Guest + 1

spechtholdn

Should I feel obligated to allow my guest to have a +1? We were trying to keep it under 100 people but with family and just close friends we are really pushing that number. If we allow for a +1 for everyone who is not already married or their partner isn't a mutual friend then we are being pushed to more like 120. In my area I have found several catering packages that are really well priced but the dont allow for in between numbers. It's either a package for 100 or less or for 150 people. What should I do without feeling rude.

georgia_bride09

You are under no obligation to give single guests a plus one. However, if they won't know other guests, I'd extend the courtesy.

danieliza1127

You do have to invite anyone that is a unit, like boyfriend/girlfriend, living together, engaged, married, even if you don't know their partner.  You don't have to invite any truly single people with a +1.

Julz629

If someone is in a serious relationship, you should always allow them to bring their significant other.  Unfortunately, "serious" isn't a black & white rule so you'll need to be flexible.  Obviously if they are married, engaged, or living together, you need to invite their significant other.  But many couples are also serious after a couple months so you should probably plan on allowing anyone in a relationship to bring their significant other.

Your bio says you're not getting married until 2012 -- so keep in mind that someone could start dating someone tomorrow and be very serious (possibly even engaged or married) by the time you get married.  Just something to keep in mind...

ohwhynot

What Dani said.  If a couple is long-term or living together or engaged, then both members of the couple are invited, even if you've never met one of them.   Just saying "married only" is too restrictive. 

spechtholdn

The problem I am having is that several of our single friends date quite often. We usually never meet thier partners and they switch often. Even if they come to parties that we host they usually never bring their partners. Many of them may even be in a relationship now but single by the wedding. I just don't want to feel obligated to invite someone I've never met and probably never will meet. Also if I do and then they are single by then I don't want them to just bring anyone just because they know the rsvp'd for two. My FI feels the same way, but some people are telling us we are being rude.

ohwhynot

In that case, I guess the rule is that if they're in a relationshp they consider serious at the time your invitations go out, then you invite the friend and the friend's SO by name.  Don't simply write "friend & guest" on the invitation.  That may help. 

georgia_bride09

How many extra people would that come out to?

Also, if you really aren't getting married until 2012, this is far too early to be worrying about this.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-1-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e1ff8d4-4177-4f60-adf0-b9bc17935286Post:5af75016-0a1d-425e-a855-d2a461407fbb">Re: Guest + 1</a>:
[QUOTE]The problem I am having is that several of our single friends date quite often. We usually never meet thier partners and they switch often. Even if they come to parties that we host they usually never bring their partners. Many of them may even be in a relationship now but single by the wedding. I just don't want to feel obligated to invite someone I've never met and probably never will meet. Also if I do and then they are single by then I don't want them to just bring anyone just because they know the rsvp'd for two. My FI feels the same way, but some people are telling us we are being rude.
Posted by spechtholdn[/QUOTE]

In a situation like that, you really don't need to decide now.  If you're doing save the dates, just send to them only with no guest.  Then you can re-evaluate when it's time to send out invitations.

golden1215

Specht- wait til you're actually inviting people to worry.  I would plan to pay for the 150 person package and then its a bonus if you dont end up needing to because by 2 months before your wedding a ton of people arent actually in serious relationships. 

For my wedding, which is very small, the only people who ended up being allowed to bring guests were all married couples.  2 of FIs guy friends claimed that their current flings were all of the sudden serious, but we knew better and didnt give them a +1.  It's just a judgement call you'll have to make.

spechtholdn

We are just now beginning the planning process and trying to figure out where our budget would be and what we could afford. We just came up with a rough draft guest list and someone asked us whether we would allow everyone to bring a +1 or not. We initially said no, that only people who were married or that were in serious relationships with someone. Keep in mind that we are only inviting very close friends. Most of them are married couples or couples that we are close friends with both people. We just have about 15 or so friends that casually date. I just wanted some thoughts on what would be considered rude. We are on an extremely tight budget also. Almost all of out stuff will also be DIY. It may sound selfish but we dont want to have to pay for people that we dont know. That could be money spent somewhere else that we could really use it. We really just wanted some thoughts on the issue that are 3rd party and honest.

georgia_bride09

Then I'd say refer to my first answer.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-1-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e1ff8d4-4177-4f60-adf0-b9bc17935286Post:a7406a6a-5454-40fb-99cf-c8ed82dfc0d6">Re: Guest + 1</a>:
[QUOTE]We are just now beginning the planning process and trying to figure out where our budget would be and what we could afford. We just came up with a rough draft guest list and someone asked us whether we would allow everyone to bring a +1 or not. We initially said no, that only people who were married or that were in serious relationships with someone. Keep in mind that we are only inviting very close friends. Most of them are married couples or couples that we are close friends with both people. We just have about 15 or so friends that casually date. I just wanted some thoughts on what would be considered rude. We are on an extremely tight budget also. Almost all of out stuff will also be DIY. It may sound selfish but we dont want to have to pay for people that we dont know. That could be money spent somewhere else that we could really use it. We really just wanted some thoughts on the issue that are 3rd party and honest.
Posted by spechtholdn[/QUOTE]

It looks like you got some good advice here to start you on your way!

Here's more info if you're interested:

<a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/wedding-invitations-etiquette.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/wedding-invitations-etiquette.aspx</a>

<a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/qa/inviting-singles-with-guests.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/qa/inviting-singles-with-guests.aspx</a>

lisalou402

Another viewpoint is to ask if the person invited without a plus one knows anyone?

i have been invited wthout a guest to weddings where I knew no one but the bride and groom and it was extremely awkward, and uncomfortable for me.  I have also been invited without a guest and had a great time.

In my circle, we are all a little older and it's a pet peeve amongst most of us girls when people aren't invited with guest.  We know it's not required, but it certainly makes a single girl of a certain age feel better to have the option to bring a guest or not.  If it's a wedding where I'll be seated with a table full of people I know, it's not an issue. 

I have about 10 girls on my list invited WITH a guest, and I can guarantee that only one will actually bring someone.

spechtholdn

There is no one that will be invited and not know someone else. All of our groups of friends know at least 2-3 other people who are going to be invtied also. That will not be an issue for anyone.