Unplugged Ceremony: How to communicate

martha783

Hi all! So I've reviewed other posts here on the topic of asking guests not to take pictures during the ceremony, and it is VERY controversial. I understand many consider there is no appropriate way to ask this of guests because the request itself is inappropriate. Others, however, seem to agree with me that asking guests to ONLY focus on being present and to look with their EYES not their screens is okay

I've firm in knowing that I want this. I'm a photographer myself so I understand the implications of screens in pictures but my reason is not that, (before/after the ceremony they can be all screens) but wanting focus on the solemnity the customized ceremony and the act of matrimony, which is by far the most important aspect of the day to us.

 I tell you my reason so you know, but my etiquette question is not whether to make this request but whether how, so I guess I am addressing just those who've stated they agree this is possible without being rude.

Everything I've seen has been done through programs. We've not planned to make programs because of simplifying and just a "no program" preference we have. Is it POSSIBLE to communicate the no-pictures request without a program? Since ceremonies usually begin with music and processional, and not "announcements" I'm not sure HOW to accomplish this. Any ideas or suggestions?

Thanks!
Martita

krizzo17

I'm not sure what the official etiquette on this one is, but in all honesty, you won't notice. After we got back from our honeymoon, I found out my MIL (who was sitting about 3 feet away from where I was standing) took pictures of the entire ceremony. Mostly pictures of my elbows and knees, given her location. Had I noticed at the time, or known she was going to do this, I would have been annoyed, but once you get to the end of that aisle, you really do not notice anything other than your groom

[Deleted User]

A nice sign posted by the entrance of the church?

KellyBrian2013

How about a sign that says: "We realize you are all too stupid to understand that this is ALL ABOUT US, so put your damn phones and cameras away and concentrate on US!!!" That ought to do it.

Loopyseven

You won't notice. A small sign by the entrance might be okay. But seriously, you won't notice.

OliveOilsMom

If your having your ceremony in a church, I think most people will know that out of respect for the church they will not be taking pictures.  There were minimal pictures taken of us during the ceremony.  And in viewing my photographers photos, there are no cameras being held high to get a picture.

And there is no nice way to tell people to not take pictures.  It's a joyous occasion and some people will want to take some of their own photos to keep as mementos.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unplugged-ceremony-how-to-communicate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2ae5f808-e176-4326-b62f-7b51919302efPost:fc4d0b2a-9ac1-4374-b020-b6e8a438383f"><u><font color="#0000ff">Re:Unplugged Ceremony: How to communicate</font></u></a>:
[QUOTE]How about a sign that says: "We realize you are all too stupid to understand that this is ALL ABOUT US, so put your damn phones and cameras away and concentrate on US!!!" That ought to do it.
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

Whatever wording you go with, this will be the message.  You don't tell adults they have to focus on the ceremony or how they have to do that. 

ElleB87

I think it depends on your reasoning here. I'm going to play devil's advocate for a minute. I have a medical condition that is made exponentially worse by things like camera flashes and strobe lights.  I specifically looked for (and found) a photog that didn't use flash for this reason. We had a private DW so we didn't have to worry about guests taking pictures but when we were contemplating a local wedding with friends and family I fully intended on telling people that under NO circumstances were there going to be camera flashes on the wedding day (although cameras that didn't use a flash would have been fine). I didn't give a crap if it made me look like a brat. I didn't want to have a seizure or a stroke on my wedding day. That being said, we were also going to offer a copy of the pro shots to anyone who wanted them.

Like PPs mentioned, your venue may not allow pictures to be taken during the ceremony so that's also a valid reason.

I don't see anything wrong with having a little sign at the entrance saying "no flash photography please" or having the officiant say something brief before the ceremony starts. If there's no flash I really don't see how you would even notice someone taking pictures though.

AdeleDazeem

Elle - I think there's a huge difference between a medical condition and just plain wanting people to pay attention.  It's the difference between needing a service dog and someone who just wants to take their dog everywhere.

