Guests Paying For Bachelorette Party

amanda1611t

I've been back and forth on this idea all night. I know a few people who have requested guests pay to attend the Bachelorette party.

For me it would be $30-$40 pp. We are getting the penthouse suite in AC, getting food from PF changs, hanging out, playing games etc.

The charge pp would pay for the food and the charge for the room. it's BYOB.

Is this wrong of myself and my bridal party to ask? I've been it done before but I dont want to be rude.

If this is something that is done, how do we word that on the invitation?

melb2013

Let me just get this clear- you are inviting people not in the WP to the bachelorette party and you want them to pay to attend the party?  I'm not trying to be smart, really just a little unclear.  I've never been to a bachelorette party where anyone other than the WP was invited.

Assuming this is what you are asking, I'd be annoyed if I had to pay my own way to a party that I was invited to.  It was always my assumption that whoever threw the party pays for the party.  If the WP is throwing the party, then they pay for it.

Kristin789

totally agree with MELB.  I've never heard of this either...

libby2483

In my circle, it is expected that whoever attends the bachelorette party pays for their own meals and lodging. People usually take turns buying rounds of drinks. For my bachelorette party, my MOH just sent a Facebook message invitation, and she let the girls know up front that the hotel room and waterpark pass would be about 50 to 60 dollars a person. She put the room on her credit card and everyone paid her their share at the party. No one was offended by this or had any problem with it, as this is how it is done in my circle. I have done the same at all bachelorette parties that I have attended. I've also heard of situations on these boards where the hosts cover the costs for the guests. So, I guess it would depend on how things are usually done in your group. If your group is like mine, no one will have a problem with it. However, if it is common in your circle for the host to cover most costs, people could perceive it as rude.

libby2483

In Response to Re:Guests Paying For Bachelorette Party:[QUOTE]Let me just get this clear you are inviting people not in the WP to the bachelorette party and you want them to pay to attend the party? nbsp;I'm not trying to be smart, really just a little unclear. nbsp;I've never been to a bachelorette party where anyone other than the WP was invited.Assuming this is what you are asking, I'd be annoyed if I had to pay my own way to a party that I was invited to. nbsp;It was always my assumption that whoever threw the party pays for the party. nbsp;If the WP is throwing the party, then they pay for it. Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

I've never attended a bachelorette party where only the WP was invited. I've been to bachelorette parties where I wasn't in the wedding party and I've paid my own way and had no problem with it. However, like I said in my other post, this is how it is done in my circle, so things may be quite different for others.

Avion22

I've never been to a party like this either, but I always assumed that guests would be responsible for their own hotel room and meals for the duration of the trip.  As for having other guests, I don't see a problem with it if they are super-close friends, siblings, etc.  For example, I could see inviting your FSILs even if they aren't bridesmaids.

But yeah, I think the organizer is fine to expect people will pay for their own lodging.  I guess they could always find a cheaper hotel or eat/drink less if they don't want to pay that much.

amanda1611t

I've heard of people doing it where guests pay. Never heard of a party with JUST WP. It a pretty reasonable price and I cant see people saying its a problem.

How would I word this on an invite though? Dont want to sound rude.

"A contribution of $40 will make the night happen!" or something like that?

DramaGeek

In my circle, everyone is in charge of their own food/drinks and someone (or multiple someone's) covers the bride's drinks and meal.  Then again, we usually go out for BP, so it's easy for everyone to pay their own way.  When we do things at someone's house (for instance, we did a wine tasting night for one friend's BP) the hosts split the bill.

emeejeeayen

I think it totally depends on your friend group. You'd know the answer better than we would. 

divinemsbee

Some things to keep in mind: Is is $30-$40 a person if everyone shows up or is the price going to go up if you don't get the amount of people you think you will. What if all of the people you're thinking are going to come don't? Or say they are going to and don't give you money? If some people go ahead and give you (or whomever's going to be in charge of it) money and then you end up with far less people, are you going to ask for more money from the people that gave you money already, or are you going to refund them, or are you going to re-plan or is the person who used their card left holding the bag? Does that $30-$40 a person cover part of the bride's food/drink, or just the invitee's?

