How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?

kslight6

How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?  I will have a small, family only wedding (maximum of 30 people) this year.  I might have a big reception next year when I can afford it for 130 people. But I want a bridal shower this year and I want to invite my friends and friends of my fiancé.  But I can’t promise my bridal shower guests that there will be for a reception to follow in 2011.  If I have a bridal shower this year, I will make it clear to everyone that I do not want any gifts. What should I do?

jajph1974

Don't do this. It's extemely rude

ThePinkSuperhero

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-people-bridal-shower-but-not-invite-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:29898302-7157-4c1f-b31f-daf447ecb0b8Post:394165a5-1f8e-4a3e-b865-4045bd19d370">How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?   I will have a small, family only wedding (maximum of 30 people) this year.   I might have a big reception next year when I can afford it for 130 people. But I want a bridal shower this year and I want to invite my friends and friends of my fiancé.   But I can’t promise my bridal shower guests that there will be for a reception to follow in 2011. <strong> If I have a bridal shower this year, I will make it clear to everyone that I do not want any gifts</strong>. What should I do?
Posted by kslight6[/QUOTE]

If you don't want gifts, what's the point of having a shower?  Why not just throw a regular party for you and all your friends to hang out?

AdeleDazeem

oh goodness.

By having a small wedding, you have to give up the big bridal shower.

Only those invited to the wedding can come to the shower.  So, you could have a small shower instead.

I'm doing the same thing wedding-wise as you.  I'm totally fine not having a shower.

And, the point of a shower is to bring gifts for the bride.  If you don't want gifts, then throw a lovely party for all these people that has nothing to do with a wedding.

Krysti21

You can't. It's rude. And if you don' t want gifts, then you don't have a shower. The whole point is to "shower" the bride with gifts.

nda_roxybabe

Please read my response on the customs board.

You do not. and again, why would you have a shower if you want no gifts?

thesuninherhead

It's a shower a pure gift-giving party? I'm confused.

LesPaul

Well, first of all, you don't throw your own shower.  Second, the primary purpose of a bridal shower is to 'shower' the bride with gifts.  And third, it's proper etiquette that if you invite someone to any pre-wedding festivities, then they are invited to the wedding.  There is a general exception (I believe) for showers thrown by co-workers - you are not obligated to invite all co-workers to the wedding.  Sounds like you want more of an engagement party, but here again, you don't throw your own engagement party either.  And remember that it's always rude to state anything about gifts on the invitation (including 'no gifts').

JenniferC2010

First, it sounds like you are wanting to host your own bridal shower? That's a no-no. If someone wants to hold a shower for you, then let them. 

We have a private circle of friends and they want to throw a shower for us, knowing they are not invited to the wedding, as a way to celebrate our union in their own way. It won't be traditional at all, that I'm certain. It's a wedding shower. The invites won't be formal really, just announcing it on the email list or something and it's open to anyone who knows us and wants to party and celebrate. 

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-people-bridal-shower-but-not-invite-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:29898302-7157-4c1f-b31f-daf447ecb0b8Post:2a9f750f-bc00-44d7-bd3a-dd49b25feb8d">Re: How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]  Sounds like you want more of an engagement party, but here again, you don't throw your own engagement party either.  
Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]
<p> </p><p>This was my thought, too; maybe the OP wants to have an engagement party? Or just a party in general?</p>

kris10royal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-people-bridal-shower-but-not-invite-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:29898302-7157-4c1f-b31f-daf447ecb0b8Post:461c8970-1bda-4cbf-ae93-2d4f09927a03">Re: How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]You can't. It's rude. And if you don' t want gifts, then you don't have a shower. The whole point is to "shower" the bride with gifts.
Posted by Krysti21[/QUOTE]

This.

Sorry, but its what you give up when you have a small wedding.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-people-bridal-shower-but-not-invite-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:29898302-7157-4c1f-b31f-daf447ecb0b8Post:f45be024-a112-4b86-8d9b-d55d57e22ce8">Re: How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding? :   This was my thought, too; maybe the OP wants to have an engagement party? Or just a party in general?
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

Aren't engagement parties subject to the same rules?  ie. You should be invited to the wedding if you were invited to the engagement party?  And even if you stretch it to the mythical reception guests, she can't guarantee that a reception will occur...

Krysti21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-people-bridal-shower-but-not-invite-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:29898302-7157-4c1f-b31f-daf447ecb0b8Post:76282ad8-afe4-4a62-8a06-f227b1b5e63f">Re: How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding? : Aren't engagement parties subject to the same rules?  ie. You should be invited to the wedding if you were invited to the engagement party?  And even if you stretch it to the <strong>mythical reception guests</strong>, she can't guarantee that a reception will occur...
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

::snort::

LesPaul

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-people-bridal-shower-but-not-invite-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:29898302-7157-4c1f-b31f-daf447ecb0b8Post:76282ad8-afe4-4a62-8a06-f227b1b5e63f">Re: How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE] Aren't engagement parties subject to the same rules?  ie. You should be invited to the wedding if you were invited to the engagement party?  And even if you stretch it to the mythical reception guests, she can't guarantee that a reception will occur...
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

This is true, Joy.  It all just sounds like a bad idea.  OP wants a tiny wedding with all the grand accessories.  Sorry, it doesn't work like that OP.

