Should we invite her?

brianneharrison

Good morning, Knotties!

Sorry, this'll be a bit long, but I'm facing a family dilemma.

A relative of mine left his wife last year after 20-some years of marriage. He basically waited until their only child graduated high school and then just moved out. I don't know all the post-split details (it seems nobody does), but I get the impression the split is not at all amicable. Their daughter was very upset by it (understandably) and last I heard had been having issues with her father over it.

The question is--do I invite the separated wife to my wedding? I'd definitely planned on inviting him and their daughter, because they're family (this is a reasonably close-knit Italian family we're talking about). I've never been particularly close to the wife, but she has known me almost my entire life and has been a part of our family all that time (and she's still close to other family members, like her sisters in law). My first instinct (and my grandmother's) was to not invite her because I didn't have any particularly close ties to her, but the more I thought about it, the more that seemed unreasonably harsh--to just cut her out of a family function like that. I don't want to create an uncomfortable situation for anyone, but they're decent people, and I doubt they'd actually cause a scene at the wedding. Then again, this'll be a small situation, which means it'll be hard for them to avoid each other--even if they're seated separately, they'll probably be fairly close.

So, I'm hearing two things--don't invite from grandma, and invite from mom, and I'm personally starting to lean towards invite, but I thought I'd toss it out there and see what my fellow Knotties had to say. What do you think, ladies?

KentuckyKate

I would invite all three and let them decide for themselves who does and does not attend.  If it's not amicable, then I'm sure they won't put themselves or you in an awkward situation.

Galaxy8227

I agree with PP.  I'd invite all three and let them decide how to proceed. 

kate51485

If the daughter has been having issues with her father, and from your story it sounds like he's the one who made sort of a dicky move by leaving, why aren't you questioning inviting him, too?

I think you should invite her.

btrflykate1230

I would invite her. Even if she's not "family" in the traditional sense (because you're not blood related), I personally would still consider her family. Family is what you make of it, and like you said, she's been in the family forever.

opalsky007

Yeah, what everyone else said. They're adults, they can decide whether they'd feel comfortable attending.

kaesha

She's been part of your life, and I think that's what defines family more than blood lines. Invite everyone and let them decide!

katiewhompus

For me family is someone who has known you forever and cares about you, and she seems to fit the bill. I would invite them all (with her receiving her own invite, don't put her on his) and then they can decide who is coming and who is not.

tenofcups4me

I wouldn't invite her. If any  of my aunts or uncles or cousins divorced their spouse, I wouldn't continue to invite their spouse to functions even though they'd been around for a long time.

The big exception to me would be if the family member sets things up so that they and their former spouse continue to do things together in a family setting. I know one couple that broke up when their daughters went to college and continued to have family holiday dinners together and do other extended family things together. But I think that's up to the couple to decide how they'd like to handle things and it doesn't sound like this couple is headed in that direction.