Invitations

Meg1979

I am purchasing my invites tomorrow and I want to get the wording right.  My mother thinks we should do, "Together with their parents" but I think they should be mentioned as the hosts.  My FI's parents have not contributed a dime to the wedding.  They have given us a gift for the honeymoon, but the rest is between us and my parents. 

What do you think?  Should I be diplomatic and do the "Together with their parents" or give my parents the nod for hosting us?

P.S. Edit--I'm not really THAT bitter that his mom and dad aren't contributing.  I know they aren't obligated.  He's their only son and it would help us out.  A lot. 

mica178

What does your FI think?

Meg1979

Gotta ask him.  I think he's okay with however I want to do it.  I don't think he'd even notice, to be honest.  He's pretty oblivious. 

angie74

why do people make such a big stinking deal about this? my parents paid for almost our entire wedding and we still did

my parents, invite you to the wedding of their daughter

me
to
DH

son of his parents

for the record, you do sound pretty bitter

baystateapple

I would just do "together with their parents..."  Starting the marriage off with a public indication of whose parents paid more for the wedding is probably not a good move.  You don't know if it will hurt their feelings, and it's safer to just list them both.

Meg1979

I know!  I do sound bitter.  I think the bitterness is really coming from the fact that they don't approve.  I'll get over it.

twinkie757

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-28?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2764b1a0-99d2-4627-a9bb-b05bcd5dcc29Post:ad1493a4-f6e1-4762-8f5a-7c6900eb5fc6">Re: Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]why do people make such a big stinking deal about this? my parents paid for almost our entire wedding and we still did my parents, invite you to the wedding of their daughter me to DH son of his parents for the record, you do sound pretty bitter
Posted by angie74[/QUOTE]

I agree the wording is no big deal! FI's parents are paying for the wedding, but we have the same wording as above.

tenofcups4me

I'd do your parents as hosts and his parents as "son of" -- doesn't imply they're paying, just acknowledges they exist. Though if they're giving you a really hard time, I'd probably leave them off entirely. I wouldn't do "together with their parents" since it sounds like his parents really aren't involved -- I'm surprised your mother suggested that.

kristinanddan

Your parents
..your wording here..
Bride
&
Groom
son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parents

angie74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-28?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2764b1a0-99d2-4627-a9bb-b05bcd5dcc29Post:b8f34b19-936a-4bde-b8c3-01569c2a41e3">Re: Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]Though if they're giving you a really hard time, I'd probably leave them off entirely.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

way to start a marriage. good idea.

kaesha

My husbands' parents didn't contribute to the wedding (my parents did 40%, we did 60%):

Kaesha's Mum & Dad and Mr. Kaesha's Mum and Dad
invite you to celebrate.... yadda yadda yadda

Because, at the end of the day, we thought the idea of dropping names because they gave cash was incredibly tacky. It was far more important to celebrate the totally awesome people who raised us.

Okay. Cheesefest over.

mica178

My FI's parents' names aren't on our invitation.  They aren't hosting the wedding.  They're hosting the RD, so their names will be on that invitation.

Of course, I ran the invitation by both my FI and his parents, and tradtionalists that they are, they were fine with it.

Talk with your FI.  If his parents really don't approve of your marriage, they might not want their names on the invitation.  If they're "old school" like my FILs, they also won't want to imply that they're hosting since they aren't. 

loop0406

He's their only son?

I think you should put their names too on the invite (it's not about financial contributions - it's about the fact he has parents, if yours are included, why can't his be too) or go with Together with our parents...

waltzingmatilda13

I think if your parents are paying, but your mom is still okay with their names being on it, I would just do "together with their parents". It doesn't hurt you any and it could help towards getting in your ILs good graces if they don't approve.

flamingtwig72

I don't know what the issue is. Traditionally, the bride's parents are the hosts of the party. Period. And if they contributed financially and the groom's parents did not, that makes the decision about wording even more simple.

Meg1979

Okay, well, I think you all gave really good advice.  I think we're just going to go with the Together with our parents thing.  It will save feelings on either side and will be friendlier.  Each side gets represented and we can call it a day.  Thanks!   

PharmacyBride

If I was your parents.. I would be offended... they are getting credit for something they are not a part of.

My parents are contributing what they could afford and same with his parents.  One is twice as much as the other, and both less than the 2 of us... but I am still counting them both as hosts.

If however.. only one family was contributing.. I would think it would be rude to list both as hosts.  This is just my opinion though!

ADDED: I think listing them after your FI's name as "son as FIs parents" is a good way to include them.  Listing them as a host just bothers me because it is inaccurate.

tenofcups4me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-28?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2764b1a0-99d2-4627-a9bb-b05bcd5dcc29Post:f334707d-24f7-42a2-a4e8-b04003355cfc">Re: Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitations : way to start a marriage. good idea.
Posted by angie74[/QUOTE]

Seriously?

I have a great relationship with my ILs. I regularly recommend people try to accommodate their ILs on here and "son of" or "together with their parents" is the default I always recommend. But if her ILs are giving her as hard a time as she implies and aren't paying anything, there's no etiquette rule that requires they're included on the invitation.

stacy&tige

We went back and forth with this too. His parents are contributing anything but in the end we decided to do "son of X and Y Lastname."  We didn't mention to his parents that it was worded this way. They just received the invite in the mail yesterday and I can't tell you how excited his mother was that we chose to include them. It made her day. When all is said and done its not necessarily about who's paying. They are his parents and they should be noted. Its not the 1950s and it doesn't hurt anyone to include both sets.

"Proper Etiquette" be damned!!!

reddy123

I don't know, if the IL's don't support the wedding at all (emotionally), "Together with their parents" is implying the IL's will be hosts as well, which is fine if they want to smile and play nice, but if they just want to be guests I agree with Pharmacy, it seems a little unfair to your parents.

noodle_oo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-28?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2764b1a0-99d2-4627-a9bb-b05bcd5dcc29Post:538b8c3f-cdd4-486e-886b-6260e1b3373f">Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]   My FI's parents <strong>have not contributed a dime</strong> to the wedding.  They have <strong>given us a gift for the honeymoon</strong>, but the rest is between us and my parents.   P.S. Edit--I'm not really THAT bitter that his mom and dad aren't contributing.  I know they aren't obligated.  He's their only son and it would help us out.  A lot. 
Posted by Meg1979[/QUOTE]

Wow, you sound ungrateful!  They are paying for your honeymoon, be thankful for that. 

We're paying for our whole wedding, RD, and honeymoon ourselves.  Sure, money from anyone would "have helped us out a lot", but I would <strong>never </strong>say something like this about anyone.  No one HAS to pay for your wedding but you.  Be gracious and include your FI's parents on the invite.

Knittibell

Mr. and Mrs. your parents invite you to the wedding of their daughter

Your name

to

Fi's name

Son of Mr. and Mrs. Fi's parents name

Clearly shows your parents are hosting, but also gives a nod to the FILS.

cjohnsen2010

On our wedding invitations, which were engraved and very formal, it said Mr. and Mrs. John Smith invite you to the marriage of their daughter (name) to Mr. (name).

On the rehearsal invitations, which his parents hosted, it had their name as hosted by...

and everybody in our group gets along extremely well!  I vote for the person who's hosting it be on the invitation.