When does the bride cross the line?

darkoa1

Hello All...

      My fiance and I are getting married next year. We have been invited to be apart of two weddings this year- one of which is my cousin's wedding, the other is my fiance's friend. We are extremely excited and honored to be apart of both of their weddings however; my cousin is making this experience a terrible one. 

Just a little background information: 

1)She lives approximately 10 hours away from me and the other bridesmaids(with the exception of one who lives in the same state as her).

2)She chose expensive unappealing bridesmaids dresses (which the bridesmaids are responsible for the costs and alterations of the dresses; we are also responsible for mailing the dresses back to her-because she is afraid we will forget the dress) IN ADDITION, we just received the dresses 1wk ago, the wedding is next week and we are responsible for alterations. 

3)We were first told that she will be responsible for jewelry and she just informed us that she can not spend $20 for each bridesmaids (6 of us) jewelry so we have two weeks to purchase jewelry that is not to short, not to long, not to wide, no pearls, not to small...

4)She got mad at one of the bridesmaids who reside in the same state with her because the bridesmaid did not want to drive her around to complete her errands. She told the bridesmaid "I'm the bride you are the maid, you need to take me around."

5)She chose a straight-hair-do for the bridesmaids because she is wearing a curly hair-style and she does not want any of the bridesmaids "looking cutier" than her. 

***My question is how far is to far? When does the bride cross the line?

ootmother2

sorry, I laughed when I read that

IMO, she crossed several lines

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-cross-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:277ec842-5cf3-4ff9-b21e-e9fd6eb04510Post:a125bb23-2908-44ea-8f9f-e5c906f12332">When does the bride cross the line?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello All...       My fiance and I are getting married next year. We have been invited to be apart of two weddings this year- one of which is my cousin's wedding, the other is my fiance's friend. We are extremely excited and honored to be apart of both of their weddings however; my cousin is making this experience a terrible one.  Just a little background information:  1)She lives approximately 10 hours away from me and the other bridesmaids(with the exception of one who lives in the same state as her). 2)She chose expensive unappealing bridesmaids dresses (which the bridesmaids are responsible for the costs and alterations of the dresses<strong>; we are also responsible for mailing the dresses back to her-because she is afraid we will forget the dress) </strong>IN ADDITION, we just received the dresses 1wk ago, the wedding is next week and we are responsible for alterations.  3)We were first told that she will be responsible for jewelry and she just informed us that she can not spend $20 for each bridesmaids (6 of us) jewelry so we have two weeks to purchase jewelry that is not to short, not to long, not to wide, no pearls, not to small... 4)She got mad at one of the bridesmaids who reside in the same state with her because the bridesmaid did not want to drive her around to complete her errands. She told the bridesmaid <strong>"I'm the bride you are the maid, you need to take me around." </strong>5)S<strong>he chose a straight-hair-do for the bridesmaids because she is wearing a curly hair-style and she does not want any of the bridesmaids "looking cutier" than her.</strong>  ***My question is how far is to far? When does the bride cross the line?
Posted by darkoa1[/QUOTE]

<div>At all these points. </div><div>
</div><div>Honestly, I would just wear no jewelry. If the dress is that bad, no one is going to notice jewelry.</div>

mica178

I don't know when, but it appears that your cousin already did.

SilverLining1

Ugh. There are so many crossed lines. She sounds delightful.

jferlenda

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-cross-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:277ec842-5cf3-4ff9-b21e-e9fd6eb04510Post:a125bb23-2908-44ea-8f9f-e5c906f12332">When does the bride cross the line?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello All...       My fiance and I are getting married next year. We have been invited to be apart of two weddings this year- one of which is my cousin's wedding, the other is my fiance's friend. We are extremely excited and honored to be apart of both of their weddings however; my cousin is making this experience a terrible one.  Just a little background information:  1)She lives approximately 10 hours away from me and the other bridesmaids(with the exception of one who lives in the same state as her). 2)She chose expensive unappealing bridesmaids dresses (which the bridesmaids are responsible for the costs and alterations of the dresses; we are also responsible for mailing the dresses back to her-because she is afraid we will forget the dress) IN ADDITION, we just received the dresses 1wk ago, the wedding is next week and we are responsible for alterations.  3)We were first told that she will be responsible for jewelry and she just informed us that she can not spend $20 for each bridesmaids (6 of us) jewelry so we have two weeks to purchase jewelry that is not to short, not to long, not to wide, no pearls, not to small... 4)She got mad at one of the bridesmaids who reside in the same state with her because the bridesmaid did not want to drive her around to complete her errands. She told the bridesmaid <strong>"I'm the bride you are the maid, you need to take me around." </strong>5)She chose a straight-hair-do for the bridesmaids because she is wearing a curly hair-style and she does not want any of the bridesmaids "looking cutier" than her.  ***My question is how far is to far? When does the bride cross the line?
Posted by darkoa1[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Wow.  My mouth hit the floor when I read this part.</div><div>
</div><div>Your cousin crossed many, many lines.

