Groom's sisters as BMs?

Myles+Tami

Am I required to have FI's 2 sisters in my wedding party?

I have a lot of girlfriends that I would love to have as my BMs, but I don't want to hurt my future SILs feelings by not asking them to be bridesmaids.

Also, one of FI's sisters refuses to smile in pictures.

I don't know if they're expecting to be asked, or if they even care at all. I'm not sure what to do!

Thanks!

Brie2010

No, you're not required.  I think "she won't smile in pictures" is a pretty silly reason for excluding someone, though.

If he wants them in the wedding, have them stand on his side as groomswomen.  Many people here have done that.

Pirata13

No, you're not required.  I was a BM in my brother's wedding, but my SIL are pretty close. FI & I are keeping our wedding party small--his brothers & best friend are GM and 3 of my girlfriends are the BMs.  My sister-in-law is doing a reading (cried when I asked her) and my brother & one cousin I am close to are ushering at the church.  So I wouldn't worry about it. Incorporate them in other ways if you & FI want to have them involved.

ZRex

Eh, I'd ask them, really only cause you'll know them for the rest of your lives so you might as well do something nice to get things started on a good note.

pirategal03

It's not a requirement, but it is nice to do, and they may be expecting it.

PP mentioned that they can stand up on his side as groomswomen, that's a good option too. 

Rosie109

Well if they aren't pretty that just seals the deal. Wont smile? Iffy. Wont smile and not pretty? DONE. 

Kristin&eric

like PP's said if you want them in there you can. I ask Fi's sister, well bc she is going to be part of my family, i didnt know her that well but Fi had my bro's on his side and i wanted her in it. Its up to you.

sarah0725

Ha! I could imagine my SIL asking this question. My sister doesn't like to smle in pictures either. She dealt with the whole thing by having only a MOH, which was actually surprisingly diplomatic on her part. I ended up doing a reading.

And no, you aren't required to have FI's sisters, although he is free to have them.

Our model: we're having a wedding party that we aren't differentiating by "sides", and it's going to consist of his two brothers, my two brothers, my sister, my best girlfriend from school, and his best guy friend from childhood.

MissLeahM

I didn't ask either. I just didn't want a big wedding party, so I asked my best friend and then another really good friend.

arv266

I agree that it isn't required, but IMO it really doesnt hurt to include his sisters as your BMs.  If you are not close to them I think it is a great way to start a relationship, and if you are close to them, I can see how they may be disappointed.  I dont see why there needs to be a limit on the number of BMs that you can have.  The bottom line - if you dont want them in, then its not mandatory.

rotella

My future SIL will be a BM at our wedding, but her and I got pretty close and the family is tight knit.

If you're not tight with your future SIL you could always ask them to do something else. Maybe they each could read a reading or be ushers. If you're having a catholic mass they could carry the gifts to the altar.

aragx6

Sarah, I like your idea quite a bit. How are you having everyone walk down the aisle? And then where do they stand?

Myles+Tami

Thanks for the input!

We are actually pretty close.. FI and I have been dating for 3 years. Rosie, I know the "she won't smile" thing is silly, selfish, and shallow.. I feel like a bridezilla even saying anything, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it crossed my mind more than once. Should I bring it up in a joking way? Or just not say anything at all? 

I have a feeling though, that we are going to be the only of his siblings that get married.. so the more I think about it, the more I think I need to include them. Especially since, like you guys said we're going to be family forever. I like the idea of having whoever you want stand up with you and unmatching numbers, but how do you have those without an escort walk down the aisle if I had more BMs that GM?

parker624

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-sisters-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3020f1aa-9c24-47c5-8f9c-7a7824d9429aPost:296e9a61-896a-4b94-87b6-362d7739d669">Re: Groom's sisters as BMs?</a>:
[QUOTE] I like the idea of having whoever you want stand up with you and unmatching numbers, but how do you have those without an escort walk down the aisle if I had more BMs that GM?
Posted by Myles+Tami[/QUOTE]

You have everyone walk down separately, by themselves.  This is what we are doing.

chuygrl77

This may sound horrible but when my FI and I first got engaged, he pretty much had our list picked out and he only had one of his sisters on it. (yes, i let him choose some of my BM). I get along great with her and not so much the other one so I allowed it.  But then I felt bad about not having his other sister at least included and everyone else was that I asked his mom if she thought she would do a reading.  My FMIL thought she would but then one night at dinner my FSIL said out of the blue, "oh and by the way, I will not be doing a reading at your wedding."  I said ok and we never thought to include her again. 

