should i invites cousins sister

soontobehasrouni

So my family lives all over, and my cousin T lives in nashville. i go down there from time to time to see him but havent gone in the last few years. he has a sister and stepmom over in colorado. i really only talk to them on FB and thats when they comment on my stuff...theres never a phone call or even emails between us really. My family isnt super close.

Would it be wrong to invite T, but not his sister who lives in colorado? him and his sister arent super close either

theres a lot of people id like to invite but cant, and im hoping that since its OOT, once the announcements go out, people wont feel as funny for not have being invited. Figure ill just say on the announcment something about a close intimate ceremony, wish everyone could have came, blah blah blah,

I havent gone down to nashville in a couple of years, and dont tak to travis on the phone either. i usually just call and tell him im coming down. should i even invite him? or just send an announcement

seesawgirl

Here's how you do this, its really easy. You ask yourself "In 20 years, when I look back at my wedding photos, will I sad/disapointed to not see his or her face?" You also ask yourself "Will it cause irreparable damage in our relationship if I don't invite them?"

If the answer to both of those questions is yes or maybe, you invite them. If the answer is no, you don't. 

Dont feel guilty, or obligated to invite people. It's a wedding, not a family reunion, and if you're already having to cut people that are close to you to stay under budget, there is no reason to fill that seat with someone that you aren't that close to. 

soontobehasrouni

Im going to put both of them on a B list. if there is room, theyll get a formal invite


In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-invites-cousins-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27f1c45a-0553-42b6-b95d-b8cfbc1f5d75Post:0123bfe6-2776-479d-a2c3-f3773f67f8e6">Re: should i invites cousins sister</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's how you do this, its really easy. You ask yourself "In 20 years, when I look back at my wedding photos, will I sad/disapointed to not see his or her face?" You also ask yourself "Will it cause irreparable damage in our relationship if I don't invite them?" If the answer to both of those questions is yes or maybe, you invite them. If the answer is no, you don't.  Dont feel guilty, or obligated to invite people. It's a wedding, not a family reunion, and if you're already having to cut people that are close to you to stay under budget, there is no reason to fill that seat with someone that you aren't that close to. 
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]

TaraMc728

If you are not close w/them and already made cuts from others you want to invite, then you do not need to worry about it.

seesawgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-invites-cousins-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27f1c45a-0553-42b6-b95d-b8cfbc1f5d75Post:4d8d4d51-008f-43a5-9bf1-0f76272243cc">Re: should i invites cousins sister</a>:
[QUOTE]Im going to put both of them on a B list. if there is room, theyll get a formal invite In Response to Re: should i invites cousins sister :
Posted by soontobehasrouni[/QUOTE]

<div>Be careful with this. They would probably know they were B listed, and would most likely be more offended than if you just explained that it was a small wedding, and you only invited local/immediate family. </div>

Habs2Hart

Do not B-list anybody, unless you have "must haves" and "maybes" on two lists that eventually get combined and ALL invitations go out at the same time.

aragx6

I would not suggest doing a B list. You will hurt a lot of feelings. Invite who you can invite and call it a day.

tirathemrs

Girl do your B list dont listen to them...i think thats a perfect plan you go girl lol

seesawgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-invites-cousins-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27f1c45a-0553-42b6-b95d-b8cfbc1f5d75Post:da1eabdc-0e53-43d4-8d23-90520b2bd4f4">Re: should i invites cousins sister</a>:
[QUOTE]Girl do your B list dont listen to them...i think thats a perfect plan you go girl lol
Posted by misstira[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Uuuuh. No. This is bad advice, OP. </div><div>
</div><div>Think about the logistics of this.</div><div>- I'm assuming that your family would need to take time off work, right? Most employers require at least 30 days notice to take off. </div><div>-Your RSVP date shouldn't be any closer than a week before the deadline that your venue or caterer has given you for a final headcount, which in my case was 48 hours before the wedding.</div><div> -Most of your RSVP's will not come in until last minute, and that's if you don't have to call half your guests because they didn't send theirs in. </div><div>
</div><div>So basically, you're looking at sending an invite to people who live out of state, around 2 weeks before your wedding, and hoping that they A)Don't put two and two together and realize they were B-listed B)That they can get off work and C) That they just happen to have enough money on hand to either fly or drive a long distance. Many people need time to save up for a trip like that. </div><div>If I was your cousins, I wouldn't care if we'd been super-duper close, there's no way I could swing a trip in two weeks. </div><div>
</div><div>If you do this, you will come off as being rude, and possibly gift grabby, because common sense tells you the things that I just mentioned, so, knowing that they probably wouldn't be able to make it, it would look like you were just sending an invite so they would send you a gift. </div>

pkontk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-invites-cousins-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27f1c45a-0553-42b6-b95d-b8cfbc1f5d75Post:da1eabdc-0e53-43d4-8d23-90520b2bd4f4">Re: should i invites cousins sister</a>:
[QUOTE]Girl do your B list dont listen to them...i think thats a perfect plan you go girl lol
Posted by misstira[/QUOTE]

Perfect plan if she wants to insult her guests and make it obvious that they were not her first choices.

tirathemrs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-invites-cousins-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27f1c45a-0553-42b6-b95d-b8cfbc1f5d75Post:9dbab245-23be-45ca-ab3b-458d4589d546">Re: should i invites cousins sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should i invites cousins sister : Perfect plan if she wants to insult her guests and make it obvious that they were not her first choices.
Posted by pkontk[/QUOTE]
 <div>Exactly i mean it is HER DAY not theirs...</div>

pkontk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-invites-cousins-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27f1c45a-0553-42b6-b95d-b8cfbc1f5d75Post:47235378-4901-4d60-b4ef-3e30b05b0088">Re: should i invites cousins sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should i invites cousins sister :   Exactly i mean it is HER DAY not theirs...
Posted by misstira[/QUOTE]

I very much dislike people justifying poor behavior with the "Its my day" excuse.  As soon as you invite people to an event, wedding, christening, birthday party, whatever, it ceases to be all about you.

seesawgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-invites-cousins-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27f1c45a-0553-42b6-b95d-b8cfbc1f5d75Post:47235378-4901-4d60-b4ef-3e30b05b0088">Re: should i invites cousins sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should i invites cousins sister :   Exactly i mean it is HER DAY not theirs...
Posted by misstira[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>And this is why we need a sarcasm font. </div><div>My aplogies, misstira, if my reply to your first post offended you. I thought you were being serious. I'm glad I was wrong. </div><div>
</div>

seesawgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-invites-cousins-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27f1c45a-0553-42b6-b95d-b8cfbc1f5d75Post:f2ba202a-a807-4df9-a6e1-01c3d27b0f4a">Re: should i invites cousins sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should i invites cousins sister : I very much dislike people justifying poor behavior with the "Its my day" excuse.  As soon as you invite people to an event, wedding, christening, birthday party, whatever, it ceases to be all about you.
Posted by pkontk[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I'm fairly certain that she is being sarcastic. </div>

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-invites-cousins-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:27f1c45a-0553-42b6-b95d-b8cfbc1f5d75Post:95646b05-1e15-479d-adc2-d333b3402e36">Re: should i invites cousins sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should i invites cousins sister : I'm fairly certain that she is being sarcastic. 
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]

Really? Why? I mean maybe she is, but I definitely didn't read it that way.

pkontk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-invites-cousins-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27f1c45a-0553-42b6-b95d-b8cfbc1f5d75Post:95646b05-1e15-479d-adc2-d333b3402e36">Re: should i invites cousins sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should i invites cousins sister : I'm fairly certain that she is being sarcastic. 
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]

Right.  I clearly need another coffee!