</div>

meep2

I would have so much respect for the in-state BM if she showed up to the rehearsal dinner in a French maid costume from Halloween or something and said "What? You said I'm a maid. You didn't say bridesmaid."

SilverLining1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-cross-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:277ec842-5cf3-4ff9-b21e-e9fd6eb04510Post:d93f2bbb-5b2a-41ca-af23-f5fed2133211">Re: When does the bride cross the line?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would have so much respect for the in-state BM if she showed up to the rehearsal dinner in a French maid costume from Halloween or something and said "What? You said I'm a maid. You didn't say bridesmaid ."
Posted by meep2[/QUOTE]

<div>YES.</div>

cac7777

To quote another clever knottie, "Holy rude, Batman."

SharonWes0624

HOLY (insert nasty word here)!!  Who does this girl think she is?  I feel bad for the groom.  I agree with Champagne and meep2.  I can't stand brides like this.  Obviously she is extremely insecure to have you girls in ugly and unflatttering clothing- not to mention the hair.  I know this sounds super cliche- but what a bridezilla.  LIterally.  I def would drop out, save yourself the day-of heartache, and migraine.

leia1979

I thought maybe your cousin was auditioning for "Bridezillas."

The line was crossed so long ago, it's not even visible anymore.

Uumpabo1

I couldn't agree more w/ all of the previous posters... She didn't cross the line she burnt that s.o.b yowser I'd probably sprain an ankle the day before and not be able to make that flight

futurepivko

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-cross-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:277ec842-5cf3-4ff9-b21e-e9fd6eb04510Post:a125bb23-2908-44ea-8f9f-e5c906f12332">When does the bride cross the line?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello All...       My fiance and I are getting married next year. We have been invited to be apart of two weddings this year- one of which is my cousin's wedding, the other is my fiance's friend. We are extremely excited and honored to be apart of both of their weddings however; my cousin is making this experience a terrible one.  Just a little background information:  1)She lives approximately 10 hours away from me and the other bridesmaids(with the exception of one who lives in the same state as her). 2)She chose expensive unappealing bridesmaids dresses (which the bridesmaids are responsible for the costs and alterations of the dresses; we are also responsible for mailing the dresses back to her-because she is afraid we will forget the dress) IN ADDITION, we just received the dresses 1wk ago, the wedding is next week and we are responsible for alterations.  3)We were first told that she will be responsible for jewelry and she just informed us that she can not spend $20 for each bridesmaids (6 of us) jewelry so we have two weeks to purchase jewelry that is not to short, not to long, not to wide, no pearls, not to small...<strong> 4)She got mad at one of the bridesmaids who reside in the same state with her because the bridesmaid did not want to drive her around to complete her errands. She told the bridesmaid "I'm the bride you are the maid, you need to take me around." </strong>5)She chose a straight-hair-do for the bridesmaids because she is wearing a curly hair-style and she does not want any of the bridesmaids "looking cutier" than her.  ***My question is how far is to far? When does the bride cross the line?
Posted by darkoa1[/QUOTE]


i'd slap her in the face.


im in a wedding in october and i thought SHE was bad...wowww

jerseydevil

Wow. That sucks. Sorry you have to deal with that, but to answer your question, she has zig-zagged all over the line so much at this point that the question of "when" seems completely irrelevant.

Milsey32

Please alter your dress to be skanky short, show up late, and don't wear jewerly. Don't "curl" your hair... but waves wouldn't hurt.

Habs2Hart

That bride is so far past the line, the line is a dot to her.

I second the BM showing up in a french maid's costume.  She would win for sure!

darkoa1

I love all of your responses, very funny, lol! I thought I have been over reacting all this time!! One thing that I forgot to add is that she mailed FI and I our invitation however it never made it to us. When I told her about it, she stated "fool me once, shame on you..fool me twice shame on me." Three weeks later, I received a call from her stating that her FI just confessed to "forgetting to mail our invitiation." 

