+1 for Attendants

mandarific

So I'm in the early stages of figuring out my guest list, and I'm curious - is it okay to allow your best man/maid of honor to have a +1, but not your other attendants?

We're trying to keep it small and none of our other prospective attendants really have anyone that's not a flavor of the month at the moment, or anyone we really know personally, aside from one guy.

On that note, just while I'm asking - is it rude to invite only one groomsman's +1 if the girlfriend is a mutual friend of ours, but not allow other attendants to bring someone "random"?

Obviously not sending out invites for awhile yet, so no need for snark, but I'd still like to figure out how many people I can expect to have to invite to form our budget.

ohwhynot

In a year, every one of them might have a SO.  In any event, it is a courteous thing to do - as wadingmoose pointed out, they're investing a lot to be in your wedding.  I'd give them all +1.

ETA:  I'll decide if there's a need for snark, thankyouverymuch. 

parker624

I don't think you have to if they are not in a serious relationship.  Our rule was no +1's invited (bridal party or otherwise) if you are not in a, as Patty Stanger puts it, a "committed monogamous relationship."  I think that is fair for everyone.

andy71781

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2771a607-a56e-4041-8e07-de9207f5044cPost:7f40cc69-a281-46bc-9db4-4060d1bd879c">Re: +1 for Attendants</a>:
[QUOTE]In a year, every one of them might have a SO.  In any event, it is a courteous thing to do - as wadingmoose pointed out, they're investing a lot to be in your wedding.  I'd give them all +1. ETA:  I'll decide if there's a need for snark, thankyouverymuch. 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

<div>This - and I defer to own's decision re: snark.</div>

SteffanyF

If someone is in a committed relationship, you can choose to invite your attendant and their girlfriend/boyfriend (as in, put the girlfriend/boyfriend's name on the invite) if you want to keep it small. There is really no need to give anyone a "plus 1" blanket invite at all.

bel138

I think the knot ate my post. It'll probably turn up on some crazy unrelated board. Anyway, what I said...

This board seems to be all about how your attendants' only duties are to show up and support you. So I think that saying that AND that they should be given a +1 because they're doing sooo much are contradictory notions. So I didn't give them any. Their SO's were of course invited, but not +1s.

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2771a607-a56e-4041-8e07-de9207f5044cPost:ff21ab5c-2c6a-4b17-9f00-c80bfdc1f504">Re: +1 for Attendants</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the knot ate my post. It'll probably turn up on some crazy unrelated board. Anyway, what I said... This board seems to be all about how your attendants' only duties are to show up and support you. So I think that saying that AND that they should be given a +1 because they're doing sooo much are contradictory notions. So I didn't give them any. Their SO's were of course invited, but not +1s.
Posted by bel138[/QUOTE]

I don't think it's contradictory at all.  Being in a bp typically involves, at the very least, buying a dress not of your choice/renting a tux and contributing in some way to pre-wedding parties (not required, but still often done).   In addition, they are supposed to be your closest friends/family who are emotionally invested in making sure you have a nice wedding day; I think that warrants a +1.

mandarific

[QUOTE] This board seems to be all about how your attendants' only duties are to show up and support you. So I think that saying that AND that they should be given a +1 because they're doing sooo much are contradictory notions.
Posted by bel138[/QUOTE]

This is kind of exactly what I was thinking... besides that, our attendants travel to visit us constantly, so travelling for the wedding isn't exactly going to be some big dramatic feat of friendship, lol.

Thanks for the tips - I actually didn't consider the option of "Only inviting significant others" and not giving everyone a blanket +1, that will probably be the route I take. :)

Despite the length of time before invites get sent out, some of these folks don't have a very good dating track record so I'm not anticipating that to change much over the next year, haha :) This is mostly for budgeting purposes anyway.

emilyinchile

It would be nice to offer them all +1s. If you can't, then I would just invite any SOs as you would for all guests. I don't think letting only the honor attendants have +1s is a good idea though.

lgeldermann

"This board seems to be all about how your attendants' only duties are to show up and support you. So I think that saying that AND that they should be given a +1 because they're doing sooo much are contradictory notions."

I wholeheartedly agree.  Frankly, I find the tone of a lot of posts relating to the BP to be quite mean and harsh.  A lot of people are actually HONORED to be chosen as part of the wedding party, look upon it as a nice thing the bride has done for THEM, or even expect to be chosen.  In return for "showing up" and "buying a dress" (again, according to these boards, their only duties), they get to hold a place of honor at the event and a gift from the bride/groom.  Not every bride is a "bridezilla" deserving of a lecture on these boards. 

All of that is to say, I think it is COMPLETELY okay and in the spirit of the occasion if only significant others are invited, especially if there are a lot of single people invited.  

melissamc2

I believe that members of the wedding party get a +1, regardless of their current dating situation.

I don't care if one of our wedding party wants to pull a Pretty Woman, they are putting in time, money, and effort on our wedding and we should at least extend the courtesy of allowing them to have a guest of THEIR choosing with them.