My Bridesmaid can't afford to be in my wedding

jenaedunlop

Help! I want to ask one of my very close friends to be a bridesmaid in my wedding in May. She attends the same college as me in Boston. My fiance and I live in Boston,but we are getting married in Indiana since that is where we grew up. She already has a hard time affording college and I know she won't be able to afford a $300 plane ticket plus around $100 for a dress. I would love for her to be in my wedding, but I'm not quite sure what to do. Any advice?

kmmssg

Can you work her expenses into your budget?  

Maggie0829

You may think you know her financial situation but unless you review your bank statements and credit card statements each month then you really have no idea what her financial status is like.

If you would like her to be a BM then ask her.  She is an adult and if she cannot afford to be in a wedding then she will decline the invite.

If she does accept then you can choose to help her out with travel if you are willing and able to afford it.

As with any BM you need to discuss their budget in regards to dresses before looking at anything.  Whichever BM has the lowest budget then that is the price range you should be looking in.

It is great that you are concerned for your friend and finances but you need to let her decide what she wants to do.

Just H

Ask her and let her decide if she can afford it.  Maybe she can save up or borrow the  money, but if not she is an adult and can say no.  I think should at least give her the opportunity to decide for herself. 

jenaedunlop

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaid-cant-afford-to-be-in-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28f7a900-bf9d-4ffb-92aa-f856781dded6Post:f230d801-f930-43a7-aa74-f129fa7874c5">Re: My Bridesmaid can't afford to be in my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Ask her and let her decide if she can afford it.  Maybe she can save up or borrow the  money, but if not she is an adult and can say no.  I think should at least give her the opportunity to decide for herself. 
Posted by Just H[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Thanks for the advice! I plan on asking her, I just don't want her to feel embarrased. I know she is an adult and can decide for herself, it's just hard to find the right time to ask her when she always vents to me about not being able to afford anything...

</div>

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaid-cant-afford-to-be-in-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28f7a900-bf9d-4ffb-92aa-f856781dded6Post:a21b496b-81b6-450c-ae8e-46fd6511dd0e">Re: My Bridesmaid can't afford to be in my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Bridesmaid can't afford to be in my wedding : Thanks for the advice! I plan on asking her, I just don't want her to feel embarrased. I know she is an adult and can decide for herself, it's just hard to find the right time to ask her when she always vents to me about not being able to afford anything...
Posted by jenaedunlop[/QUOTE]

Don't feel bad about asking her just because you know it might be too much for her. If she can't afford to go, I'm sure she will at least feel honored that you asked her. Also, I am definitely on a strict budget right now, but if one of my close friends wanted me to be a bridesmaid, you better bet I'd start saving right away and do anything in my power to be there. Be respectful of her finances (it sounds like you already are) and choose a dress she says she can afford, and help her with the cost if you can.

Calypso1977

id still ask her and maybe offer to pay for her dress or better yet, help her out in some way with her lodging in indiana.  alot of people can scrape together a plane ticket when they have to for something important, but food and hotel costs add up when you get to where you are going.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaid-cant-afford-to-be-in-my-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28f7a900-bf9d-4ffb-92aa-f856781dded6Post:f9c89676-81fa-4cb9-97e1-8d4944010056">Re: My Bridesmaid can't afford to be in my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]id still ask her and maybe offer to pay for her dress or better yet, help her out in some way with her lodging in indiana.  alot of people can scrape together a plane ticket when they have to for something important, but food and hotel costs add up when you get to where you are going.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

<div>Calypso, I'm just going to apologize now, but whenever I see your name, I go back to the Cyclops thing last week.  All I see now is cylclops...</div>

Meegles4

Yep, just ask her. All of my BMs had various financial issues, and I'm sure my wedding was a "hardship" for some. I tried to be conscious of that by asking whether a BM dress was too much $$ or in line with their budgets, and giving them plenty of advance notice so they could plan flights, etc. I also secured hotel blocks so that probably saved a little money.

I also wasn't adamant about them doing certain things like hair/make-up or staying in the hotel. Some had family in town and I encouraged them to stay with family if they didn't want to stay at the hotel.

SunriseAmber

I agree with PP. Just ask her.

itzMS

Definitely ask her soon, given your date & location are set. My solution, as all of my bridesmaids needed to travel, was to 100% pay for their hair, makeup, and attire. I made sure they knew this up front and they were able to save solely for their plane ticket without any extra or hidden costs.

[Deleted User]

My childhoold best friend said yes to being my BM in the excitment of the moment. Two weeks later she called & pulled out. After 2-3 weeks after I calmed down I sent her an email because I felt the reason she said she pulled out wasn't the real reason and I was right. She had always been very open with me about her financial situation. My fiance offered to pay for her dress if that would help make things easier for her to be a BM. I am happy to say that she is now back as a BM and our friendship is better then ever. It was important for me so we're making the sacrafice to pay for her dress (and hair style) for the day so that we can have everyone important to us, with us.

[Deleted User]

Oh yeah, it didn't hurt that the dress the girls picked out (david's bridal dress) is a popular style & fairly easy to find on Ebay & once dry cleaned, it's as good as new if the size is right.

Calypso1977

Calypso, I'm just going to apologize now, but whenever I see your name, I go back to the Cyclops thing last week. All I see now is cylclops...

haha, that was the best.   if i was more skilled id post a pic of a cyclops in my siggy.

nattykins

One thing that you might want to offer is a place to stay while she's there if you can. I wouldn't have been able to afford being in my best friend's wedding which was a flight away had her SIL not offered me a room in her house.

VanessaZF

Hey there! I'm not sure how flexible you are on the bridesmaids dresses, but would you be willing to let her wear something she already has or have her buy a similar dress at a cheaper store? having your nearest and dearest surrounding you on your wedding day may be more important than having them all match exactly.  It's harder to get around the cost of the plane ticket...

What you can also do is extend the invitation - let her know that she means a lot to you and you would love for her to be a bridesmaid, but give her an out. Tactfully let her know that you'd be understanding if the distance or cost of travel is too much to ask, and that either way, she is loved. That way, she knows she is valued but doesn't feel pressured to accept the bridesmaid position. And then let her make the call

Good luck!

Vanessa

Zebrafish Events

http://zebrafishevents.com

pkontk

I'd avoid 'tactfully offering her an out'.  That can be seen as a backhanded method of asking but not really asking someone to be in your wedding.  Just ask her, let her bring up budget if it is indeed an issue.

TaraKeeley

Ask her to be a bridesmaid. If she sites financial problems, offer to pay for her dress. Let her decide if she can swing it or not.