Surprise Guests

fhorns147

At my brother's wedding, one of his friends brought a date that she didn't RSVP for.  My brother and his wife told the maitre d to add an extra seat to the table they were at and acted totally normal around the friend.  I was wondering what should be done in this situation?  What if there's no extra room at the table?

Mrs.B6302007

Sounds like your brother and his wife handled it very well and exactly as it needed to be  handled.

Loopyseven

Security!!!  Kick em out

LOL.

Venues are prepared for all kinds of stuff.  They can most likely squeeze an extra chair in somewhere - the uninvited guest might not be able to sit with their date though depending on where there is room.

emarston1

Typically venues do plan for extra guests (or at least foodwise).  I know our contract indicates that they will be making about 5% more than what my final count will be.

As far as how to handle the situation, definitely make her feel welcome.  Although I would have the venue handle the logistics of setting an extra plate.  They should be more experienced in this type of situation than the bride and groom would be.  Just let the person in charge know that one extra plate will be needed and they should take it from there.  It'll be fine.

LoveMuffins

You'd be amazing at how rude people can be. At my best friend's wedding a guy and his girlfriend (who had been invited) brought a friend with them! The friend had met the groom like, twice before and had never met the bride. They did exactly what your brother did... it's not worth fussing about on the day of... but none of us having hung out with the offending guy and girlfriend since, and they are so not invited to MY wedding!

LisaChris2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_surprise-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f3c3a7e-6e60-4f8e-a2c4-e3e87e18222cPost:a79c4336-2f4e-438c-97a7-53966a2b752e">Re: Surprise Guests</a>:
[QUOTE]You'd be amazing at how rude people can be. At my best friend's wedding a guy and his girlfriend (who had been invited) brought a friend with them! The friend had met the groom like, twice before and had never met the bride. They did exactly what your brother did... it's not worth fussing about on the day of... but none of us having hung out with the offending guy and girlfriend since, and they are so not invited to MY wedding!
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

That is so rude of that couple! 

I can't believe people do this at weddings- what is wrong with them?  I hope this doesn't happen at my wedding.  I'll act graciously of course but c'mon!

fhorns147

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_surprise-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f3c3a7e-6e60-4f8e-a2c4-e3e87e18222cPost:a79c4336-2f4e-438c-97a7-53966a2b752e">Re: Surprise Guests</a>:
[QUOTE]You'd be amazing at how rude people can be. At my best friend's wedding a guy and his girlfriend (who had been invited) brought a friend with them! The friend had met the groom like, twice before and had never met the bride. They did exactly what your brother did... it's not worth fussing about on the day of... but none of us having hung out with the offending guy and girlfriend since, and they are so not invited to MY wedding!
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]
I suppose that's a fair punishment.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

garcias1

I agree with PP.  At that point, what are you going to do about it?  Just be gracious host and accomodate the extra person (if possible).  Let the venue take care of adding a seat and a place setting.

kmd0501

I agree that it was handled very well.  At my cousins wedding, another cousin had brought his gf that he had started dating only a few weeks before (so she wasnt invited, and didnt RSVP).  The reception venue was so rude to her and we felt horrible. They told her it was "against fire marshall code" to seat more than 8 people per table and she would have to wait (meaning stand) until they could "put together some sort of place" for her.  We ended up just grabbing a chair from the hallway and putting it at our table...the waitstaff, including the management, were unbelievably rude!  And this poor girl who none of us had ever met obviously felt so awkward and embarassed.  Then they gave her a hard time about giving her dinner because "they weren't expecting all of these extra mouths"!  It was 1 PERSON and yes, they referred to her as a mouth.  Needless to say, i dont think anyone in my family will ever return to that venue for a wdding!

lyndausvi

I had a suprise guest and my venue coordinator handled it so professionally I didn't even know there was an extra guest until after it was all taken care of.

hcorr34

What if it's not an extra "guest" but an entire family (8+ people) that shows up?  FI and FMIL are convinced that one of her brothers will RSVP for him and his wife but bring the rest of his uninvited family (children, grandchildren, etc.).  I guess they've been known to do this in the past.  I already know how to make it clear that just the brother/wife are invited, and plan to in three different ways, but that hasn't stopped them in the past from bringing everyone else along.

Neither FI or FMIL have a relationship with this part of their family, so I'm not sure why FI insists on inviting them, but they have me anxious about this already! 

Do I warn the venue/coordinator in advance that this could potentially happen?

CvilleClaire

Wow...people have nerve!

I got invited to a wedding, verbally, at the last minute, by another guest.  The guy didn't understand why I wouldn't go.  I knew the bride and wasn't hurt in the least that I wasn't invited to the wedding.  There was no way I was going to show up uninvited.