---> Would it be wrong for me to back out now? The wedding is next week...I am extremely stressed and upset with her nonsense and I live over 10hrs away...I can only imagine, how stressed and upset I will be when I get down there!!

slwager

perhaps recommend that she come to the etiquette board to vent about how terrible her BMs are to her. 

darkoa1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-cross-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:277ec842-5cf3-4ff9-b21e-e9fd6eb04510Post:f06d8511-7a94-4449-a6c8-29abca0777a9">Re: When does the bride cross the line?</a>:
[QUOTE]perhaps recommend that she come to the etiquette board to vent about how terrible her BMs are to her.  :)
Posted by slwager[/QUOTE]

<div>Just a little FYI the bride actually told me (not the other bridesmaid) "that she is the maid not the bride and that it is her duty to to act as the maid and cater to her." I believe that as brides we have to be mindful of our "maids" and we should not treat them as such just because of the historic name. One can ultimately ruin their day but moreover loose alot of relationships due to such behavior and attitude.</div><div>
</div><div> slwager, I have a question for you: How would you respond if you were placed in a situation like this?</div>

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-cross-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:277ec842-5cf3-4ff9-b21e-e9fd6eb04510Post:93b5877a-dec5-47de-9773-7c46f677aa6b">Re: When does the bride cross the line?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When does the bride cross the line? : Just a little FYI the bride actually told me (not the other bridesmaid) "that she is the maid not the bride and that it is her duty to to act as the maid and cater to her." I believe that as brides we have to be mindful of our "maids" and <strong>we should not treat them as such just because of the historic name</strong>. One can ultimately ruin their day but moreover loose alot of relationships due to such behavior and attitude.  slwager, I have a question for you: How would you respond if you were placed in a situation like this?
Posted by darkoa1[/QUOTE]

<div>It really refers to "maiden" as in an unmarried woman more than a maid in the sense of service. Brides get that twisted alllll the time. Even though many BMs are married, the name stuck anyway, except of course for matron of honor. I have never heard of bride matrons though. </div>

The Mel and Todd Show

Tell her you're not buying the jewelry.  She'll probably kick you out and then you won't have to worry about it. 

slwager

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-cross-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:277ec842-5cf3-4ff9-b21e-e9fd6eb04510Post:93b5877a-dec5-47de-9773-7c46f677aa6b">Re: When does the bride cross the line?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When does the bride cross the line? : Just a little FYI the bride actually told me (not the other bridesmaid) "that she is the maid not the bride and that it is her duty to to act as the maid and cater to her." I believe that as brides we have to be mindful of our "maids" and we should not treat them as such just because of the historic name. One can ultimately ruin their day but moreover loose alot of relationships due to such behavior and attitude.  <strong>slwager, I have a question for you: How would you respond if you were placed in a situation like this?
</strong>Posted by darkoa1[/QUOTE]

I love you and that's why i agreed to be in your wedding party.  I expected to buy a dress based on a budget which we discussed.  as much as i care about you your demands are unreasonable and i'm not comfortable with them.  please reconsider a, b, & c.

darkoa1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-cross-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:277ec842-5cf3-4ff9-b21e-e9fd6eb04510Post:682b0099-1777-4b68-a028-541db3e6cc79">Re: When does the bride cross the line?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When does the bride cross the line? : I love you and that's why i agreed to be in your wedding party.  I expected to buy a dress based on a budget which we discussed.  as much as i care about you your demands are unreasonable and i'm not comfortable with them.  please reconsider a, b, & c.
Posted by slwager[/QUOTE]

<div>I love your response! However, she never discussed a budget with the bridesmaids...since it is her wedding, she chose the dresses without consulting the costs with us. I'm more curious to know how you would deal with the other issues i.e being called a maid and being expected to act as such, ect. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-sealed.gif" border="0" alt="Sealed" title="Sealed" /></div>

bbrown185

She sounds like an absolute joy to be around...  She leaped over that line quite some time ago

sarah0725

I kinda feel like at this point, you're so close to the actual date and things are already bought, so you might as well go through with it. Just try to treat the whole thing as a comedy rather than a tragedy. Your cousin is clearly bonkers, but hopefully she will come back to earth after her SPECIAL DAY is over.

Bubbalub

I agree with Sarah (I usually do!) At this point it's only a week away and she is family. I would just suck it up, get through it, then laugh my ass off about it later with my girlfriends.

It's stories like these that make me glad that I've never actually been in anyone's wedding but my own!

missy68

Call the show Bridezillas, and offer her up as one of their subjects?

Milsey32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-cross-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:277ec842-5cf3-4ff9-b21e-e9fd6eb04510Post:e84a6c86-6108-4075-afa4-2c4fde2fc700">Re: When does the bride cross the line?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When does the bride cross the line? : I love your response! However, <strong>she never discussed a budget with the bridesmaids...since it is her wedding, </strong>she chose the dresses without consulting the costs with us. I'm more curious to know how you would deal with the other issues i.e being called a maid and being expected to act as such, ect. 
Posted by darkoa1[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>How delightful.</div>