cwm11985

RUDE. do not ever ever invite someone to a pre-wedding event (regardless of the size of your wedding) and not invite them to the wedding.  Very classless, you should be ashamed of even thinking of doing that,

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-people-bridal-shower-but-not-invite-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:29898302-7157-4c1f-b31f-daf447ecb0b8Post:76282ad8-afe4-4a62-8a06-f227b1b5e63f">Re: How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding? : Aren't engagement parties subject to the same rules?  ie. You should be invited to the wedding if you were invited to the engagement party?  And even if you stretch it to the mythical reception guests, she can't guarantee that a reception will occur...
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
<p> </p><p>You're right for the US. Although I should say that over here, our norms are different. Engagement parties here are typically very casual affairs and aren't about 'meeting the family' in the same way as they are over there. Here, they're more about throwing a party in celebration of the engagement. They're in some ways 'mini-weddings' as you normally serve food and drinks (cocktail style is the norm), cut your engagement cake and do speeches as per the wedding, however they're conducted in a much more laid-back manner.</p><p> </p><p>That said, normally you don't host your own e-party, and if she is from the US (as I'd imagine she is given the 'shower' reference) then this laid-back approach isn't going to apply in any case. I was throwing the suggestion out there given that her idea of having a shower without gifts is totally bizarre. In actuality, I think what the OP is after is more of a 'party' and less of anything WR.</p>

opalsky007

Skip the showers and e-parties and throw a non-wedding related party after the fact. Just invite your close friends over for your first bash as a newly married couple.

Catwoman708

YOU DON'T!

First, it's very rude and offensive to invite people to the shower and not the wedding.  If you choose a small wedding, then you have to either forgo the shower, or keep it small.

Second, YOU don't host your own shower, you wait for someone else to offer to host one for you.  The host of the shower is the one that sends the invitations and plans the party, according to what they can afford.  Throwing the shower for you is a gift to you, so you cannot tell them how to plan the party, or what you want, unless they ask for your input.

jesibel14

<p>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-people-bridal-shower-but-not-invite-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:29898302-7157-4c1f-b31f-daf447ecb0b8Post:a46f84db-cc26-46cb-8629-ff6ece2b00e0">Re: How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]RUDE. do not ever ever invite someone to a pre-wedding event (regardless of the size of your wedding) and not invite them to the wedding.  Very classless, you should be ashamed of even thinking of doing that,
Posted by cwm11985[/QUOTE]

This is a bit harsh.  She mentioned she did plan on inviting these people to a later celebration and also mentioned that she wasn't planning on accepting gifts.  I think that the OP was more uninformed or confused rather than "classless" or "rude".  She definitely doesn't need to feel ashamed.</p>
<p>OP like others said, it's not really a shower since people are not bringing gifts.  If you want to celebrate with these people, I'd recommend having some pre-wedding celebration like a BBQ or something informal to celebrate your upcoming nupitals.  Don't call it an engagement party and don't call it a shower - but do feel free to celebrate with these folks (just be sure to put "no gifts please" on the invites).</p>
<p>GL.</p>

TNMurray

DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!!! I dont think that you should have to get rid of other event because you want a small wedding. My friend did not invite me to her wedding because of money but did invite me to her shower and bachelorette party. The thing is I knew the issues the whole time. I think that you can have something as long as you tell these people. If they are close enough friends than they will understand your situation. We talked thoughout her whole planning process. There were a few of us that were there. If they are close enough friends they will understan. This is your wedding, do what you want but just make sure people understand the situation. OR like a previous poster said, have something after the wedding that is informal.

abbiewebster

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-people-bridal-shower-but-not-invite-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:29898302-7157-4c1f-b31f-daf447ecb0b8Post:a46f84db-cc26-46cb-8629-ff6ece2b00e0">Re: How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]RUDE. do not ever ever invite someone to a pre-wedding event (regardless of the size of your wedding) and not invite them to the wedding.  Very classless, you should be ashamed of even thinking of doing that,
Posted by cwm11985[/QUOTE]

Thats a little harsh, who do you think you are telling op she should be ashamed and that she has no class....SHAME ON YOU more like

salt78

A shower without gifts is just a regular party. Have one of those if you want, but don't call it what it's not.

The point of a "shower" is to "shower" someone with presents.

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-people-bridal-shower-but-not-invite-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:29898302-7157-4c1f-b31f-daf447ecb0b8Post:e47d4436-1de2-4afc-9d1a-27aee2e46a87">Re: How do I invite people to my bridal shower but not invite them to my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!!!</strong> I dont think that you should have to get rid of other event because you want a small wedding. My friend did not invite me to her wedding because of money but did invite me to her shower and bachelorette party. The thing is I knew the issues the whole time. I think that you can have something as long as you tell these people. If they are close enough friends than they will understand your situation. We talked thoughout her whole planning process. There were a few of us that were there. If they are close enough friends they will understan. This is your wedding, do what you want but just make sure people understand the situation. OR like a previous poster said, have something after the wedding that is informal.
Posted by TNMurray[/QUOTE]

Oh dear lord....

mehgank

Why can't you just wait to have a shower closer to the reception in 2011, then invite those who will be invited to the reception to the shower? I don't see why you must have a shower now, when you're planning a reception a year away.

LD1970

Rudely, that's how.