lindsaynewbride10

OP, please do not create a B list. It's just bad form. If you don't think highly enough of your guests to put them on an "A list", then you shouldn't feel compelled to invite them at all. And then there's the chance that more than likely, they'll know they were B-listed. It's just a bad idea.

aragx6

I'm confused and I blame the Knot.

seesawgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-invites-cousins-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27f1c45a-0553-42b6-b95d-b8cfbc1f5d75Post:c562423f-c3be-4761-874f-f11778ebae04">Re: should i invites cousins sister</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should i invites cousins sister : Really? Why? I mean maybe she is, but I definitely didn't read it that way.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Just the way she capitalized certain words, and all the "lols" </div>

tirathemrs

Ladies dont try to over analyze what i said.....i know what i typed and regardless of the LOL's i meant it....and again this is my opinion and i think im able to post it....

THANKS

M1ssJ

Team B list! I am sending out invitations with a 4 month buffer for my A list and a 2 month buffer for those I would like to invite but cannot due to space restrictions. For every decline I get from the A list I can afford to say someone else can come

tirathemrs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-invites-cousins-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27f1c45a-0553-42b6-b95d-b8cfbc1f5d75Post:8aa4b4be-532d-4968-9ac9-ace16d5764b1">Re: should i invites cousins sister</a>:
[QUOTE]Team B list! I am sending out invitations with a 4 month buffer for my A list and a 2 month buffer for those I would like to invite but cannot due to space restrictions. For every decline I get from the A list I can afford to say someone else can come
Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]

<div>Thats whats up huney see u understand the A List B List issue...</div>

soontobehasrouni

oh ish....i forget to mention the wedding is out of town, therefore invites are going out super early anyway, and even b list invites will go out super early


In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-invites-cousins-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27f1c45a-0553-42b6-b95d-b8cfbc1f5d75Post:8aa4b4be-532d-4968-9ac9-ace16d5764b1">Re: should i invites cousins sister</a>:
[QUOTE]Team B list! I am sending out invitations with a 4 month buffer for my A list and a 2 month buffer for those I would like to invite but cannot due to space restrictions. For every decline I get from the A list I can afford to say someone else can come
Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]

aragx6

Why would you send out invitations early because the wedding is OOT? You will only end up with more people to call once your deadline has passed, i promise. It's rude to expect people to know their schedules so far in advance.

There is some seriously bad advice being thrown around in this thread.

dumdumfroggie

Wow.  This alternate TK universe has horrible advice givers.

B lists are rude and against etiquette, sorry, no exceptions.

Invitations should go out between 6-8 weeks before the event.  Not 4 months in advance.  Most people don't plan their lives that far out.

Yes, horrible advice givers, you are entitled to your opinion, however, correct etiquette advice should be given on the etiquette board.  B lists are against this.

OP, you're not obligated to invite your cousin.  However, if she is the only cousin you are not inviting, I would suck it up and do so to avoid family drama.

salt78

B lists are rude. Don't do it.

button6004

How would you feel if you got an invite knowing that you werent cool enough for the "A" list?  Its rude and inappropriate and will upset people.  It's not an issue, its a clear-cut rude thing to do.

salt78

B lists are rude. Don't do it.

CaseynMike

Ok so I am having my reception at a place that requires final head count and final payment 90 days prior to the event...So what am I to do?? I am going to have to have a buffer time for my invites because I wil be adhering to my reception hall rules and have my final payment and headcount in 90 days PRIOR to my wedding...

aragx6

I can't believe any legitimate venue would do that. I would never have signed a contract like that.

EK2013

Let me tell you a quick cautionary tale about B lists:

A coworker is planning an October wedding; Her RSVP date was July 1st (in order to accomodate a B list).

Here's what happened: They got pretty much exactly the right number of yes RSVPs from their A list, one set of parents have been hounding the couple about their B list guests for over a month, and have only been able to extend a few invitations here or there to VIP significant others who missed the A list somehow.

AND now they have three months for A list guests to realize they can't make it (fire, flood, act of God, fired, hired, whatever) and change answers on them.