how long do shower invitees have to send gifts?

ccny778

First of all, correct me if gifts are not customary.

My fabulous mom threw me a fabulous, surprise bridal shower.  There are several people who were invited, did not attend, post-surprise expressed regret over their non-attendance (usually through facebook) and there is still no gift from said people.

How long do they have, if they are, in fact, obligated to send a gift.

Thank you

KellyCJordan

I don't think gifts are ever obligatory

OliveOilsMom

No one is obligated to send a gift if they did not attend the shower.  But if you get something you get something.  Just send out the TY note quickly!

itzMS

Yeah, shower gifts are given at the shower and opened there. If people do not attend, they normally do not send a gift.

Sometimes, I've heard of a bridesmaid who couldn't attend the shower send a gift to the bride, but that's usually about it.

aurianna

It's very customary and appropriate to bring a gift if you attend a shower, since you're going specifically to shower the bride with gifts and the host is feeding and entertaining you.

Just getting invited to a shower though isn't like a special honor that mandates a gift though. If people don't come, I don't believe there's any obligation for them to send gifts (if there is, I wish I'd invited Bill Gates and Oprah to my shower...)

Some people are very thoughtful and send a gift even if they can't attend, but that should just be considered an unexpected and wonderful surprise; not the norm.

So send thank yous for the gifts you received from the guests who attended your shower, and as for the guests who did not attend your shower, hopefully you'll get to see them at your wedding.

Loopyseven

Gifts are not required - especially if they did not attend.  If you do get somethinga after the fact, just make sure to send a prompt thank you.

MyNameIsNot

Gifts are never obligatory.  It is normal to bring a gift when you attend a shower, but most people that don't attend don't send a gift.  

Unless a person specifically expressed that they intended to send a gift when they mentioned not attending, there is no reason to think that they would send one.  

mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-do-shower-invitees-have-to-send-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c0f8633-fe66-4601-9897-15a333deb695Post:a7d064b0-459b-4810-91e2-3b81e13ab9f3">how long do shower invitees have to send gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, correct me if gifts are not customary. My fabulous mom threw me a fabulous, surprise bridal shower.  There are several people who were invited, did not attend, post-surprise expressed regret over their non-attendance (usually through facebook) and there is still no gift from said people. How long do they have, if they are, in fact, obligated to send a gift. Thank you :)
Posted by ccny778[/QUOTE]
They don't have to buy you anything. Your guests at your wedding don't HAVE to bring a gift either. Their presence is the gift.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-do-shower-invitees-have-to-send-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c0f8633-fe66-4601-9897-15a333deb695Post:fb2fc6d1-c24f-4965-aa91-f117d3eb50e7">Re: how long do shower invitees have to send gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Some people are very thoughtful and send a gift even if they can't attend, but that should just be considered an unexpected and wonderful surprise; not the norm.
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

This. I did get one gift from someone who did not attend my shower, but that was only because she had been planning to attend and had something come up at the last minute. The other couple of people who couldn't make it did not give gifts, nor would I have expected them to.

I also don't give gifts if I can't make it to a shower, though sometimes I will give a bigger wedding gift than I would have if I'd bought a shower gift.

RebeccaB88

Nobody is ever required to give you a gift. Ever. For any reason.  Including your shower or wedding. 

DramaGeek

If gifts were obligatory regardless of attendance, people would invite everyone they knew just to get more gifts. That's a ridiculous notion. Rarely does someone send a gift if they aren't attending.

[Deleted User]

I'm a little concerned with why you're asking this, but I agree with PPs. 

ccny778

No need for the concern.  It was just a question.  I just didn't know the "rules" and wanted more info.  I just have always sent shower gifts even when I was unable to attend.  I didn't knowif this was the norm or how others treat it.  And again, I tried to make clear (twice) that only if they are obligated (which it is clear they are not) would I want to know the appropriate time frame.

Thanks all for the info.