NWR: Those with Dogs

SnShne322

I hosted a party a few weeks ago for about 15-20 friends.  One friend asked if she could bring her puppy along with her.  She didn't end up coming to the party (not because of the dog) and I never actually had to reply about the dog because she couldn't make it.

I was uncomortable with the idea because the other guests didn't know the dog and I have a cat who has never been around dogs before on top of the fact that I'm not personally a dog person.  Also, if I extended that invitation to her, would I have been obligated to let the other guests who have dogs bring them?   

I do expect this question to come up with this friend again the next time she comes to visit or we have people over and I do plan on asking her to not bring her dog for my cats sake and honestly for H and I was well.  Is it common for those with dogs to bring them along?  Would you be offended if the person asked you not to bring your dog with you?  I just want to handle it the best way possible.

mandysmear

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-those-dogs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2743837f-4512-4ea9-a4a1-6bc8e6862e5cPost:de9d5fb1-4c5c-405f-92ea-ec8c91005dba">NWR: Those with Dogs</a>:
[QUOTE]I hosted a party a few weeks ago for about 15-20 friends.  One friend asked if she could bring her puppy (10 month old lab/german shepard mix) along with her.  She didn't end up coming to the party (not because of the dog) and I never actually had to reply about the dog because she couldn't make it. I was uncomortable with the idea because the other guests didn't know the dog and I have a cat who has never been around dogs before on top of the fact that I'm not personally a dog person.  Also, if I extended that invitation to her, would I have been obligated to let the other guests who have dogs bring them?  This included a 1 year old French Mastiff, <strong>an American Eskimo</strong> and a Cocker Spaniel.  I do expect this question to come up with this friend again the next time she comes to visit or we have people over and I do plan on asking her to not bring her dog for my cats sake and honestly for H and I was well.  Is it common for those with dogs to bring them along?  Would you be offended if the person asked you not to bring your dog with you?  I just want to handle it the best way possible since she is likely to not understand my position very well.
Posted by SnShne322[/QUOTE]

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SnShne322

Awww Mandy, I'm sorry...

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-those-dogs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2743837f-4512-4ea9-a4a1-6bc8e6862e5cPost:de9d5fb1-4c5c-405f-92ea-ec8c91005dba">NWR: Those with Dogs</a>:
[QUOTE]I hosted a party a few weeks ago for about 15-20 friends.  One friend asked if she could bring her puppy (10 month old lab/german shepard mix) along with her.  She didn't end up coming to the party (not because of the dog) and I never actually had to reply about the dog because she couldn't make it. I was uncomortable with the idea because the other guests didn't know the dog and I have a cat who has never been around dogs before on top of the fact that I'm not personally a dog person.  Also, if I extended that invitation to her, would I have been obligated to let the other guests who have dogs bring them?  This included a 1 year old French Mastiff, an American Eskimo and a Cocker Spaniel.  I do expect this question to come up with this friend again the next time she comes to visit or we have people over and I do plan on asking her to not bring her dog for my cats sake and honestly for H and I was well.  Is it common for those with dogs to bring them along?  Would you be offended if the person asked you not to bring your dog with you?  I just want to handle it the best way possible since she is likely to not understand my position very well.
Posted by SnShne322[/QUOTE]

Was she staying overnight, or spending a long period of time there?  H and I used to be able to leave our dog with my parents or his mom when we went away, but now that we live nowhere near them we have to make plans for him.  When we go to visit our friends in Portland, and same when they come see us, we bring our dog.  If not, we have to kennel him for the night, or we can't go.  So if they were going to be there a long time, or overnight, I can see why they asked.

waltzingmatilda13

I don't think every invitation is also extended to the dog. I could see someone with a very tiny dog asking, but that sounds like it's going to be a big dog.

Just tell her you don't feel comfortable for all the reasons you said above. It's your house and it's your rules as far as I'm concerned.

MattsPenguin

I am having people over this weekend, with dogs.  We have a corgi/Shepherd mix.  Our friends are bringing their golden retriever.  The two of them know each other and I like to bring them to each other's houses when possible (to occupy them and tire them out).

I would not, however, ask to bring my dog to someone's house who does not have a dog already.  If they invited the dog, sure, but not just bringing it because. The dog can stay home by itself for a few hours.

mandysmear

Okay.  Now to answer your question.

I have a friend who used to bring her dog everyfuckingwhere.  And this dog is not properly potty trained.  This dog peed and pooped in my house everytime.  After I let her over the first time I was too much of a pansy to say anything.

So my advice, is "just say no".  If you have a backyard that is fenced then I would say "sure dexter can come, but he's gotta stay outside the whole time."

Since we moved into our new house my friend hasn't brought the dog over (she's been over 3 times).  And I intend to keep it that way. 

As soon as you allow it once, you're done.