Oh well...No worries on my end.  I tried to include her.

If you get along with them, it would be nice to ask them to be included somehow.  And even if you don't, you still might want to find some job for them.

mica178

I asked mine (both FI's sister and sisters-in-law).  I look at it this way: I don't know them that well yet, but over the next 30 years, they will probably be (in addition to my sister and best friend) the women I see the most in my life.  I'm not asking any of my BMs to do anything more than wear the dress and show up to the rehearsal and wedding, so I think they all think it'll be fun to be together for that day.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Totally up to you. We're asking my FI's sisters to do readings. My brother is standing on my side.

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-sisters-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3020f1aa-9c24-47c5-8f9c-7a7824d9429aPost:de8deff3-f849-43cf-9020-62e6e327f419">Re: Groom's sisters as BMs?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sarah, I like your idea quite a bit. How are you having everyone walk down the aisle? And then where do they stand?
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

I haven't decided all this yet, but I'm thinking that just the girls will walk in, and then only FI and I will be involved in any formal procession out. As for where people will stand, it's sort of going to be decided by their role in the ceremony: one of his brothers is the officiant and the other is the best man, my sister is the MOH, one of my brothers is singing, and my other brother and our two friends will be reading. So I think only the BM and MOH will stand next to us, and the others will be in places that are convenient for them to do the other things they need to do.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-sisters-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3020f1aa-9c24-47c5-8f9c-7a7824d9429aPost:e2172228-bb1b-4dc3-88b4-20a1d5321965">Re: Groom's sisters as BMs?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groom's sisters as BMs? : I haven't decided all this yet, but I'm thinking that just the girls will walk in, and then only FI and I will be involved in any formal procession out. As for where people will stand, it's sort of going to be decided by their role in the ceremony: one of his brothers is the officiant and the other is the best man, my sister is the MOH, one of my brothers is singing, and my other brother and our two friends will be reading. So I think only the BM and MOH will stand next to us, and the others will be in places that are convenient for them to do the other things they need to do.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

I love this. And I'd expect nothing less equitable and modern from you and Charlie. :)

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-sisters-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3020f1aa-9c24-47c5-8f9c-7a7824d9429aPost:6f57ac81-e130-41ca-828c-3be899846bd7">Re: Groom's sisters as BMs?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groom's sisters as BMs? : I love this. And I'd expect nothing less equitable and modern from you and Charlie. :)
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

Aww thanks. :) I like to refer to our WP as our sausage party.

beatlesgirl25

Haha! I'm not sure I know what that means though. Is it because it's made up of all parts?

sarah0725

No, because there is such a preponderance of man parts.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-sisters-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3020f1aa-9c24-47c5-8f9c-7a7824d9429aPost:f9a700dd-1bcf-46fd-9fd0-32ba0f64f436">Re: Groom's sisters as BMs?</a>:
[QUOTE]No, because there is such a preponderance of man parts. ;)
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

Ha! How did my mind not go there first? I must be off my game today. ;)

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-sisters-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3020f1aa-9c24-47c5-8f9c-7a7824d9429aPost:e23b705d-c32f-4980-a498-9e8da6a78a54">Re: Groom's sisters as BMs?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groom's sisters as BMs? : Ha! How did my mind not go there first? I must be off my game today. ;)
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

I dunno man. But now you can add that one to your vocabulary. :)

beatlesgirl25

Done and done. Sausagefest is another oldie that always makes me giggle.

OP, sorry about the turn this thread has taken. I will ditto everyone else's advice, because they are right on.

twinkie757

When we were deciding on our wedding party we each came up with a list of the people who are most important to us. We then put these people in the traditional roles based on their gender. So, FI has two of my brothers as grommsmen and his sister is one of my bridesmaids even though I can't stand her.