S/O Baby Poll

alixzafiris

Is there anyone other than me who doesn't want kids?

I feel all left out...

NicoleSahara

Aw, Alix. If it makes you feel better, I'm not 100% sure I want kids. Part of me does, but another part really doesn't. I'm thinking time will tell.

kate51485

I think it's perfectly fine.  I personally do want them, but I would never ever give the side-eye to someone who didn't.

All it really means is that the crazies will have to feel sorry for your H instead of your thought-baby.

mandapanda78

I have absolutely no idea what I want. I think if I could adopt I would feel more confident about it but Mr. Panda wants bio kids.

wadingmoose

No kids for me.  Nope.  None.  Nooooooooo thank you.

mandysmear

I do and I don't.  I know we definitely won't be having any for a good 5 years.  We'll talk about it then and see what happens.  I don't really want them, but a part of me knows that it will happen.  I only want one if we do have any. 

I saw a rerun of grey's anatomy that made me want to have kids.  There was an elderly woman who died and her husband had to leave the hospital alone.  I want someone there with Mike when I die.  He has no siblings.. his parents will probably be gone, who knows what kind of friends you have at that age.  (I have it in my head I will die first because I can't handle the thought of him dying first)

alixzafiris

I always knew I loved you Moose

lyndausvi

I'm kind of meh..

I'm old I'm just going with the flow (not on BC).  I'm not really tracking ,treatments or adopting.  If it happens then it does, if not, oh well.

danieliza1127

I'm not sure whether I do or not.  I flip flop a lot on the issue. 

cengle

*Threadjack: Moose, I love that new sig picture! Gorgeous! *end threadjack*

I do want kids, but I think those who don't may be more sane than I am, as we plan to have several.  I don't judge people who don't want kids at all; it's a very personal decision.

ExpatPumpkin

WARNING:  This is not what you want to hear

I'm in financial services and specialize in working with the very elderly.  When we do planning, we involve the children because the parents often are not able to attend to their finances any longer.

Every so often, I come across a widow with no children to look after her.  It is SO SAD.  Especially when she's in an assisted living facility and no one visits her...  If I ever considered not having children, those interactions would be enough to change my mind.

Obviously, it's selfish to have children for the sole purpose of someone being around for you later on, but still...

vicmo5

My sister absolutely doesn't want kids.  I've gone back and forth over the last few years.  We've decided to at least go ahead and give it a try.  If it doesn't work out we'll have pugs and travel and have lots of cool stuff.  Either way, I'd be happy.

ScarletGem

I'm also a flip-flopper.  There are times that I think I definitely want kids (not for 5 years or more, but eventually) and then there are times - think "screaming kid in the grocery store" - when I swear that we'll never have children. 

Also, Moose, I missed your AW post the other day.  Many congrats, and it looks like everything was gorgeous!  Can't wait to see more pictures!  :-) 

Nebb

I honestly dont know sometimes. Im generally totally against it for a number of reasons, but sometimes I think someday I might want kids. For now, for the next 5 years (or more), I know its not even something we will consider. Maybe then we will reassess the situation. Im still young, plenty of time to change my mind if I want.

NicoleSahara

Oh mandy I never thought about that! Good call.

Kasi80

Nothing wrong with that.  I have a kid and for the longest time I decided that was it for me.  I don't even really like kids.  To be honest it took me a few days after the birth of my daughter to even look at her.  Yes, sad...how can anyone feel that way?  I don't know..I just did.  Now though something in my body is going off and I feel the need for another after 8 long years.

mandapanda78

All of you other flip-floppers make me feel better about my own inability to decide. Also, Expat- that's one of the main reasons I WOULD want kids, but it just seems like a BAD reason, ya know? Plus you always run the risk that your kid won't care about you (it happens) and leave you to rot in the nursing home anyway.

alixzafiris

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-poll-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b62ff28-8a99-4d0c-bf73-1cdcc6c2bd66Post:74d32a78-6c99-4213-809a-0c756ba812e9">Re: S/O Baby Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]WARNING:  This is not what you want to hear ;) I'm in financial services and specialize in working with the very elderly.  When we do planning, we involve the children because the parents often are not able to attend to their finances any longer. Every so often, I come across a widow with no children to look after her.  It is SO SAD.  Especially when she's in an assisted living facility and no one visits her...  If I ever considered not having children, those interactions would be enough to change my mind. Obviously, it's selfish to have children for the sole purpose of someone being around for you later on, but still...
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

Honestly, this sounds like the worst reason ever to have kids. I don't especially like kids, any of them, and to have them so I have someone to look after me when I'm ancient is just wrong in so many ways. I wounldn't even consider that as reasoning for wanting children.

mandapanda78

My mom had all of her kids for the wrong reasons. Kid #1 she had because she felt alone and wanted someone to love her. Kid #2 she had to try to "save her marriage". Kid #3 she had because a man came along with money and would lift her out of poverty if she married him, but she had to be willing to have another kid with him.

