What would Emily Post say?

PamandTroy

We are having a small, family only wedding with a total head count of 24. (Mainly due to my mother's health.)  My wonderful future FIL is hosting a cocktail party/reception about 2 weeks after the ceremony.
We plan to invite many of our friends to the party, which I have read is perfectly fine.  My question is regarding bridal showers:  is it ok to invite close friends to a shower?

Thanks!
The Future Mrs. Ross
10-10-10, so he won't forget, forget, forget!

mocha beans

Generally if you invite to a shower, they should also be getting a wedding invite.

MyNameIsNot

If they are invited to the shower, they need to be invited to the actual wedding.

The party two weeks later is great, but it is not a wedding.

SarahPLiz

Generally if you have a small wedding guest list, then you either don't get a shower, or you have a really small one. It is not ok to ask people to come to a party to give you gifts (purpose of a shower) and then tell them they aren't good enough to be invited to the wedding, even if there are other concerns such as budget and space. The usual exception to this is work showers, but some people still decline those.

MeaghanandMichael

I was actually just at a forum last week where Peggy Post (granddaughter in law of Emily Post and now head of her institute) spoke about this very topic.

The long to short is that you can not invite people to the shower who are not at the wedding. That being said, it is not clear from your post whether or not these close friends are included in the 24 that will be there on your wedding day. She also spoke against tiered receptions. Again, I am not clear on all the details, but this is the information I can tell you she relayed.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-emily-post-say?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a42cf70-1c37-4b25-9b77-3171cae311aaPost:dd0f9341-1d28-43be-9cb0-3b3b7037399d">Re: What would Emily Post say?</a>:
[QUOTE]Generally if you have a small wedding guest list, then you either don't get a shower, or you have a really small one. It is not ok to ask people to come to a party to give you gifts (purpose of a shower) and then tell them they aren't good enough to be invited to the wedding, even if there are other concerns such as budget and space. The usual exception to this is work showers, but some people still decline those.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

This.

squirrly

If your wedding is only a ceremony, and the party your FFIL is hosting is the one and only (belated) reception, then they can be invited to the shower.  I, personally, still wouldn't do it, though.

PamandTroy

Thanks Ladies!  That is what I thought too, but I have a friend who wants to throw me a bridal shower.  I am doing my best to break it to her that is not correct.  And she isn't invited to the wedding either!

For clarification:  my mother is a cancer patient and is quite sensative regarding her appearance and her recent inability to speak.  Since many of my hubby's family lives several states away, this would be the first time she is meeting them.