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corsage question

Hi,

We met with a florist yesterday to get a quote.  We were talking about the number of corsages, and a sticky question came up.  I know that it's traditional for the mother of the bride and mother of thegroom to have corsages, but I have a somewhat non-traditional situation.

My parents were divorced when I was 5, and my mom moved across the country.  She has a mental illness, and was unable to take care of me.  I visited her most years for a week, and talked on the phone.  Sufficed to say, we are not close.

My dad has been with the same woman for over 25 years, though they never married or even lived together.  She was a real mother figure for me, and I even lived with her for two years when my dad worked in another city.  This woman was a good friend of my mother's before my parents' divorce, which, as you may imagine, has caused some friction between all three of them.

My question is, do I get a corsage for my dad's partner or not?  I'd like to to honour the role that she has played in my life, but I don't want to cause undue angst for my mother.

Thanks for the advice!
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Re: corsage question

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    I would get a corsage for all 3 moms.  Honor them all for the roles they played in your life.  Your mom who gave birth to you and your SM who raised you.  And for your FMIL who raised your FI.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_corsage-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3095284f-a719-464c-a4e8-c9a02fc66836Post:4196f130-422b-4ce1-ba75-c8641a3e5091">Re: corsage question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would get a corsage for all 3 moms.  Honor them all for the roles they played in your life.  Your mom who gave birth to you and your SM who raised you.  And for your FMIL who raised your FI.
    Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]
    I agree fully.
    If you want to cut costs, you should look elsewhere. I totally understand that prices can add up, but these women are important and to sacrifice <em>their</em> things is not the way to go.
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_corsage-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3095284f-a719-464c-a4e8-c9a02fc66836Post:1f9cdad3-bc7a-4c25-b559-0819154ac4b4">Re: corsage question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: corsage question : I agree fully. If you want to cut costs, you should look elsewhere. I totally understand that prices can add up, but these women are important and to sacrifice their things is not the way to go.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]


    Thanks to both of you for the input.  It's not so much about the money, I'm more worried about upstting my mother.  My preference would be for my dad's girlfriend to get a corsage, but if my mom is feeling upset about it (depending on the day she's having) she will be very vocal about it.  She doesn't have the same social filters/ability to 'suck it up' as most people.  It wouldn't be malicious, but it would be uncomfortable.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_corsage-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3095284f-a719-464c-a4e8-c9a02fc66836Post:435cc8d7-e9b5-48b8-90db-c3ef6d4af7b7">Re: corsage question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: corsage question : Thanks to both of you for the input.  It's not so much about the money, I'm more worried about upstting my mother.  My preference would be for my dad's girlfriend to get a corsage, but if my mom is feeling upset about it (depending on the day she's having) she will be very vocal about it.  She doesn't have the same social filters/ability to 'suck it up' as most people.  It wouldn't be malicious, but it would be uncomfortable.
    Posted by a6a14173[/QUOTE]
    Would letting your mom know beforehand help? As opposed to her being surprised by it?
    image
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    I agree.  Get a corsage for all three of them.
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    Yep, I say get 3. We are getting 3, one for my mom and one for FI's mom and his step mom. His step mom didn't raise him, but we have a good relationship with them and definitely want her to be part of our wedding.
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    Sure.  The corsages are not for MOMS - the corsages are to identify those closest to the bride and groom.  And if your mom says anything, just shrug and say, "She's with dad, so she gets one."  And drop it immediately.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_corsage-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3095284f-a719-464c-a4e8-c9a02fc66836Post:b30a8d4a-4eba-4af4-aa1b-ce40599e6351">corsage question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi, We met with a florist yesterday to get a quote.  We were talking about the number of corsages, and a sticky question came up.  I know that it's traditional for the mother of the bride and mother of thegroom to have corsages, but I have a somewhat non-traditional situation. My parents were divorced when I was 5, and my mom moved across the country.  She has a mental illness, and was unable to take care of me.  I visited her most years for a week, and talked on the phone.  Sufficed to say, we are not close. My dad has been with the same woman for over 25 years, though they never married or even lived together.  She was a real mother figure for me, and I even lived with her for two years when my dad worked in another city.  This woman was a good friend of my mother's before my parents' divorce, which, as you may imagine, has caused some friction between all three of them. <strong>My question is, do I get a corsage for my dad's partner or not?  I'd</strong> like to to honour the role that she has played in my life, but I don't want to cause undue angst for my mother. Thanks for the advice!
    Posted by a6a14173[/QUOTE]

    Absolutely.
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    As everyone else said, you should definitely get a corsage for all three. They're all important to you in some form, and the corsage is a simple way to honor them. I know there's some friction between them, but hopefully they can put aside their differences for that day and celebrate with you.
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    Yes, I would definitely get her one
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_corsage-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3095284f-a719-464c-a4e8-c9a02fc66836Post:046fe185-1097-4b7a-8ba5-7b1151cc7969">Re: corsage question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, I would definitely get her one
    Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]



    We had a similar situation-- my mother-in-law has been with my husband's "stepfather" since he was in elementary school. Even though they're not married, it seemed wrong to not recognize him. I think your mom will understand.
    Anniversary
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    Yup, I would get her one.  We also got corsages for two women in my life who are like second moms to me, though they aren't related at all.  It was actually my mom's idea.

    As far as how to handle your mom, you have to use past experience to answer that.  Do you think it will be better if you don't mention it, or will it be better if you prepare her for it?  Would it help if you had corsages for other women who are not related so it doesn't look like an affront to your mom?
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    That's what I did. My mom, MIL and my dad's girlfriend got corsages. My dad, FIL, and my mom's husband got bouts.
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