Re-appointing Bridesmaids??

jmae4

I got engaged 11 months ago. Within the first month of engagement I asked the 6 ppl I wanted to be in our wedding.  THe only catch, I have friend from since I was in Diapers that, when my brother got married a few years ago, her mother said "well I expect you'll have Erin as your Maid of Honor just like she'd have you as hers!"  So...come time for my wedding, I'm stuck picking this girl as my MOH when really I would've rather had her just as a bridesmaid.  Ah well. Fast forward to now, 3 months before my wedding:  My MOH has done NOTHING. My friend Taryn, whose a bridesmaid but is the one I WOULD'VE pick to be my Matron of Honor, has planned my entire shower, bachelorrette party all while juggling her 2 kids and work. So...I asked Taryn to become my Matron of Honor. She deserves the honor as she's done so much plus, she's really the one I want to stand next to me during the wedding! So i now have both a MOH and a Matron of Honor and 4 bridesmaids.  I know that was bad etiquette...but everyone tells me to do what makes me happy and that its my day, etc.........but the real question....how do I break it to my MOH that I now have a Matron of Honor too??? The other bridesmaids all totally understand and are happy about it.

JadziaDax

You: "Hello MOH. I now have a Matron of Honor as well"
MOH: "Oh, Ok"

I think that's all you really need to say.

emarston1

First of all, you shoudn't hold it against original MOH that she hasn't done anything for the wedding.  She's not required to.  She is only required to wear the selected dress and show up the day of the wedding.  Holding a grudge because she didn't plan a shower or taken an interest in the wedding is bridezilla behavior.

Also, don't listen to those people that say you can do whatever you want because it's your day.  This will not end well.

But I agree with the PP about how to tell your original MOH.  Just tell her you now have a Matron of Honor.  Just don't bring up why you did it or that you are disappointed in her lack of interest.

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_re-appointing-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:292e20dc-9be7-48f9-aa55-e208d2bcfe12Post:bcb06b8d-158a-4c31-9e56-3dab0573d6e6">Re-appointing Bridesmaids??</a>:
[QUOTE]I got engaged 11 months ago. Within the first month of engagement I asked the 6 ppl I wanted to be in our wedding.  THe only catch, I have friend from since I was in Diapers that, when my brother got married a few years ago, her mother said "well I expect you'll have Erin as your Maid of Honor just like she'd have you as hers!"  <strong>So...come time for my wedding, I'm stuck picking this girl as my MOH when really I would've rather had her just as a bridesmaid. </strong> Ah well. Fast forward to now, 3 months before my wedding:  My MOH has done NOTHING. My friend Taryn, whose a bridesmaid but is the one I WOULD'VE pick to be my Matron of Honor, has planned my entire shower, bachelorrette party all while juggling her 2 kids and work. So...I asked Taryn to become my Matron of Honor. She deserves the honor as she's done so much plus, she's really the one I want to stand next to me during the wedding! So i now have both a MOH and a Matron of Honor and 4 bridesmaids.  I know that was bad etiquette...but everyone tells me to do what makes me happy and that its my day, etc.........but the real question....how do I break it to my MOH that I now have a Matron of Honor too??? The other bridesmaids all totally understand and are happy about it.
Posted by jmae4[/QUOTE]

You really weren't stuck at all.  Obviously you can't go back and change this now, but it makes me think you need to learn how to stand up for yourself in general.

MOH isn't something somebody "deserves" because of the WORK she puts into it.  It's about having your very closest friends up there with you.  Having two MOHs is not bad etiquette.  As for your old MOH, just be straight with her and tell her that you've decided to have two.  It's not a big deal.

squirrly

It's totally ok to have both.  If you get all dramatic about it when you tell Erin, though, she'll sense that it's a big deal to you and it will become a big deal to her.  If it's no big deal for you, it's less likely to be a big deal to her.

Now, failure to plan you a bunch of parties doesn't disqualify Erin as a MOH, by the way.  But, it does mean that she might not be as into the title as her mother seemed to think she would be and therefore not so stressed with you also having a Matron of Honor.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_re-appointing-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:292e20dc-9be7-48f9-aa55-e208d2bcfe12Post:6184bfb7-a37d-4b22-ad62-575ec9c4a31b">Re: Re-appointing Bridesmaids??</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, you shoudn't hold it against original MOH that she hasn't done anything for the wedding.  She's not required to.  She is only required to wear the selected dress and show up the day of the wedding.  Holding a grudge because she didn't plan a shower or taken an interest in the wedding is bridezilla behavior. Also, don't listen to those people that say you can do whatever you want because it's your day.  This will not end well. But I agree with the PP about how to tell your original MOH.  Just tell her you now have a Matron of Honor.  Just don't bring up why you did it or that you are disappointed in her lack of interest.
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

This.
 

Pirata13

Um, yeah, you weren't stuck.  You could have and should have chosen your other friend as your Matron of Honor. You'll be in for a lifetime of misery if you let everyone else dictate your life.  Your friend's MOM said this, and you went along with it? Start learning how to say you'll make the decision that is best for you/you & FI/you & H or you'll always be "Woe is me..."

And the girls are right, your MOH and BMs aren't required to do anything but be there when they are supposed to. It's nice if friends are able to put together a shower etc for you, but they don't HAVE to.  My friend who is not even a BM took the reins on my B-party.  Do I begrudge my BMs for it? No.

skippylouwho

You let your friend's mother dictate to you who was not only that her daughter was in your wedding but was your MOH?  That was YOUR mistake. own it.

As suggested above, call Erin and simply say "by the way, my friend Mary is going to be Matron of Honor." that's all.  You don't have to explain it, make a big production or act like you expect her to have any reaction other than - oh, ok.

GreenPepperBurger

I plan on having a Maid of Honor and a Matron of Honor. There's nothing wrong with it.

chuygrl77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_re-appointing-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:292e20dc-9be7-48f9-aa55-e208d2bcfe12Post:21e630d8-b83f-49b8-b01e-e1b78cdd238c">Re: Re-appointing Bridesmaids??</a>:
[QUOTE]You can have both. Also, just because your MOH did not do anything, you should not demote her. Stop looking at these titles (MOH, BM etc) as a "job" because they are not. <strong>Also, these people are you friends, not your employees.
</strong>Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]

So true!  Feel blessed that your new Matron of Honor is great and feel bless that your original MOH is willing to stand up for you.  Dont make a big show out of the fact that you have both, just tell it like it is without all the details and they'll be fine.

jmae4

thanks for the advice.  I definately do not look at Bridesmaids and Matrons/Maids of honor as JOBS. sorry I came across that way!! but you're right that I do have a prob doing what I want to do. I always try to please everyone else.  and  I'm not demoting anyone at all!! I love the people I have in my wedding..i asked them for that reason! And I understand it's not their job to plan anything but when I picked my Maid ofh onor she said "i can't wait to throw your shower!" etc. Then...notta. But whatever, i was just looking for advice on how to tell her I now have 2 MOH.  So thanks for that.