ODD question came up today about a possible funeral

randi walter

OK, so today my fiance reminded me that his grandfather was sick and this COULD be his last Christmas. He then asked me that if Grandpa should pass away near our 10/10/2010 wedding, what would we do? (Cancel/postpone or continue with plans). I told him not to worry about that right now because we have no idea what is going to happen. But  I was thinking if it was my grandpa, not sure I could continue as planned if he died close to my wedding date. so SHOULD this happen, do we postpone the wedding? And if so, how much flack are we gonna get from the venue, caterers, etc.

ggmae

Think of it this way - would his grandfather want you to postpone the wedding because of him? I know that our grandparents wouldn't have wanted us to do that if something had happened to them before the wedding.

EDIT - And it's not an odd question, really. I thought about what would happen too, since DH's grandmother was in very bad shape at the time. Thankfully, she has since bounced back and is doing better. But I asked myself "Would she want us to postpone the wedding for her?" and she would have told us we were silly to even think that!

thesuninherhead

I don't think it's an odd question either, but I agree with the above- don't postpone. There is always the possibility of something like that happening, but I think you've just got to decide between the two of you if you would be happy to go forward anyway. You could postpone only to find that someone else gets sick/people can't make it etc... thus I would lean towards just going ahead as planned.

playtntsbpg30

I think I would go on as to grandparents or any loved one would want you to continue. If it was the day of, or the day of the funeral, I think I may postpone it altogether. That is very tricky.

I too agree with what GG said.. and what Cham. said about the vendors.

anna.oskar

My father is/was quite ill on our wedding day.  Weeks previous to the day, he made sure I knew that postponing due to his health or potential death was not an option.  He told me that:  "A marriage is a celebration of life.  To stop that to mourn death would be an insult to Love itself".

sucrets4

Yeah, unless he passes away the week before, I see no reason to postpone.  If it was the week before, then I think the first family priority should be the funeral and you probably wouldn't want to have them that close.  But it's totally your choice - I would never judge someone for going ahead with their wedding that was planned a year in advance.

squirrly

That's a very personal decision.  For us, we would willingly move our wedding up to accomodate an ailing family member who might not be able to attend otherwise.  But we wouldn't postpone.  We thought we had crossed that hurdle, as my ill grandfather passed away earlier this year (actually, our wedding will be the anniversary of his funeral), but FBIL was diagnosed with cancer last week.  (Things look good, but we'll know more in a few weeks.)

A good friend of mine from college got married the first September after we graduated.  Unfortunately, her youngest brother was very sick with lukemia at the time she got engaged, and they really had no idea what to expect.  He passed away about a month before the wedding, and planning the wedding for that first month after his passing was the only thing that kept their mom together, she said.

Everyone deals with that situation differently.  As for how to deal with your vendors - I would talk with them as soon as you and your FI have agreed on your desired approach, and let them know the possibility exists.  Ask what their policy is (if it's not spelled out in your contracts), or if they would be willing to have a more flexible policy for you, given your situation.

lyndausvi

This is not an odd question.  Everyone is different.

Personally I think the only reason I would have postponed the wedding is if the death was only days before the wedding.  I'm not even sure about that (it would depend on the person)

My family celebrates life and does not mourn death.  I can't think of anyone that would want us to cancel our wedding and the next chapter of our lives together because they died.

kristinanddan

Not an odd question at all. As we moved toward our wedding date, both of my grandparents along with DH's grandma fell ill. My grandfather passed away in May, and my grandmother was not doing well right up until the wedding. She actually passed away the day of the wedding, but only my dad knew about it at the time. The big question for us was whether or not to go on our honeymoon (and miss the funeral). We ended up going, and in the end I'm glad that we did.

dianenjnj

wedding insurance...then you will have the freedom to choose exactly what you really want to do and not worrying about the financial bind you would be in.   i wouldn't depend on the vendors being that understanding.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_odd-question-came-up-today-possible-funeral?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:280e2a23-a936-42aa-8e11-486dc5c700e1Post:da8eb4e0-a9a8-435d-a1e5-fd2a60637bef">Re: ODD question came up today about a possible funeral</a>:
[QUOTE]wedding insurance...then you will have the freedom to choose exactly what you really want to do and not worrying about the financial bind you would be in.   i wouldn't depend on the vendors being that understanding.
Posted by dianenjnj[/QUOTE]

If they're already sick, the wedding insurance may consider that a pre-existing condition.  Also, many wedding insurance policies only cover illness or death of the bride or groom.  Please review any policy very, very carefully. 

iamjoesgurl

Anna - I love your dad.  What an awesome thing to say.

Randi - Since it is so far away, I would wait some time to see what happens.  It is good to think about what you might do, but don't worry too much.  Sadly, it could happen with any of your family or your friends.  If it does happen, you'll know what to do.  Your heart will tell you what is the right thing to do.

ebswedding

Sadly, my fiance's father passed away very suddenly at the beginning of the month, and we're getting married on the 31st. So, this is something we've had to deal with VERY recently. 

First of all, because we're Jewish we could not cancel or postpone the marriage itself.  If my FIL had passed away this week, we would have had to cancel all of the festivities surrounding the wedding and had a family only ceremony, but by Jewish law we would have had to proceed with the marriage. 

I did mention postponing the wedding, but everyone in my fiance's family insisted that we go ahead with everything as planned.  Not only because that's what their Dad would have wanted, but everyone really needed something happy to look forward to.

Also by Jewish law, if/when a wedding procession and a funeral procession cross paths in a town, the wedding procession always has right of way because life takes precedence over death.  Granted, that particular piece of religious law is very antiquated.  But the sentiment I think is important, life should always be celebrated over death.

Obviously, this is a decision that you and your fiance need to make together and according to your own comfort level.  But remember, even in times of tragedy, it's ok to feel joy and happiness.

Hope that helps...

katiewhompus

I would keep going as planned and hope for the best. I would imagine most vendors wouldn't be asses about a death in the family though.'

My mothers dad has been sick (bedridden in a hospital) for the last 3 years. When mom told her mother about our wedding date she goes "Oh well your father could go at any time, I think Kristi should get married in 2010". Mom goes "While I respect that thought, dad has been on the verge of passing for 2 years and we're going ahead as planned". (My family does not get along with my maternal grandparents. They have ignored me or purposefully snubbed me my entire life so I was not postponing a wedding they already said they would never attend anyways)

Sure enough, he died at 9pm on my wedding day, about the time the reception was winding up.

Theresa626

I think you should not postpone. If it happened the week of the wedding, they could have the funeral the sunday or monday after the wedding.  You shouldn't postpone for the same reasons everyone else listed here.  Your grandparent wouldn't want you to.  At my cousin's wedding, our grandpa died on the way from the ceremony to the reception.  They put him in the hospital on life support.  No one told her or said anything about it and my aunt left the reception for about an hour to be with him then came  back.  after the reception, my aunt subtly spread the word and everyone went to the hospital to say their good byes before they had to pull the plug.  They did not tell my cousin until the next morning before she was to leave on her honey moon.  She was very upset but they still went on their honeymoon. No one thought they shouldn't have gone on the honeymoon.  Everyone wanted their wedding day to be as happy as possible and didn't want to overshadow it with what happened.