Turns out, 41 years after her first child was born, all she really wanted all along was a dog. She has one now and is very happy.

SwedishChick2011

Alix, truth be told, I really don't want kids.  But DH does, so we'll see. 

vicmo5

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-poll-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b62ff28-8a99-4d0c-bf73-1cdcc6c2bd66Post:2e3c6630-9736-4b5d-a4f9-3e1bf9222602">Re: S/O Baby Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]All of you other flip-floppers make me feel better about my own inability to decide. Also, Expat- that's one of the main reasons I WOULD want kids, but it just seems like a BAD reason, ya know? Plus you always run the risk that your kid won't care about you (it happens) and leave you to rot in the nursing home anyway.
Posted by mandapanda78[/QUOTE]

My great great aunt Myrtle went into a nursing home after her husband died and her only son moved out of state.  She was there for years and my mom and aunt and us kids were the only people that ever visited her, which wasn't terribly often because she was about three hours away.  She died, her son never bothered to tell anyone and never had a funeral for her. 

wadingmoose

I don't need kids to have someone to be there in my elder years.  I have nieces and nephews that I spend a lot of time with, but even then, it's a lot to ask of those people to want to watch me die slowly.

It's an awful reason to have children.  Especially considering we live in a time when women are able to work and earn their own living so financially it's not required. 

Emotionally, I prefer the hermit lifestyle anyway.

mandysmear

I don't want kids to take care of me.  I just don't want my husband to be alone when I'm dead. 

I don't like kids that much, but I loved the relationship I had with my parents once I got older.  That's what I look forward to.  Not the first steps, first words, first day of school.  I look forward to when they're adults and have S/Os, they all come over, we have drinks, play games.  That's the familyness that I long for.  Unfortunately you have to parent the damn things for 20+ years before that happens.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-poll-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b62ff28-8a99-4d0c-bf73-1cdcc6c2bd66Post:2e3c6630-9736-4b5d-a4f9-3e1bf9222602">Re: S/O Baby Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]All of you other flip-floppers make me feel better about my own inability to decide. Also, Expat- that's one of the main reasons I WOULD want kids, but it just seems like a BAD reason, ya know? Plus you always run the risk that your kid won't care about you (it happens) and leave you to rot in the nursing home anyway.
Posted by mandapanda78[/QUOTE]

That's what I was going to say.  Expat, you assume that everyone ends up with grateful children who take care of their parents in their old age, and that just isn't the case.  I guarantee you there are lonely widows in nursing homes that never get visitors even though they have children and grandchildren.

mandysmear

They're just such a huge commitment.  It's a tough call.  Like I said, we'll figure it out in 5 years or so and see what's important to us then. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Someone asked about kids the DAY we got engaged. FI just said, "We're open to the possibility." Down the road. We'd be fine with or without.

MeaghanandMichael

It is funny because I want kids but I can get on board with your feelings in the sense that I definitely do NOT want them anytime soon. Yes, I get silly spurts of baby fever, but in my gut I really can get on board with having a small creature that depends on me for everything in my life. No way, no how.

mandapanda78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-poll-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b62ff28-8a99-4d0c-bf73-1cdcc6c2bd66Post:52340321-4be6-43f2-81fe-dc5b1d5ce9f5">Re: S/O Baby Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]Someone asked about kids the DAY we got engaged. FI just said, "We're open to the possibility." Down the road. We'd be fine with or without.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

MIL's first response to the news of our engagement was "I'm going to be a grandma!"  I thought that was sort of a weird leap to take.

Nik1202

I have a 12 year old son. FI has 3 daughters-- 9, 8, and 4 ....I always wanted another one but now with FI having 3, I feel like there are 37 kids in our house on the weekends and I just really want to run away. far away..really...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-poll-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b62ff28-8a99-4d0c-bf73-1cdcc6c2bd66Post:1abaa9f2-7c91-4d33-b531-da35987a1775">Re: S/O Baby Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O Baby Poll : MIL's first response to the news of our engagement was "I'm going to be a grandma!"  I thought that was sort of a weird leap to take.
Posted by mandapanda78[/QUOTE]


It's like - you realize I didn't say I was pregnant, right? I'm getting married because I want to get MARRIED.

FI will be 36 when we get married and I know we won't be able to start trying for another 2-3 years, so... we'll see. We should probably get a dog first.

Nik1202

Nik: I'm babysitting on Saturday

FI: Good, I hope she throws up on you 20 times so you don't want any more babies

Nik:Did you forget that I'm the boss

FI: Yea, Yea, whatever