I'm friends with our photographer on Facebook.  She put up a picture from a wedding recently where the bride had made a sign or put a note in the program that was a rhyme about paying attention to the ceremony and not taking pictures.  I found it ridiculous.  She thought it was the BEST THING EVAR. 

Personally, I would say nothing about it.  But, if you must, I suppose a simple "Please turn all your phones to silent and no flash photography" from the officiant at the beginning of the ceremony would be as far as I would go.

KellyBrian2013

In the 1500 photos my photographer sent us, there is ONE of someone taking a picture. One. And it's my uncle trying to grab a cell phone photo while we were outside doing the girls' photos prior to the ceremony and it's a hilarious picture. I noticed people taking pictures during the ceremony too and it didn't bother me in the slightest. They were still there and excited for us, and as much as I love photos, it was nice to have them prior to getting our pro photos back. And really, give people more credit: it really isn't that hard to "pay attention" while pushing a freaking button. If that were the case, professionals would miss the focus of everything too, making photos worthless. To be honest, the majority of people, yes, even those not taking photos, won't be paying that close of attention anyways. No one cares that much about the specifics or "iniqueness" of your ceremony like you do. Heck, I don't even remember the idiosyncracies of our ceremony and it was MY OWN DAMN WEDDING.

stephie25

I went to a wedding recently where the couple asked for this. Are you having any ushers, or anyone greeting people at the door? My friends had someone handing out programs (they did not list the request on the program), and he simply said welcome, the bride and groom have asked that guests not take pictures during the ceremony, and that they will be happy to share the professional pictures on their wedding web site after the wedding. I didn't think anything of it, I took plenty of pictures at the reception.

LeiselEB

If your photographers are worth their salt, they'll make sure not to get shots with other people's screens in them. We had over 200 people at our wedding, plenty of them snapped pictures, and not a single one of their cameras/phones showed up in our professional photos. 

I didnt' notice any of these cameras, and for the most part people didn't take photos during the ceremony - just as we walked in and walked out. People know when to be respectful, and to put a sign or make an announcement about this will come across as self centered and insulting.

I think you're overthinking this and that you need to refrain from micromanaging. 

StephJean83

At my sister's wedding the officiant said did a little welcome and said that my sis and BIL would love to see pictures from their friends and family but no flash photography. I never noticed if anyone was snapping pictures. I've seen in programs to "unplug" and have cell phones/pagers turned to silent or vibrate and not to use flash photography. Everytime I've seen/heard no flash they say it's at the request of the professional photographer.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Honestly, I liked being able to see a few "first shots" of my wedding on FB the day after the ceremony (I got teasers from my photog about 2 weeks later and my actual photos 3 weeks after the wedding, but I at least got to see myself in a wedding dress before that).

BUT the only way I think you can pull this off is if you are having the ceremony in a church or chapel, where photos are normally not allowed. HOWEVER when people see your photographer there, they might not assume this. (Many churches do not allow photographers to take photos in the sanctuary, but only from the back or from the balcony or without flash.)

If you are having an outdoor ceremony or doing it in a room at your reception venue, I think you're SOL.

Kate61487

Our priest made an announcement that no flash photography was allowed; but that was the church's policy, not ours.  I, personally, agree with JessicaBessica and KellyBrian.  I think in a program or a small sign is the least offensive. 

Having someone tell each individual guest as they walk in seems way too aggresive to me.  Especially if you include the fact that the reason is b/c you want your guests "focused".. seriously, what do they need to focus on? 

mrskristinyc

In our photographer's contract, she asks to us to make sure that there isn't any other flash photography happening during the ceremony, since the flash can affect the lighting for the pictures she's taking.... you know, the ones we're PAYING for. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask people to keep pictures to a minimum. 

I was at a Ben Folds Five concert in central park a few weeks ago, and the idiots in front of me were holding up their iphones taking pictures during the ENTIRE concert. Blocking my view of the stage. (And honestly, it's a concert - all of the pictures looked the same). It really ruined what would have been an otherwise great concert experience. I'd be pissed if someone did that to any of my wedding guests.

vexie

Our minister came out front before the processional started and gave a few announcements. That could be a great time for him/her to simply state 'the bride and groom kindly request that no photos be taken during the ceremony'. (if that is what you want). 

