Traditions that you don't agree with

TiffannieF

Sorry for posting on E but....

What are some American Wedding traditions (sacred or secular) that you wish no longer be part of the "tradition"?

lyndausvi

the tosses.  I think they are silly.

WildRumpus

Garter tosses. They're squicky.

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:da73450b-5d01-474d-ad04-7b5b91092e68">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]Garter tosses. They're squicky.
Posted by Jill9288[/QUOTE]

I also agree with the garter toss: ew.

graysquirrel

Cake smashing. I was 100% against it and said NO but H did it anyway. I didn't want my nice makeup messed up by frosting and it just looks childish.

I agree on the tosses. I got vetoed on them and we did them anyway.

I also hate WP dances. We didn't have one and our whole WP was thankful.

missy68

Garter toss.

I think a neat bouquet toss that doesn't bring out single women is to make one with silk flowers (guess they could be real), with sayings or fortunes tied to each stem. They are held like a regular bouquet, and when the bride throws them, they spread out and everyone should be able to get one. No need to call for "single ladies only" for this one.

Monogrammed napkins

baystateapple

We did the garter and bouquet toss at ours, but I didn't wear the garter that was thrown (I ended up not wearing a garter at all because the one I ordered was big enough for two of my thighs).  Plus we didn't do the whole sleazy thing where the guy puts the garter on the girl who catches the bouquet.  My sister caught the bouquet and my friend's boyfriend caught the garter.  And that was it, we just carried on with the night.

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:74624f3f-9f39-4f15-9569-fc83d98c6fb8">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]Cake smashing. I was 100% against it and said NO but H did it anyway. I didn't want my nice makeup messed up by frosting and it just looks childish. I agree on the tosses. I got vetoed on them and we did them anyway. I also hate WP dances. We didn't have one and our whole WP was thankful.
Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]

Confession:  I totally smashed cake in H face but ran away immediately to avoid make up getting messed up.  Why did I do it?  Have no idea, seemed like a good idea at the time. ;oP

I told DJ no garter toss and the photog but somehow we did one...I didn't know what to say in front of 100 people "no"?

And ditto on the WP dance..pointless and rude.

JaxInBlue

I agree with garter tosses and cake smashing - we didn't have either.  I would also love if "brides side" and "grooms side" for ceremony seating went by the way side.  Our ushers wound up having to add chairs to one of the sides because some people didn't want to break tradition.  There were plenty of chairs already though.

baystateapple

I'm not a fan of the choreographed fast dance routine for the first dance.  To each their own, but at this point it's getting kind of repetitive.

BIL and SIL did that for the wedding, H said he would have died if I tried to make him do that.  Neither of us can really dance, so that was absolutely out.

chelseamb11

The "traditions" of who pays for what (brides family pays for most, grooms for rehearsal)

TiffannieF

Head tables:  I still see them at weddings and feel so bad for the couples that are split up for it.

ETA:  Favors....the pointless ones.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:72c0108e-1b58-4874-bb85-3d0d914d9b7c">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]Head tables:  I still see them at weddings and feel so bad for the couples that are split up for it. ETA:  Favors....the pointless ones.
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

<div>How could I forget that one?  I HATE head tables</div>

Rose March

Nothing really bothers me But we're cutting out the tosses ourselves were really not doing a lot of "traditional stuff" no receiving line, rice/petals/bubbles, Introduction we are doing a first dance and the probably the cake cutting but that's the only planned reception events. Not a huge fan of unity candles, sand ceremony etc. so none of that for us. It doesn't bother me to see any of these things at others' weddings, it's just not for us. Though were not having a very traditional wedding in a lot of ways so I could go on and on. 

kmmssg

Bouquet/garter tosses
cake smashing - detest that
bridal party dances - pleeeze don't make me sit through that and don't make your WP suffer through it
choreographed WP dances
Favors with your names and dates on them.  Sorry, but I"m not taking it home.  Just give me some Hershey kisses and we'll call it good.
Sorry - I live in Dollar Dance Central and can't remember a family wedding in the last couple of generations (on my side) that didn't have one.  They don't phase me.

specialk84

I told H that if he smashed cake in my face, he would forever be known as The Man Who Made His Wife Ugly Cry on Their Wedding Day. I genuinely think I would have lost my shiit, and it didn't have anything to do with the makeup. I just think it's extremely disrespectful. He behaved.