And as someone who used to be a dog owner, I only brought my dog over to places SOMETIMES.  a) when he was invited specifically ie."hey why don't you bring ban over on saturday and we can sit outside and have beers all afternoon with the dogs?"  b)places like my inlaws and my friends who live out of town that have expressed that Ban is always welcome

I consider myself a pretty courteous dog owner however.  Some people aren't though. 

mandysmear

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-those-dogs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2743837f-4512-4ea9-a4a1-6bc8e6862e5cPost:a12f0c66-30b9-46e2-846f-4e299ccdb070">Re: NWR: Those with Dogs</a>:
[QUOTE]Awww Mandy, I'm sorry...
Posted by SnShne322[/QUOTE]

Oh it's totally okay.  :)  I was just being dramatic. 

tpender13

If you invite her to something and she asks again, explain why you're not okay with it. I would side-eye someone specifically telling me not to bring my dog somewhere, the same way I would side-eye someone writing "no kids" on a wedding invite, but I would also never assume that it was okay to bring my dog to someone's home.

SnShne322

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-those-dogs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2743837f-4512-4ea9-a4a1-6bc8e6862e5cPost:d0d9bb56-1bff-44db-869a-715f89c35a47">Re: NWR: Those with Dogs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to NWR: Those with Dogs : Was she staying overnight, or spending a long period of time there?  H and I used to be able to leave our dog with my parents or his mom when we went away, but now that we live nowhere near them we have to make plans for him.  When we go to visit our friends in Portland, and same when they come see us, we bring our dog.  If not, we have to kennel him for the night, or we can't go.  So if they were going to be there a long time, or overnight, I can see why they asked.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

The time period would have been for about 4-6 hours.  They lived about 30 minutes away.  I certainly do understand restrictions for pet owners and wouldn't be offended if she couldn't make it due to them.

[Deleted User]

I would never ask (or assume) that my dog be invited to anyone else's house.  We hate it when people bring dogs to our house just because Maggie acts out for a week afterwards.  H's aunt knew we had a dog and when we planned to visit last Christmas, she asked that we not bring our dog because her dog gets too upset.  We were not the least big offended, and never planned to bring the dog anyway.  I say your house, your rules. 

ElleestJenn

My family only brought our dog to places when she was invited. We have family friends that also has a dog so whenever we go over to each other's houses the dog comes because they go in the backyard and play and for the most part leave us be. I wouldn't ask someone if I could bring my dog to someone's house.

mica178

I don't usually invite my dog along with me places.  It's one thing to be invited WITH my dog.  It's another thing to expect people to want my dog to attend a party, especially if the host doesn't have a dog.  My dog enjoys time alone in the house when she can jump on the couch and move shoes around and see if there's anything tasty in the garbage can.  She's an adorable monster.

emilyinchile

We go pretty much everywhere with our dog because she is small and well-behaved, and most of our friends like dogs. I don't think this is particularly common, although since several friends also have small-ish dogs, we'll often bring them to each others' houses. Big dogs to me is kind of a different story though just because they do take up more space and can't exactly be held on a lap if they're bothering other people.

That said, I wouldn't be at all offended if you told me no, but I'd also never ask if someone had a cat, so clearly this girl and I are different. I'd blame the cat if she doesn't seem ok just taking no for an answer.

ETA: I also wouldn't bring Lola to a party with 20 people unless it's a group like H's handball friends where I know they all are fine with her and the parties are always casual. I understand that even if the hosts like dogs, not all people and not all parties are dog-friendly.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-those-dogs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2743837f-4512-4ea9-a4a1-6bc8e6862e5cPost:33f64f35-6881-4fa9-86e7-e33b9b35de75">Re: NWR: Those with Dogs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Those with Dogs : The time period would have been for about 4-6 hours.  They lived about 30 minutes away.  I certainly do understand restrictions for pet owners and wouldn't be offended if she couldn't make it due to them.
Posted by SnShne322[/QUOTE]

Yeah then thats just weird, especially if you don't have a dog.  We have some friends with dogs that always welcomes ours, and thats different.  But unless we were going to be gone way too long we would never ask to bring him. 

SnShne322

Phew.  I'm glad for the responses.  They were what I was thinking (hoping for).  I just didn't want to be 'the crazy lady who hates dogs and it too protective of her cat'.

Edit: FTR record, I in no way hate dogs. I'm just not familiar with many and have never had one.

garcias1

Some perspective from a puppy-owner (who honestly isn't the best behaved puppy, but she's trying).  The only time I have asked someone if I could bring my dog to their house is if they have a dog themselves.  Even then, I made it explicitly clear that it would be ok if they said no, and I meant it.  Some people have allergies or phobias of dogs, and I am sensitive to that.  Also, some pets just don't get along with other dogs (older dogs and most cats don't get along with my puppy since she has so much energy).

FI has brought puppy to people's houses that don't have a dog, but that is usually because they invite her (his GM is her "godfather" because he watched her when we went away for a weekend, and he loves to have her over his place.

As a matter of fact, I'm going to go make puppy's picture my sig right now. lol

noodle_oo

As others have said, just say NO.  At least she asked!  My sister's friend came to visit (granted it was an overngiht visit), but she brought her dog and didn't tell my sister!!!!  My sister had a cat and small children and they are not really dog people.  She was pissed (but of course couldn't really say anything since they just showed up with the dog).  I think it is really weird to just assume that people want your dog in their house without asking.

Anyway, just remember:  she was asking permission and you always have a right to say no. It is your house afterall!  Just tell her politely that you don't want the dog to freak out your cat.  She can't really argue with that (if she does, she's being very rude).