Maggie0829

This is completely ridiculous.  Once I walked down that aisle and layed eyes on my H to be I didn't notice a single other soul around us.  The ceremony and the words spoken were for us.  We were the one's making promises to each other and exchanging vows, not our entire audience.  I really could have given two hoots if people were paying attention, taking photos or playing angry birds during the ceremony.

Your friends and family are there to witness your ceremony but as loved ones they will also want to document such a wonderful moment in your lives not only for them to remember years down the road but to also share with you.  So many of my favorite pictures taken of my wedding were taken by my friends and family, not by my photographer (who took some also shots as well).

Peledreamsofrain

You can ban flash photography without appearing rude, but there's no polite way to ban all photography. It's the same as saying 'we don't care about your participation in the event. You are here as props to make our pictures look good." You arn't going to buy everyone a photo from your photographer are you? Probably not. So then where is their special moment keepsake? Too bad so sad? Thanks for making us look good, now go home? No thank you, i'll be happy that people love us so much that they want to keep a memory of something so special.

arendiva

I don't see anything wrong with having a simple sign at the ceremony entrance that reads "We ask that their be no photography suring the ceremony please."

lauralaur

I will say this: we didn't get our professional photos on disc until a year after the wedding, mostly due to problems getting them from our photographer (she has a much better computer than us, and the discs she sent us were too large for our computer to handle, she put them up online for me to download and I didn't realize there was an expiration date, the list goes on...), so anyone waiting for professional photos without paying outrageous prices wouldn't have gotten them until a year after the wedding, in our case anyway. My mom still doesn't have any pictures from the wedding because she can't decide when she's going to sift through 1,100 photos, my dad, however, I don't think has even looked at the professional photos because he took his own photos from that day and he's happy with those. Just my experience anywho. I realize most people's photos don't take that long to come back, but your guests would still have to wait and possibly pay photographer prices rather than having their own.

MoonlightSilver

I told my mother she wasn't allowed to take pictures during the ceremony, because I wanted HER present for our vows. I'm glad other people did take pictures, though, since we didn't get our professional ones for a long time. I don't remember seeing anyone except for my husband and father during my ceremony. 

While I agree with PPs it's kind of silly to tell adults what to do with their phone/camera, if you're going to do it anyway, perhaps you should tell your mom and MIL to just mention it in passing when they greet guests. "Oh, I'm glad you brought your camera. Martha doesn't want any pictures of the ceremony, but it'll be great during the reception!" Depending on the size of your list, you might not reach everyone, but it seems like the least offensive way to do it- IMHO.

azdancer8

When my SIL got married something went really wrong with the professional photos. I'm not sure of the details, but basically the only photos they have from their wedding day were her bridals (which were done beforehand) and any that family members happened to get during the ceremony and reception. She is so grateful that other people ended up taking pictures that day. 

OP, I think it would be acceptable to request no flash photography, but I think it's overreaching a bit to not allow any guest photography at all. And you may find yourself liking some of the casual photos better anyways. Plus, you'll likely see them sooner.

banana468

Personally I think your request is perfectly resonable.

I honestly think it's rather rude as a guest to sit behind the people who can't stop taking photos.   Ditto Stage that I'd be rather quick to say something if I witnessed that on Christmas Eve or Easter Sunday so why do your guests get to take tons of photos?

Ask your pastor to make a statement before the processional but also spread the word in advance. 

theelusive1

You could have your minister announce it at the top of the show.   Please no flash or no photography (whatever you chose) and silence your cell phones for the duration of the ceremony.   We are going to announce both   no flash and no cell phones ringing or answering,  yes this has actually been done in church twice.  As if ringing was not bad enough but the people answered and said hey I am in church can I call you back? No I am in church and I can't talk.  Oh yeah I will meet you for dinner. 