I don't mind head tables if all the couples get to sit together. My mom really wanted us to have one, but the WP dates sat with us.

I don't get unity candles/sand/wind/other stuff. I'm also kind of sick of the Corinthians reading. I think I've heard it at every single wedding I've been to (except mine).

RamonaFlowers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:87e2fb24-a21d-4317-8e0f-914630f4c870">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]I told H that if he smashed cake in my face, he would forever be known as The Man Who Made His Wife Ugly Cry on Their Wedding Day. I genuinely think I would have lost my shiit, and it didn't have anything to do with the makeup. I just think it's extremely disrespectful.
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]


I told DH, dead seriously, "If you smash cake in my face, I'm tracking down our officiant and lighting the marriage certificate on fire before he has a chance to file it."

For me the big thing was "I'd be so beyond pissed and embarrassed if you smashed cake in public under <strong>any</strong> other circumstances ... why the hell would it being our wedding day suddenly make it okay?"

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:1c059e5e-a3ba-4662-b610-3cc479153c5c">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]Bouquet/garter tosses cake smashing - detest that bridal party dances - pleeeze don't make me sit through that and don't make your WP suffer through it choreographed WP dances Favors with your names and dates on them.  Sorry, but I"m not taking it home.  Just give me some Hershey kisses and we'll call it good.<strong> Sorry - I live in Dollar Dance Central and can't remember a family wedding in the last couple of generations (on my side) that didn't have one.  They don't phase me.</strong>
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

Ditto.

baystateapple

I hate the cake smashing.  H put a dab of frosting on my nose and I didn't mind that.  He also asked me beforehand if that was okay.  I didn't care.  I just didn't want the cake smash.

acaponi87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:4aa6e599-54cd-45a3-9e1c-8a37da923055">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, speaking as a frequent wedding musician, if I hear/play "Canon in D" during one more processional, my head will EXPLODE. I know it's beautiful, and I understand why brides choose it, but it's starting to run its course. There are so many lovely classical pieces to choose from; pick another one. ;) Corinthians - I'm with SpecialK. I loved when "Wedding Crashers" made a joke about that.
Posted by burntofferings[/QUOTE]

Agreed! I'm also a musician and the overplayed/overuse of this piece kills me. It will not be making an appearance at our ceremony.

No garter toss either. Creepy.

musicalsunlight

We had a head table but we had all dates of the WP at the table too. It was actually super fun!

I think garter tosses are gross.

specialk84

I did not want to have our string quartet play Canon in D. It's a beautiful song, but I'm bored with it. H loves it though, and we had the moms and WP walk in to it. My dad and I used a slow version of Simple Gifts, and it was wonderful.

Jaridds68

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:1c059e5e-a3ba-4662-b610-3cc479153c5c">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]Bouquet/garter tosses cake smashing - detest that bridal party dances - pleeeze don't make me sit through that and don't make your WP suffer through it choreographed WP dances Favors with your names and dates on them.  Sorry, but I"m not taking it home.  Just give me some Hershey kisses and we'll call it good. Sorry - I live in Dollar Dance Central and can't remember a family wedding in the last couple of generations (on my side) that didn't have one.  They don't phase me.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

<div>Completely agree except for the dollar dance. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, the patriarchal elements of the ceremony: father giving away the daughter, the 'obey' line in vows (i think that that's usually taken out). </div>

Gabrielle76

I hate cake smashing.  My fathers only advice to my FI was "If your wife asks you not to smash cake in her face, really, don't smash cake in her face." 