If you told me (and I'm one of those that's been to many b-parties where I wasn't in the wedding party but was invited to the wedding) that it would be $30-$40 for food and lodging and then I assumed that I might also kick in some for the bride, I'd be cool with that. I'd go ahead and give you money. If you came back and said now it was up to $60 because a few people turned out to not be coming, I'd probably be pretty pissed. I'd probably end up going, but I would not be happy about it. Some people would probably just either write off the money or ask for it back because it went out of their price range. Just something to know.

Storytime: A good friend of mine got married a couple of months ago. She lives in a very small town pretty close to where I live now, and her only bridal party member was her sister, who lives in MS (we live in TX). She didn't want to bring up a b-party with her sister, and I had loosely offered to get something together, I was thinking a spa day, but we both got busy, and next thing I knew she went ahead and got everything together herself. She arranged for what was supposed to be about 10 of us to go to one of those dueling piano bars, and get wristbands and a couple of free drinks as a party, and the fee was $20 a girl. She had to confirm the reservation for the party so that we would get the deal and be able to skip the line about 5 days before. She went ahead and paid it out of her own pocket under the assumption that everyone would pay her back. It ended up being only five of us going (I repaid her for myself and "paid" for her wristband as well). She lost $100 because people cancelled on her not just the day of, but said they were coming all day and then ducked out by text at the last possibly minute. We paid for her drinks all night, and paid separately for our own (actually what worked for us was taking turns buying rounds). 

That experience has made me even more antsy about putting something together that I'd be on the hook for. 

MrsGandthebeag

Just FYI: you don't plan your own b-party.  Let the WP worry about the details.  

hoffse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-paying-for-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:282717de-2267-41e7-bc14-2abc936269f5Post:19ebc85d-173d-49ee-a8fa-99c116ee7bd4">Re:Guests Paying For Bachelorette Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In my circle, it is expected that whoever attends the bachelorette party pays for their own meals and lodging. People usually take turns buying rounds of drinks. For my bachelorette party, my MOH just sent a Facebook message invitation, and she let the girls know up front that the hotel room and waterpark pass would be about 50 to 60 dollars a person. She put the room on her credit card and everyone paid her their share at the party. No one was offended by this or had any problem with it, as this is how it is done in my circle. I have done the same at all bachelorette parties that I have attended. I've also heard of situations on these boards where the hosts cover the costs for the guests. So, I guess it would depend on how things are usually done in your group. If your group is like mine, no one will have a problem with it. However, if it is common in your circle for the host to cover most costs, people could perceive it as rude.
Posted by libby2483[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is what happens in my circle as well - I'm MOH for a friend of mine getting married in december, and that's what we're doing for her bach party - which is really more of a girls day out than a bar hopping thing.  It's about $80/person, and if the wedding party covered that for all of her other friends who are coming that would be VERY expensive.

</div>

Simply_Caitlin

I've never even heard of the bride or the WP covering the costs for guests at a bachelorette pary.  I've only heard of people paying their own way and the WP usually covers the expenses for the bride.

Don't send invitations, do something less formal like word of mouth or even a facebook invite.  I agree with the PP, don't quote people a price unless that is the price regardless of who comes.  I think it's very easy to say to someone "the wedding party planned x, y and z for the b-party, it's going to be $x amount per person, if you're up for joining us that'd be awesome!"  I would never be offended by that.  I'd think oh cool she wants me to come too and I'd know exactly what's expected of me and what it's for.

LemonMeringue

This is what I'm used to as well. I've never heard of a bachelorette that was bridal party only, in fact around here it would be considered extremely rude to exclude sisters and close friends. That cost is typical but I wouldn't ask guests to bring anything *more* than that, for example if someone suggests a limo or a lingerie shower I'd speak up and say it's not necessary. 

Summer2011Bride

Around here, it's pretty common for guests to pay for their own food/drink/lodging if necessary. Usually everyone chips in to cover the bride's cost, but again, I do really think b-parties can vary so much by group or region and everyone does them differently.

I would be fine if I attended a party and the host said, "We're doing XYZ for the party and the cost would be $40/person." I would know up front what it would cost and could then decide if I wanted to attend or not. I will say that you (or ideally whoever is hosting) should run this idea by the group. If it turns out that no one wants to pay to stay in a penthouse suite, you may be disappointed with the turnout. Also as a PP asked, would the price per person go up if not everyone came? I would not want to be surprised with extra charges the night of the party.

