Setting The Wedding Date

AmareVincere

I've known for a very long time that I've wanted to keep my wedding date the same as my anniversary date, which happens to fall on Memorial Day Weekend.  Since I plan to have an outdoor tented wedding, this weekend would be perfect for it.

Unfortunately (for this situation), my fiancee's best friend and his girlfriend got engaged before we did.  Up until yesterday, when she and I attended a bridal show together, neither of us had discussed a potential date for our weddings.  Last night I found out that she was also planning a May 2012 wedding.

How do I go about keeping my date without causing problems?

LesPaul

How much do your guest lists overlap?  Would either of the weddings be DW?

danieliza1127

Your date isn't set until you have a venue booked.  Until you book it, you really don't know if the date will even be available.

If your guest lists don't overlap too much for guests who would have to travel a long distance and therefore choose one wedding over the other, then being in the same month shouldn't cause too much of a problem.

Kristin&eric

its your fiance's best friend so you probably wont have that much over ga[ except for friends right? If they are a couple weeks apart,so your fiances bestie and can be at or in the wedding and not on his honeymoon then i think it should be fine, but i would give her a heads up

*BeachBride0410*

Why not have it Memorial Day weekend 2011?  You would still have plenty of time.

ohwhynot

 I fail to see any problem, unless their date is the exact same date as yours.  If they're just both May 2012 weddings, there's no conflict.  I suppose a handful of friends may have 2 weddings to attend in close order, but that's really no big deal. 

quotequeen

Do you need 2 years to plan?  Can you do a May 2011 wedding?

jesibel14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_setting-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:28dd363c-3d81-426f-bacc-25b1ec9cd0a7Post:2a3d5569-5dc2-4864-b3ea-1099a2ea7c7c">Re: Setting The Wedding Date</a>:
[QUOTE]its your fiance's best friend so you probably wont have that much over ga[ except for friends right? If they are a couple weeks apart,so your fiances bestie and can be at or in the wedding and not on his honeymoon then i think it should be fine, but i would give her a heads up
Posted by Kristin&eric[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.  You should give her a call and see what she's planning (and if she's booked anything).  If she hasn't, you may want to let her know that you were thinking of doing memorial day and see what type of response you get. 

We had a similar issue where we got engaged around the same time as FI's best friend and his fiance.  She booked mid September.  Though I really wanted September, she booke first, so I did mid-August so that there would be enough time between our HM (12 days) and bit of a break for our mutual guests (since there are about 50).

AmareVincere

The reason I chose 2012 is because I need the extra time to plan, since I am choosing to have my wedding as a tented reception in my parent's backyard.  To save money, I will be doing EVERYTHING myself and so I really need the extra time.

There probably wouldn't be very much overlap with regard to the guest lists except for a few friends, who wouldn't mind anyway.

The problem is that she's just talking about it, and likely won't be booking anything for a while because (if I can say this tactfully), she and her fiancee are not as financially stable as my fiancee and I, who have been planning and saving for our wedding.  She's not sure what she can do because she's not sure she can afford it.  She's looking at having closer to 75 people while my guest list might double that.

I was just thinking that if I set the date for mine, it's likely hers won't be happening then anyway, I just didn't know if there was some etiquitte I had to stick to since she picked the month and got engaged before me, but technically she didn't actually set a date.

Thanks to all!

AmareVincere

Also...don't laugh as I'm a newbie, but what does "DW" mean?

JennaV26

DW = Destination Wedding

As long as you guys aren't planning for the same weekend I'm sure you'll be fine (do note, though, that I agree that it would be better if whoever marries first had enough time to go on their honeymoon and still be in the other's wedding).

No one's booked anything yet so if I were you I'd jump on getting your planning train rolling so you're not trying to pick your date around her date.

ohwhynot

DW = Destination Wedding.  If one or both of you were having a DW, it would be more of a hardship for your overlapping guests than if neither of you were. 

You're in the clear.  It would be unreasonable for either of you to get pissy if the other plans a wedding for the same month, two years in the future.  If it bothers you that they're having their wedding in the same month, you can always change your date - your reasons are no less or more valid than theirs.  If it doesn't bother you (and it really shouldn't), then go ahead and plan.  If it bothers her, then she's being ridiculous. 

Morfudd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_setting-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28dd363c-3d81-426f-bacc-25b1ec9cd0a7Post:53282ece-279b-4d1d-8567-e0a08001e3bd">Re: Setting The Wedding Date</a>:
[QUOTE]I was just thinking that if I set the date for mine, it's likely hers won't be happening then anyway, I just didn't know if there was some etiquitte I had to stick to since she picked the month and got engaged before me, but technically she didn't actually set a date. Thanks to all!
Posted by AmareVincere[/QUOTE]

You should call her, explain that the anniversary is important to you, and ask what she's planning.

She can't be offended that you chose the same month-- brides who throw fits about it get told "you get only one day" on this board all the time. Seriously. Checking to make sure you aren't on the same day, though, would be both practical and polite on your part.

Morfudd

Good point about the honeymoon, too.

pooh8402

so what if both of yall have your wedding in the same month?

AmareVincere

Thanks everyone.

Destination wedding is not an issue here as I have too many guests and she is trying to save money.  Also, they would not be going on their honeymoon right after the wedding due to financial constraints, I'm pretty sure.

I am assuming she is planning early May because she keeps saying "spring wedding," which in my mind is more of a March-April-May deal, I consider my wedding to be more of a summer affair, as I've always considered Memorial Day weekend to "offically" kick off summer in my mind.

I've considered though, that there might be problems with choosing Memorial Day.  I wanted to avoid June because it's such a popular month to get married, but I could also consider the first weekend of June.

I was concerned that people might have other plans on Memorial Day weekend and not be able to come.  It might also be difficult to travel?  I'm not really sure if it's a good idea, or bad idea.  I would think that it would be easier to get a DJ or caterer that weekend? Any thoughts?  Thanks again.

Sing2phins

I think you're expending too much brain power on this.  This is not a problem unless you make it one.

AmareVincere

I don't have a problem with it really...I just didn't want to offend anyone.  The more I think about it now though I'm worried about the whole Memorial Day Weekend thing...

pooh8402

well I got married Memorial Day weekend and it wasn't an issue. those who could come, we were happy to have them. those who couldn't, their loss imo because it was a blast.

Calypso1977

i actually dont think june is as popular as it used to be.  everyone i know gets married in september and october now.  those are the popular months.  i personally would avoid the holiday weekend, but tha'ts just me.

also, yes, its your anniversary, but you will be getting married which will be your "real" anniversary going forward.

AmareVincere

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_setting-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28dd363c-3d81-426f-bacc-25b1ec9cd0a7Post:e1826286-aac7-469a-96cd-fc55ae806650">Re: Setting The Wedding Date</a>:
[QUOTE]also, yes, its your anniversary, but you will be getting married which will be your "real" anniversary going forward.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Well, the whole point for me was that I honestly did not want to have two different anniversaries.  Maybe silly to some people but that's the whole fun of weddings...every bride has different wants!

Also, to Pooh...did you find that more people did not attend because of the holiday weekend?