KellyBrian2013

I took pictures in church of our nephew's baptism, especially considering DH is his godfather. I would have told anyone telling me not to, with the exception of the officiant, to shove it.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to Re:Unplugged Ceremony: How to communicate:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Unplugged Ceremony: How to communicate:I took pictures in church of our nephew's baptism, especially considering DH is his godfather. I would have told anyone telling me not to, with the exception of the officiant, to shove it. Posted by KellyBrian2013

Klassy.

Nothing like telling someone who's actually trying to have religious experience to shove it. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but I fail to see how my taking pictures prevents someone else or myself from "having a religious experience" so long as I'm not running around the aisles of the church and standing through the middle of services or the ceremony. People know how to be courteous and if you're that bothered by the sounds of shutters clicking, you need help.

HuckSC

I've seen a few church weddings especially in the Episcopal church that didn't allow photography during the ceremony. The bride and groom had to stand back at the alter afterwards for the photog to get the "typical" wedding shots. I think if you get the person performing the ceremony to state something about not have photography during the actual ceremony it would actually have some weight to the statement.

Summer2011Bride

I guess I just don't get why people are surprised or offended that someone would want to take photos at a huge event like a wedding, especially if you are really close to the person getting married. To me this is not like continually snapping shots at a Church service. People aren't getting married at a regular Church service. Because I went to a Catholic HS, our graduation took place at Church; would you also suggest no photos at a HS graduation because it's in a church? That's just not practical. Of course parents will want to take photos of their kid on a huge day like that.

I think it's fine to ask for no flash. But if someone I know and love is getting married, I'd like a few pics of them. And I'm fully capable of being able to pay attention to the ceremony and still do so. It's not like I'm crawling over people and running down the aisle to get shots. I usually take one of the bride walking in, one of them kissing/maybe saying vows, and one of them leaving. Unless the bride is offering free pro photos to everyone who wants one, it's about $16 to get a 4x6 from a lot of pro photographers as opposed to maybe 50 cents to get my own shot developed at Walgreens.

I just really don't see it as a huge deal. And I think a sign will offend those who know better than to be a disruption and not stop a single person who would be rude about it in the first place.

amymaysa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unplugged-ceremony-how-to-communicate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2ae5f808-e176-4326-b62f-7b51919302efPost:ca6fd693-7148-4c52-89e1-384ed6877321">Re: Unplugged Ceremony: How to communicate</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I just don't get why people are surprised or offended that someone would want to take photos at a huge event like a wedding, especially if you are really close to the person getting married. To me this is not like continually snapping shots at a Church service. People aren't getting married at a regular Church service. Because I went to a Catholic HS, our graduation took place at Church; would you also suggest no photos at a HS graduation because it's in a church? That's just not practical. Of course parents will want to take photos of their kid on a huge day like that. I think it's fine to ask for no flash. <strong>But if someone I know and love is getting married, I'd like a few pics of them. And I'm fully capable of being able to pay attention to the ceremony and still do so. It's not like I'm crawling over people and running down the aisle to get shots. I usually take one of the bride walking in, one of them kissing/maybe saying vows, and one of them leaving.</strong> Unless the bride is offering free pro photos to everyone who wants one, it's about $16 to get a 4x6 from a lot of pro photographers as opposed to maybe 50 cents to get my own shot developed at Walgreens. I just really don't see it as a huge deal. And I think a sign will offend those who know better than to be a disruption and not stop a single person who would be rude about it in the first place.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]


I agree with this. I love having pictures to look back on. Many freinds have been so happy to see guest pics b/c it's a different perspective of the wedding than the professional photographer.

lyndausvi

I rarely take pictures during a ceremony. Even so, I do not have 100% focus on the couple either.    

Yeah, it's might be bad, but I end up looking up a the ceiling (I'm fasinated by the engineering  feat of some churches) or the pretty statues, reading the programs, giving a side-eye to the random kid who is screaming, wondering why someone picked that dress, wonder what the relationships are between the WP and the couple, whatever.

My point is, I really don't have a problem with saying no flash photographer.  I think it's distracting myself.   But I think you are delusional if you think not allowing people to take pictures is going to keep their EYES focused on you.