DMoore421

It is not unheard of. Any bachelorette party I have been to was wedding party and close girl friends who were not in the wedding party for one reason or another... Everyone chipped in... If you wanted on the bus you paid for a part of the bus and generally part of the bride's share so she didn't have to pay... But if everyone won't be staying in the room that night. And I know penthouses are huge in most AC hotels... They shouldn't have to pay for the room It also should not be your job as the bride to explain the costs to everyone. And do you have a back up plan should people decide not to attend due to the 40 cost ? Is everyone else okay with coming up with the should people back out?

LD1970

With every bach party I've ever been to, the wedding party *plans * it, but all close girlfriends of the bride are invited.  Everyone pays her own way and kicks in a proportional share for the bride.  Same happened at my bach party, which was a total surprise to me and was planned without my knowledge.

I was part of one tiered bach party, where there was a dispute as to whether we should be wedding party only or invite more people... it was in honor of my sis.  So what we did was the bridesmaids went out for dinner ourselves with my sis, and we all paid for ourselves and kicked in for her, and then we invited the entire guest list to meet up with us at The Donkey Show (no longer exists in NYC) where the invite had the price pp.  As it turns out, that place had a bach party package, so my sis was free anyway.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-paying-for-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:282717de-2267-41e7-bc14-2abc936269f5Post:03269e0f-f03d-4e10-a72f-2d86a87edca0">Re:Guests Paying For Bachelorette Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guests Paying For Bachelorette Party: This is the way it is in my group too. I've never been to a bparty that was just at someone's house or hotel room and been asked to pay them money, though I have been to those types where I was asked to bring a bottle of liquor or a snack item. But when we go out for bparties, everyone just picks up their own bill. Personally, I would split the room among the hosts and then have everyone pick what they want to eat from PF Changs and pay for their own order. I would find sitting around a hotel room playing games and then being asked to pay the host 40 dollars for it to be a little unsettling.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this.  </div><div>
</div><div>It's normal in my group for guests to pay for their own dinner and drinks, but the hosts wouldn't ask for a contribution from attendees.  I've been to a couple of b-parties that involved a hotel room or a party bus.  The hosts would cover the costs of the room or bus, but the guests pay for their own drinks, and usually everyone will throw in something for the bride.  </div><div>
</div><div>To me the big difference is the host asking the guest to give her money to go to a party, versus the guest paying the bartender for her own drink.  </div>

MoxieMickie

<p>In Response to Re:Guests Paying </p><p> </p>

amanda1611t

Thanks for all the comments!

Im paying towards the penthouse that night since myself anf MOH will be staying there overnight.

If we have less people we go with a king suite.

either way it will come out to $40 pp MOH and I will be keeping it same price by paying the rest.

WP will be helping, but I ultimately will be planning since I am an event coordinator

BrittneyRN

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-paying-for-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:282717de-2267-41e7-bc14-2abc936269f5Post:8727ff23-824f-4a90-8a46-b04d311235c6">Re: Guests Paying For Bachelorette Party</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for all the comments! Im paying towards the penthouse that night since myself anf MOH will be staying there overnight. If we have less people we go with a king suite. either way it will come out to $40 pp MOH and I will be keeping it same price by paying the rest. WP will be helping, but I ultimately will be planning since I am an event coordinator
Posted by amanda1611t[/QUOTE]



You shouldn't be planning your own party, but I guess you'll do what you want.

Anyway, I'd have one of the hosts of the party say something to people about the cover. I think it will seem weird coming from the bride.

Peledreamsofrain

I've never been to a bachelorette party where only the WP was invited.  That would be a very intimate party, and in those circumstances, I could understand where the person hosting would pay for everything (limited number of people).

However, for my sister's wedding, I was it for the WP.  Just me.  So that would have been a silly number for a party.  A bunch of her friends were invited, and we all agreed to split the cost of a VIP table at a club and pay for our own dinners at the restaurant (I paid for her dinner).

At the end of the night, a bunch of her friends flaked on me, so I ended up shouldering the cost of a lot of the VIP table (thank god not all of it, but it almost sank me).  But I think it was more due to the unlimited alcohol that came with the table than people being offended about splitting costs.  My sister has never heard a peep from me about it, nor will she ever.  It's not my place to tear down her friendships for a few hundred bucks, nor darken her wedding memories.

I do agree that the people who are not staying overnight shouldn't have to pay for the hotel.  But anybody who complains about chipping in for their own drinks and activities is a bottomfeeding freeloader.