much less cash at a venue without the perk of rooms, but then our guests would be paying 3-4x as much on their own. <strong> We're interested in doing what we can to help our guests attend and enjoy our wedding, but we aren't exactly rolling in the dough.</strong>
Posted by mkortemeier[/QUOTE]

<div>I think it's fine to put something about accommodations being available on site, but if nobody (or very few) choose to stay there, you have to pay for them anyway, so this seems like a moot point. I personally would not want to stay in a "shared" house with people other than my friends or immediate family. </div>

AJuliaNJ

I'm annoyed with your venue. They are putting you in a bad position where there really isn't any good option. They should be the ones collecting money from guests that want to stay at their venue, not you. Ideally, you would be able to talk them into doing this, but we don't live in a perfect world, and I'm sure there's a reason they do it this way.

You could, as other posters suggested, let people stay there for free, but that's not really fair to you if that wasn't your intention. From your OP, it seems that you were kind enough to want to offer your guests a CHEAPER option, not an option you completely pay for yourself. Nobody I know of has ever provided this many of their guests with free lodging (maybe some family members, but certainly not 2/3 of the guests) so your guests wouldn't be expecting free lodging. I think you would be overextending yourself and your budget to offer most of your guests free rooms.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with you expecting the guests to pay for their rooms. Really what you did is put down some money to hold the rooms and the people that are going to stay there pay the money. You'll just need to pick up the slack for any rooms that aren't reserved. You could then discreetly offer them to family members at no cost or let the existing guests spread out.

The only somewhat decent solution I have is to have a family member or close friend take control of the room situation (not financially of course). You can list these rooms as just one lodging option, along with at least one hotel, and for the contact info, put the friend/family member who agreed to field the calls. This way it is not as blatant that the money is actually going to reimburse you for the money you spent to hold the rooms. I'm not saying be dishonest; if someone for some reason asked for clarification on who paid, your mom could explain the situation. I don't think there's anyone that wouldn't understand.
 

ZiggyZos

How will guests be expected to pay? Cash/check to the bride and groom? I never pay for hotels/lodging with anything but a credit card that will allow me to contest the charges should I have a problem with where I'm staying. Are OP and FI willing/able to accept credit cards? Really, the only option I see here that wouldn't scream "rude" to me is working out with the property management a way for guests to pay directly and have that portion removed from your bill. Any asking or requiring of guests to reimburse the bride and groom for costs associated with their wedding (which is what this sounds like, tbh - you chose the venue, not your guests), just rubs me the wrong way.

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:e516f477-5f96-49e6-a12d-4305ad11a93c">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]How will guests be expected to pay? Cash/check to the bride and groom? I never pay for hotels/lodging with anything but a credit card that will allow me to contest the charges should I have a problem with where I'm staying.

<font color="#ff00ff">Good point. This makes me feel even more negatively about the venue. They are much better equipped to take payments and deal with contested charges than 2 individual people. Honestly, this would be a deal breaker for me. This is way too big of a responsibility for me. I mean, what if a guest broke something or just didn't pay? Are you now responsible? And now you have this huge etiquette-related issue? F that.
</font>
[QUOTE]Are OP and FI willing/able to accept credit cards? Really, the only option I see here that wouldn't scream "rude" to me is working out with the property management a way for guests to pay directly and have that portion removed from your bill.

Any asking or requiring of guests to reimburse the bride and groom for costs associated with their wedding (which is what this sounds like, tbh - you chose the venue, not your guests), just rubs me the wrong way.

<font color="#ff00ff">But don't guests usually pay for their own rooms if they choose to stay over? I selected my venue, not my guests, but the ones that are staying over still have to pay for a room.  Don't get me wrong, this is definitely a grey area, but I don't see your guests as helping to pay for the wedding. They don't have to stay in the rooms, and if they don't, they pay nothing. It reminds me of every DW I've been to in that there's always a group of people that get a house to save costs. One person pays for it and everyone else gives them cash or a check for their share. Of course, the problem here is that the people who put out the initial money are the bride and groom...
</font>
<font color="#ff00ff">TBH, I really just hate this whole situation. It's too big of a hassle and there's a risk of you getting stuck paying for all these rooms (which would not happen at most venues) or offending guests. Is it too late to check out some other venues?
</font>

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:0974e63d-7de9-44c2-a8da-fa5c669838fa">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: More guests than lodging : I get the feeling it's a set up like "rent this 4 bdrm guest house for $600 a night" and OP is planning for 4 couples to stay in that one house and each pay $150.  So, it's not really the venue's fault since I doubt they normally rent out shared accomodations on a partial basis.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Not knowing the venue, I just don't understand why the bride and groom HAS to rent them out as part of their reception package. I've never heard of this. Why can't they be like any other venue (sorry for generalizing) and people just rent the houses if they need them? It would make much more sense for it to be listed as an accommodation option and if someone wants to rent the house for themselves or split it amongst a few couples, they can contact the venue directly. Maybe I would have an a-ha! moment if I understood what type of venue it was, and what the rationale was.

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guests-than-lodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:270140ee-fdce-47c2-9e9a-46f601a89bc7Post:f2596357-1f2f-4280-92ef-472100226cbf">Re: More guests than lodging</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: More guests than lodging : Yeah, I obviously cannot answer that either, but I know that a lot of bed and breakfasts and cabin/lodge type venues around here require that if you use them for a major event, you rent all the rooms.  This is because they won't be able to have others stay there (at least not for the full charge) during your event and so they add that stipulation to keep them from losing money.   The place where we have our family reunion every 5 years has something like 8 cabins, a big "house" with 3 or 4 bedrooms, and a gorgeous rec area with a pool, tables, BBQ pit, volleyball area, etc.  In order to use the rec area for a private event, you have to rent out the cabins because the rec area is the venue's main draw for people to stay there over other cheaper lodging, if that makes sense?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

It does make sense now. Thank you for explaining this. But, wow, this would be way too much effort and responsibility than I'd be ready to take on. Even if OP gives them out for free, she has to deal with the fallout from people she didn't give free rooms, any damage to the property, and coordinating rooms. To each his own, but I'd consider this a dealbreaker.