He did it to my mom and he has regretted it ever since.  You spend money/hours on your makeup, to have frosting smeared on it.  No thank you. 

Other than that, I'm a HUGE sucker for traditions. All of them!

Megbo2012

The "giving away" of the bride is ridiculous to me.  I might feel different if I was close with my father, but in general I just think it's creepy.

Cake smashing is bizarre, for all the reasons everyone listed.  I would never even consider it.  A little on the nose is cute though, Bay, I wouldn't mind that.

Mother-son father-daughter dances are weird to me.  It's one of those oh guys have bachelor parties so it's only fair we do a bachelorette! for the mother-son dance.  Again I might feel differently if my situation was different. 

Summer2011Bride

I hate dollar dances, WP dances, and receiving lines. The latter two I can deal with, but the dollar dance is so tacky IMO.

Beads921

Cake smashing.

The groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. My Mom seems to think this one is important. Eff that. I'm sleeping with FI in our bed on our wedding eve, and plan to see him for a few minutes right before the ceremony as well. 

Otherwise I don't mind traditions as long as their done tastefully. Even the tosses don't bother me. (And I've never been to a wedding with a dollar dance, so I can't really say how I feel about that one.)

lauralaur

I have danced in two wedding party dances and I was bored and uncomfortable in both. Fortunately for me, the person I danced with each time was someone I had met before and hung out with a little, not everyone in the wedding party was so fortunate.

When we cut our cake, I repeated the price of my dress over and over again to H until he agreed to be nice.

I'm pretty over clinking glasses to get the bride and groom to kiss. It felt like every time someone did that at our wedding I was in the middle of something and had to tell whoever I was talking to to hang on for a minute while I went to find H.

I'm still a fan of receiving lines. H's cousin didn't do one and I pretty much ended up interrupting her dinner to give her a hug because we did not see or talk to her at all for the entire night.

All that being said though, I was "given away" and I promised to obey. I don't know why, those two just don't bother me.

monkeysip

I agree with PPs about cake smashing, head tables, bouquet/garter tosses, Canon D, and dollar dances.

The giving away of the bride is not part of the traditional ceremony for Catholics, so we're not doing that, but my Dad is walking me down.  Personally, I'd rather walk alone, but I know Dad will want to walk me.

I also hate the father-daughter and mother-son dances.  But I know we'll have to do them.  My Dad would be hurt if we didn't have the father-daughter dance, and I know FMIL will want the mother-son one.  In FI's family, it's also very traditional for his Dad to dance with the bride (whether daughter or daughter-in-law).  They even already have a song for it.  Which makes it awkward for me becaue we're going to have to have 3 set family dances (besides B-G dance).  UGH.

LeiselEB

Hate the cake smashing, glass clinking for a kiss, choreographed dances, any tosses. 

I'm Catholic so the giving away thing isn't part of the ceremony at all. But even in other Christian ceremonies, I don't think of that as a negative - I look at it more like the father saying there's a new man in his daughter's life or something like that. It's just not something I'm bothered by.

And this isn't really a tradition, but definitely a pet peeve of mine - I hate when music is played on a CD during the reception and it's not edited to fade out or anything at a certain time. The last wedding I was at, they played You and Me by Lifehouse for the processional, but the song was way longer than the time it took for everyone to walk so it awkwardly played for like another minute before someone stopped it short and started the next song. 

chrmun

A cool thing about the 'not really a wedding' wedding is that we get a chance to break everything down and decide if it has value to us. A lot of it really doesn't. We're not having 'sides' because most of our guests are mutual friends. Nobody is tossing anything. I'm sure Eric will dance with his mom at some point, but it's not going to be a 'thing'. Also, we're setting up the chairs so that there are 2 aisles. That way we both walk down the aisle at the same time, but we meet at the front. Then we recess together. Of course, the bad part is that we don't get to be legally married, but that's just details...